Summaries of Despair
Title: Summaries of despair
author: Suju_shinki
pairing: Yoosu, Jaesu, Jaemin, onesided Jaechun
rating: R
length: oneshot
genre: Drama, angst and kinda fluff? DX
summary: When everything is fucked up.
When Junsu found out his boyfriend and his bestfriend had been sleeping together behind his back for over a month he got the same feeling he had that afternoon his mother came home from the doctor and told him and his brother that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. He felt helpless, desperate and lost. Seemingly there was only one person who was able to catch him before he fell into that dark hole of despair he was so tempted to jump into.
And there they were, three hours after Junsu had walked in on Jaejoong and Changmin in a position that could only be described as 69.
“You knew, didn't you?” Junsu said. It wasn't as much a question as it was a statement, because how could he not have known? “And all this time I was scared to death that one day you'd steal him away. Never would have thought Changmin had it in him. How long has it been going on?”
“Two months. He'll never admit it but I've never seen Changmin so in love before.”
The smell of cigarette smoke reached his nostrils and he turned his head to see Yoochun sitting at his desk with a cigarette between his lips as he tuned his guitar in his underwear.
“At least crack a window.”
“It's wide open,” Yoochun answered and Junsu realised that it was. However, seeing that it was a mid July and the nights were almost as hot as the days, it wasn't strange that he didn't feel a breeze.
“Well, cut it out,” Junsu said and laid back down on Yoochun's bed, hugging a pillow to his chest as tight as he could. It smelled like sweet almond shampoo. He knew that because Yoochun used almond shampoo. And he knew that because he had gone grocery shopping with his mother and Yoochun's mother once and she said so.
Yoochun's mother was a nurse who had two sons of which one was an 18-year gay chain-smoker with serious anger problems, while the other one was 22 and in rehab after overdosing on heroine.
“So it wasn't just for the sex?” Junsu surprised himself by asking.
“Just remember that you're no better than either one of them. The fact that you weren't caught doesn't mean you didn't cheat.”
“What's going to happen if I tell Jaejoong what we did?” Junsu asked. He had the strange urge to confess everything he had kept a secret in fear of losing Jaejoong. How Yoochun and he had taken each other's virginity when they were barely fourteen, how they had slept together right after Junsu found out his mother had breast cancer, and how they were having unprotected sex just minutes ago. He wanted to burst Jaejoong bubble of him being a naïve virgin who needed to be protected from all the bad things in the world. He also wanted him to feel how it was to find out your boyfriend had been sleeping with your best friend.
“He'll hate me for a while.”
“Forever?”
Yoochun actually laughed at that. “No, not forever. Are you thinking of getting back together with him after this?”
Junsu was about to throw an insult at him for asking such a stupid question when Yoochun's phone rang. It was lying on the night stand next to Junsu's head and he reached over to read the name on the screen.
“It's him,” Junsu said. “He hasn't even called me yet and he's calling you.”
“You can pick up if you want,” Yoochun said.
“No, you pick up.”
Yoochun stood up, carefully put his guitar down and flicked his cigarette-bud out of the window before taking the phone out of Junsu's hand and picking up.
“Hello?”... “Why?”... “Well, you're fucked that's what.”... “I don't know, Jaejoong.” … “No, I'm busy.” … “Listen, my mom is home and she doesn't want anyone over right now. So we'll talk tomorrow.”
He hung up and Junsu stared up at him. He could hear Jaejoong's voice on the other and although all the words were slurred together he could hear he was upset. Junsu looked away and blinked a couple of times, trying to get rid of that sting behind his eyes. “You're a terrible friend,” he said. “How can you just sleep with your best friend's boyfriend like that?”
Yoochun sat down on the edge of the bed and put his phone back down on the night stand.
“How can you just sleep with your boyfriend's best friend like that?”
“He's not my boyfriend anymore. He's still your best friend.”
Yoochun laid down next to him and put one hand on Junsu's hip. “What are you trying to say?”
“I want to know why you chose me over him,” Junsu said honestly. “We barely hang out and we don't get along very well. And-”
“He'll live,”Yoochun said. “Jaejoong will get over this because he's a bastard. He's shallow as hell and all he cares about is himself.”
“I hate him,”Junsu whispered.
Yoochun put his hand in the crease of Junsu's neck and stroked his jaw with his thumb. “You're better off without him.”
“Whatever. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I have a question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“Everyone is saying you're doing drugs.”
“That wasn't a question.”
“Are you?”
Yoochun let his hand drop and looked away. “You really think I'd do that to my mom?”
“Of course not. But even Jaejoong-”
“He's a fucker. Fuck him, Junsu, just fuck him. It wouldn't be the first time he talks crap behind my back.”
Junsu didn't say anything, but thought that this whole situation was too messed up. Yoochun and Jaejoong were supposed to be best friends and here Yoochun was lying in bed with his boyfriend. They were supposed to be there for each other and instead Jaejoong was spreading rumours about Yoochun behind his back.
“I don't even care,” Yoochun continued and Junsu knew that he was getting angry. He had seen Yoochun get angry a couple of times before and it was one of the scariest things he could imagine.
“I need a drink,” he sighed eventually and got out of bed. He left the room, leaving Junsu alone.
Junsu got up and slid on his underwear before he started snooping around the room. He didn't know what he was looking for but with Yoochun there was always something interesting. Junsu looked through his bookcase and his scanned over his desk. And that's when he saw something he recognised. It was a letter with the logo of the music school Junsu was dying to go to, but had another year on the waiting list to at least get an audition. He had never heard Yoochun talk about that school, though it had been Junsu's obsession for the last few years. His curiosity took over as he picked up the envelope and shook out the letter.
Dear Mister Park,
Congratulations-
Junsu didn't get further before Yoochun came back, but he didn't need to know anything else.
“What is this?” Junsu asked, holding up the letter. “I didn't even know you went for an audition. How did you even get an audition?”
“It's nothing,” Yoochun said and handed him a coke. “Where did you find that?”
“You call this nothing? You're in. You call your future nothing?”
“That's not my future. I'm not accepting it.”
Junsu was dumbfounded. “What do you mean you're not accepting? What is there to accept? They accepted you!”
“It doesn't matter okay?” Yoochun said and snatched the letter out of Junsu's hand. “I can't accept it right now, so just drop it.”
“Does your mom know?”
“No and you're not telling her. You're not telling anyone, got that?”
Junsu let out a bitter laugh. “Well isn't this the best day of my life? It wasn't enough to find my boyfriend fucking my best friend, I had to find out that you have the chance to do everything I ever dreamed of and you don't even want it? How is that fair? How is that fair, Yoochun?”
It had finally gotten too much for him. His eyes were brimming with tears and a scream of frustration was stuck in his throat.
“When has life ever been fair?” Yoochun said. He crumpled up the letter and threw it into the corner of his room.
Junsu wiped away his tears with the back of his hand before climbing back into Yoochun's bed and covering himself with the sheets. “I hate my life,” he murmured to himself. “I fucking hate my life.”
“Drink your coke and let's go out,” Yoochun said. “Let's go down to the beach.”
“I don't do the beach in the middle of the night.”
“Your choice, I'm leaving. I'll probably be back in the morning somewhere. ”
Yoochun got a muffled response and as he started to get dressed, Junsu threw off the sheets.
It was just like that night, when they were fourteen years old and Junsu wished he could blame it on alcohol or drugs or that he could simply blame it on Yoochun, but in the end, he was completely sober that night and Yoochun hadn't done anything to pressure him. They had been riding Yoochun's bike to the beach where they got off. Rough housing became deliberate touches and laughing became kissing and soon their clothes were soaking wet and all they could do was take them all off. Next thing they knew Junsu was inside of Yoochun for about 6 seconds and came. Yoochun beat his record by two seconds after that and after that neither of them could stop giggling and saying: “We fucked! We fucked!”
Junsu hated the fact that that was one of the best nights of his life and that after that sex with Yoochun was always associated with that dark place.
“We're here,” Yoochun said and stopped. Junsu jumped off the back of the bicycle. The lights that shone on the pier a few hundred feet away glistened in the water, looking like stars. It was so similar to that night, almost four years ago that Junsu got chills.
“I'll never forget that night, you know,” Yoochun said and Junsu felt his warmth on his back.
“And here I though you already had,” Junsu sighed and leaned backwards against that not so broad but oh so safe chest.
“You don't forget your first kiss or your first fuck. Especially not if both of them happened on the same night.”
“Why did it have to be you?” Junsu asked, staring at the horizon, trying to figure out where the sea stopped and the sky began. “Why is it always you?”
“Tomorrow morning we can go back to acting like nothing ever happened,” Yoochun breathed out.
“Why did we come here?”
“It's a nice place. A lot of good memories,” Yoochun shrugged. He left Junsu's side and climbed onto the small wall that separated the street from the actual beach. Junsu followed him and straddled the wall between his legs, so he could face Yoochun.
“Did Jaejoong tell you that I'm seeing a shrink?” Yoochun asked, taking Junsu by surprised.
“No,” Junsu said automatically.
“Why are you still covering for him?”
“Okay, yes. He told me but that was actually one thing he really was upset about,” Junsu admitted. “That time in class, you scared the shit out of everyone, Yoochun.”
“To be honest, it's helping,” Yoochun said as he stared at his hands. “I stopped getting pissed at little things. Learned to count to ten.”
“I noticed when you didn't bite my head off back home. It's nice.”
Yoochun looked up and smiled at him. “You do know you can always talk to me right?”
“You're the only person I talk to.”
“What about Junho?”
“Not since mom got sick...”
Junsu's heart melted when Yoochun turned around and straddled the wall too. He scooted closer and almost immediately their lips touched in the sweetest kiss Junsu had ever shared with anyone.
It was scary how much things had changed in twenty-four hours. Only twelve hours ago, Jaejoong had been fixing Junsu's hair and picking out his close and pretty much using him as his personal dress up doll and Junsu was completely fine with that. Changmin had called him to ask whether he was still up for the party they were going to that night.
And here he was now, making out with his (ex) boyfriend's best friend, feeling things he wasn't supposed to feel and thinking that maybe everything was going to be okay after all.
Yoochun pulled away after a few seconds and that feeling slowly started to fade. But his heart started to race up again when Yoochun scooted even closer and hooked both his legs over his, sitting as much in his lap as possible and started kissing him again.
Junsu kissed him back with all he had. The crashing of the waves was their background music.
“Be honest,” Junsu said when they were finally back home and had settled in Yoochun's bed. “Have you ever slept with him?”
“No,” Yoochun said. “I'm not insane.”
“He loves you.”
“I don't care.”
“But you knew.”
“Of course I know. But excuse me for trying to ignore that. This shit is already to messed up as it is.”
Junsu shifted and prodded himself on his elbow. He looked down at Yoochun and sighed before he buried his face in his chest. “Why does this have to happen to us?”
“He did kiss me once, though,” Yoochun said. “I'd like to tell you that he was drunk or something, but I'd be lying.”
“Let's summarize,” Junsu murmured. “My bestfriend slept with my boyfriend, who's in love with you while my bestfriend is in love with him. And in the end no one loves me.”
“Well, aren't you wondering why Jaejoong started dating you in the first place?”
Junsu's head jerked up. “Well?”
“His exact words to me when I told him I really didn't want to be more than friends were: 'I know how you look at that Kim kid, but I'd rather eat dirt than let him have you.' That was about two weeks before you started dating. And being the crazy fuck I am, I punched him in the face a couple of times, but didn't do anything about it afterwards.”
“Because I wasn't worth it?”
“Because I had other things on my mind.”
“So what exactly are you saying?”
Yoochun pushed himself up and turned on the lamp on his night stand. “What do you think?” he asked. “Listen, I don't want to stress you out more than you already are, but this is the truth, okay? Jaejoong was never in love with you. He was being a jealous dick and you fell for it. And so did Changmin if you ask me.”
“Let me put it this way,” Junsu said and folded his legs under him. “What would have happened if Jaejoong hadn't gotten in the way?”
Yoochun blinked. “Oh. I don't know. I mean I liked you and all, but we kind of had this unspoken rule that we'd never talk about the sex we had a couple of years before. I wasn't really...planning anything.”
A sweep of warmth filled Junsu's complete being when he saw the faint pink blush creeping up Yoochun's neck and in his face.
Junsu leaned in and pressed their lips together. “Why on earth are you his friend?” he muttered. “I don't get it, Yoochun. If he's really that much of an asshole to you, you should have stopped hanging out with him years ago.”
Yoochun shrugged. “Just forget about him right now, okay?”
Junsu nodded and flopped down with his face into a pillow. “Sleep?” he muttered.
“Yeah,” Yoochun said. Junsu felt the sheets rustle around him and a second later the night light went off and he felt Yoochun's body pressed against his own from behind.
“School is going to be hell this year,” Junsu whispered.
“Let's summarize again,” Yoochun said.
“My mom has breast cancer.”
“My brother is a drug addict.”
“My dad is a homophobe.”
“Haven't seen my dad since I was 13.”
“You got the scholarship I've always dreamed of.”
“I can't even go.”
“Fuck our lives.”
“No,” Yoochun whispered and pulled Junsu as close as he could. “Fuck everybody else.”
--
what is this angst I'm spewing? DX
author: Suju_shinki
pairing: Yoosu, Jaesu, Jaemin, onesided Jaechun
rating: R
length: oneshot
genre: Drama, angst and kinda fluff? DX
summary: When everything is fucked up.
When Junsu found out his boyfriend and his bestfriend had been sleeping together behind his back for over a month he got the same feeling he had that afternoon his mother came home from the doctor and told him and his brother that she was diagnosed with breast cancer. He felt helpless, desperate and lost. Seemingly there was only one person who was able to catch him before he fell into that dark hole of despair he was so tempted to jump into.
And there they were, three hours after Junsu had walked in on Jaejoong and Changmin in a position that could only be described as 69.
“You knew, didn't you?” Junsu said. It wasn't as much a question as it was a statement, because how could he not have known? “And all this time I was scared to death that one day you'd steal him away. Never would have thought Changmin had it in him. How long has it been going on?”
“Two months. He'll never admit it but I've never seen Changmin so in love before.”
The smell of cigarette smoke reached his nostrils and he turned his head to see Yoochun sitting at his desk with a cigarette between his lips as he tuned his guitar in his underwear.
“At least crack a window.”
“It's wide open,” Yoochun answered and Junsu realised that it was. However, seeing that it was a mid July and the nights were almost as hot as the days, it wasn't strange that he didn't feel a breeze.
“Well, cut it out,” Junsu said and laid back down on Yoochun's bed, hugging a pillow to his chest as tight as he could. It smelled like sweet almond shampoo. He knew that because Yoochun used almond shampoo. And he knew that because he had gone grocery shopping with his mother and Yoochun's mother once and she said so.
Yoochun's mother was a nurse who had two sons of which one was an 18-year gay chain-smoker with serious anger problems, while the other one was 22 and in rehab after overdosing on heroine.
“So it wasn't just for the sex?” Junsu surprised himself by asking.
“Just remember that you're no better than either one of them. The fact that you weren't caught doesn't mean you didn't cheat.”
“What's going to happen if I tell Jaejoong what we did?” Junsu asked. He had the strange urge to confess everything he had kept a secret in fear of losing Jaejoong. How Yoochun and he had taken each other's virginity when they were barely fourteen, how they had slept together right after Junsu found out his mother had breast cancer, and how they were having unprotected sex just minutes ago. He wanted to burst Jaejoong bubble of him being a naïve virgin who needed to be protected from all the bad things in the world. He also wanted him to feel how it was to find out your boyfriend had been sleeping with your best friend.
“He'll hate me for a while.”
“Forever?”
Yoochun actually laughed at that. “No, not forever. Are you thinking of getting back together with him after this?”
Junsu was about to throw an insult at him for asking such a stupid question when Yoochun's phone rang. It was lying on the night stand next to Junsu's head and he reached over to read the name on the screen.
“It's him,” Junsu said. “He hasn't even called me yet and he's calling you.”
“You can pick up if you want,” Yoochun said.
“No, you pick up.”
Yoochun stood up, carefully put his guitar down and flicked his cigarette-bud out of the window before taking the phone out of Junsu's hand and picking up.
“Hello?”... “Why?”... “Well, you're fucked that's what.”... “I don't know, Jaejoong.” … “No, I'm busy.” … “Listen, my mom is home and she doesn't want anyone over right now. So we'll talk tomorrow.”
He hung up and Junsu stared up at him. He could hear Jaejoong's voice on the other and although all the words were slurred together he could hear he was upset. Junsu looked away and blinked a couple of times, trying to get rid of that sting behind his eyes. “You're a terrible friend,” he said. “How can you just sleep with your best friend's boyfriend like that?”
Yoochun sat down on the edge of the bed and put his phone back down on the night stand.
“How can you just sleep with your boyfriend's best friend like that?”
“He's not my boyfriend anymore. He's still your best friend.”
Yoochun laid down next to him and put one hand on Junsu's hip. “What are you trying to say?”
“I want to know why you chose me over him,” Junsu said honestly. “We barely hang out and we don't get along very well. And-”
“He'll live,”Yoochun said. “Jaejoong will get over this because he's a bastard. He's shallow as hell and all he cares about is himself.”
“I hate him,”Junsu whispered.
Yoochun put his hand in the crease of Junsu's neck and stroked his jaw with his thumb. “You're better off without him.”
“Whatever. I don't want to talk about this anymore. I have a question for you.”
“Shoot.”
“Everyone is saying you're doing drugs.”
“That wasn't a question.”
“Are you?”
Yoochun let his hand drop and looked away. “You really think I'd do that to my mom?”
“Of course not. But even Jaejoong-”
“He's a fucker. Fuck him, Junsu, just fuck him. It wouldn't be the first time he talks crap behind my back.”
Junsu didn't say anything, but thought that this whole situation was too messed up. Yoochun and Jaejoong were supposed to be best friends and here Yoochun was lying in bed with his boyfriend. They were supposed to be there for each other and instead Jaejoong was spreading rumours about Yoochun behind his back.
“I don't even care,” Yoochun continued and Junsu knew that he was getting angry. He had seen Yoochun get angry a couple of times before and it was one of the scariest things he could imagine.
“I need a drink,” he sighed eventually and got out of bed. He left the room, leaving Junsu alone.
Junsu got up and slid on his underwear before he started snooping around the room. He didn't know what he was looking for but with Yoochun there was always something interesting. Junsu looked through his bookcase and his scanned over his desk. And that's when he saw something he recognised. It was a letter with the logo of the music school Junsu was dying to go to, but had another year on the waiting list to at least get an audition. He had never heard Yoochun talk about that school, though it had been Junsu's obsession for the last few years. His curiosity took over as he picked up the envelope and shook out the letter.
Dear Mister Park,
Congratulations-
Junsu didn't get further before Yoochun came back, but he didn't need to know anything else.
“What is this?” Junsu asked, holding up the letter. “I didn't even know you went for an audition. How did you even get an audition?”
“It's nothing,” Yoochun said and handed him a coke. “Where did you find that?”
“You call this nothing? You're in. You call your future nothing?”
“That's not my future. I'm not accepting it.”
Junsu was dumbfounded. “What do you mean you're not accepting? What is there to accept? They accepted you!”
“It doesn't matter okay?” Yoochun said and snatched the letter out of Junsu's hand. “I can't accept it right now, so just drop it.”
“Does your mom know?”
“No and you're not telling her. You're not telling anyone, got that?”
Junsu let out a bitter laugh. “Well isn't this the best day of my life? It wasn't enough to find my boyfriend fucking my best friend, I had to find out that you have the chance to do everything I ever dreamed of and you don't even want it? How is that fair? How is that fair, Yoochun?”
It had finally gotten too much for him. His eyes were brimming with tears and a scream of frustration was stuck in his throat.
“When has life ever been fair?” Yoochun said. He crumpled up the letter and threw it into the corner of his room.
Junsu wiped away his tears with the back of his hand before climbing back into Yoochun's bed and covering himself with the sheets. “I hate my life,” he murmured to himself. “I fucking hate my life.”
“Drink your coke and let's go out,” Yoochun said. “Let's go down to the beach.”
“I don't do the beach in the middle of the night.”
“Your choice, I'm leaving. I'll probably be back in the morning somewhere. ”
Yoochun got a muffled response and as he started to get dressed, Junsu threw off the sheets.
It was just like that night, when they were fourteen years old and Junsu wished he could blame it on alcohol or drugs or that he could simply blame it on Yoochun, but in the end, he was completely sober that night and Yoochun hadn't done anything to pressure him. They had been riding Yoochun's bike to the beach where they got off. Rough housing became deliberate touches and laughing became kissing and soon their clothes were soaking wet and all they could do was take them all off. Next thing they knew Junsu was inside of Yoochun for about 6 seconds and came. Yoochun beat his record by two seconds after that and after that neither of them could stop giggling and saying: “We fucked! We fucked!”
Junsu hated the fact that that was one of the best nights of his life and that after that sex with Yoochun was always associated with that dark place.
“We're here,” Yoochun said and stopped. Junsu jumped off the back of the bicycle. The lights that shone on the pier a few hundred feet away glistened in the water, looking like stars. It was so similar to that night, almost four years ago that Junsu got chills.
“I'll never forget that night, you know,” Yoochun said and Junsu felt his warmth on his back.
“And here I though you already had,” Junsu sighed and leaned backwards against that not so broad but oh so safe chest.
“You don't forget your first kiss or your first fuck. Especially not if both of them happened on the same night.”
“Why did it have to be you?” Junsu asked, staring at the horizon, trying to figure out where the sea stopped and the sky began. “Why is it always you?”
“Tomorrow morning we can go back to acting like nothing ever happened,” Yoochun breathed out.
“Why did we come here?”
“It's a nice place. A lot of good memories,” Yoochun shrugged. He left Junsu's side and climbed onto the small wall that separated the street from the actual beach. Junsu followed him and straddled the wall between his legs, so he could face Yoochun.
“Did Jaejoong tell you that I'm seeing a shrink?” Yoochun asked, taking Junsu by surprised.
“No,” Junsu said automatically.
“Why are you still covering for him?”
“Okay, yes. He told me but that was actually one thing he really was upset about,” Junsu admitted. “That time in class, you scared the shit out of everyone, Yoochun.”
“To be honest, it's helping,” Yoochun said as he stared at his hands. “I stopped getting pissed at little things. Learned to count to ten.”
“I noticed when you didn't bite my head off back home. It's nice.”
Yoochun looked up and smiled at him. “You do know you can always talk to me right?”
“You're the only person I talk to.”
“What about Junho?”
“Not since mom got sick...”
Junsu's heart melted when Yoochun turned around and straddled the wall too. He scooted closer and almost immediately their lips touched in the sweetest kiss Junsu had ever shared with anyone.
It was scary how much things had changed in twenty-four hours. Only twelve hours ago, Jaejoong had been fixing Junsu's hair and picking out his close and pretty much using him as his personal dress up doll and Junsu was completely fine with that. Changmin had called him to ask whether he was still up for the party they were going to that night.
And here he was now, making out with his (ex) boyfriend's best friend, feeling things he wasn't supposed to feel and thinking that maybe everything was going to be okay after all.
Yoochun pulled away after a few seconds and that feeling slowly started to fade. But his heart started to race up again when Yoochun scooted even closer and hooked both his legs over his, sitting as much in his lap as possible and started kissing him again.
Junsu kissed him back with all he had. The crashing of the waves was their background music.
“Be honest,” Junsu said when they were finally back home and had settled in Yoochun's bed. “Have you ever slept with him?”
“No,” Yoochun said. “I'm not insane.”
“He loves you.”
“I don't care.”
“But you knew.”
“Of course I know. But excuse me for trying to ignore that. This shit is already to messed up as it is.”
Junsu shifted and prodded himself on his elbow. He looked down at Yoochun and sighed before he buried his face in his chest. “Why does this have to happen to us?”
“He did kiss me once, though,” Yoochun said. “I'd like to tell you that he was drunk or something, but I'd be lying.”
“Let's summarize,” Junsu murmured. “My bestfriend slept with my boyfriend, who's in love with you while my bestfriend is in love with him. And in the end no one loves me.”
“Well, aren't you wondering why Jaejoong started dating you in the first place?”
Junsu's head jerked up. “Well?”
“His exact words to me when I told him I really didn't want to be more than friends were: 'I know how you look at that Kim kid, but I'd rather eat dirt than let him have you.' That was about two weeks before you started dating. And being the crazy fuck I am, I punched him in the face a couple of times, but didn't do anything about it afterwards.”
“Because I wasn't worth it?”
“Because I had other things on my mind.”
“So what exactly are you saying?”
Yoochun pushed himself up and turned on the lamp on his night stand. “What do you think?” he asked. “Listen, I don't want to stress you out more than you already are, but this is the truth, okay? Jaejoong was never in love with you. He was being a jealous dick and you fell for it. And so did Changmin if you ask me.”
“Let me put it this way,” Junsu said and folded his legs under him. “What would have happened if Jaejoong hadn't gotten in the way?”
Yoochun blinked. “Oh. I don't know. I mean I liked you and all, but we kind of had this unspoken rule that we'd never talk about the sex we had a couple of years before. I wasn't really...planning anything.”
A sweep of warmth filled Junsu's complete being when he saw the faint pink blush creeping up Yoochun's neck and in his face.
Junsu leaned in and pressed their lips together. “Why on earth are you his friend?” he muttered. “I don't get it, Yoochun. If he's really that much of an asshole to you, you should have stopped hanging out with him years ago.”
Yoochun shrugged. “Just forget about him right now, okay?”
Junsu nodded and flopped down with his face into a pillow. “Sleep?” he muttered.
“Yeah,” Yoochun said. Junsu felt the sheets rustle around him and a second later the night light went off and he felt Yoochun's body pressed against his own from behind.
“School is going to be hell this year,” Junsu whispered.
“Let's summarize again,” Yoochun said.
“My mom has breast cancer.”
“My brother is a drug addict.”
“My dad is a homophobe.”
“Haven't seen my dad since I was 13.”
“You got the scholarship I've always dreamed of.”
“I can't even go.”
“Fuck our lives.”
“No,” Yoochun whispered and pulled Junsu as close as he could. “Fuck everybody else.”
--
what is this angst I'm spewing? DX