my mouth...
my mouth seems to be the source of far too much of my troubles. using my mouth before i use my brain is something i cant say ive fallen in the habit of but it is something that makes my day to day life a little bit difficult. today for instance. sgt whitehurst did something yesterday that in our circle (maintinence personel) we know is not dangerous. he was smoking a cigarette at the fuel point. you can drop a lit cigarette in a bucket full of diesel fuel and the cigarette will just go out. after we came back from anaconda we did an AAR (after action review) just as a joke i made the last comment. i said "just as a side note on safety... smoking at the fuel point isint a good idea" then i looked at sgt whitehurst. it went over like i expected it to, everyone got a good laugh (granted it was at sgt whitehursts expence) but nothing was thought of it (or so i thought) so today me and sgt valentine are bullshitin and sgt whitehurst walks up and says "hey valentine, what would you do if you had a soldier who you look out for and you consider family go and bust you out in front of the company commander for smoking at the fuel point?" then looks at me. i just meant for what i said to be a joke and give everyone a good laugh seeing as we just made 2 safe trips back and forth across the open iraqi road. apparently sgt whitehurst took offence to it and went off on me about how he looks out for me and never embarasses me and how he considers me his family and how fucked up it was for me to do that. i didnt mean to hurt him like i did. the reality of it is that the "joke" i made last night could have costed sgt whitehurst his rank and maybe even his military career. i never mean to hurt peoples feelings but my words and my actions no matter how well meant they are always hurt the people i love the most. sometimes i wish i could just cut myself off from the world at large because it would be better off if i wasnt around. i dont know any more.
this is in no peticular order...
$737 HP Laptop
$329 Kodak Digital Camera
$73 Memory card for camera
$119 Memory stick (that i never use)
$189 Legos (two models)
$249 PSP
$150 Printer for camera
$80 Paper and cartriges for printer
$130 External DVD burner for laptop
$120 External HDD for laptop
$40 USB Hub for laptop
$340 1gb memory upgrade for laptop
$500 rough estimate of total money spent on varoius video games for XBox PC and PSP
$50 new shoes
$180 clothes and bag for qatar trip
$30 Pen with a light and a laser pointer built in (which ive since lost)
$60 Electric razor (want... not need)
$50 Power converter (that i dont even use)
$75 UPS (unitneruptable power source) which i cant even use out here because none of the circuits are fucking grounded
$100 Dozen roses and godiva chocolates sent to someone for thier birthday... a relationship with said person would never work
$25 Taji Wifi that barely ever worked
$20 Hammer and nails that i bought and it got stolen by the fucking locals
$135 Magazines that got read and thrown away
$1000 Rough estimate of how much i spent on buying stuff for the locals in return for various gifts (ungrateful little fuckers tried to fuck me right before we fired them too... over an envelope with some foreign money none the less)
$209 dollars a month im still paying for a laptop i sold to donny when we first got here
$300 estimate for BK, Pizza Hut, Cinnabon, PX non-essentials
$30 100 blank CDs that i never use
$45 5 blank DVDs that i only used one
$50 Accessories for PSP
$??? Lord only knows how much else
Grand Total: $5415
how much of this will actually be put to use in say 5 years... maybe 30%. am i a shopaholic? maybe. i feel useless if im not spending money. i could be a made man if i dont spend a dime between now and when i leave. that is if you take into acount the $2800 i owe the army... the $400 casual pay i took in qatar and whatever else im forgetting right now. i still stand to save a few more thousand before i leave this hell hole. thats on top of what ive already saved (should be around 10000 by now i hope) so maybe i will come out on top and get what i need or maybe not. but at least i will be able to buy a car. hell... i should be able to buy a new one... CASH. how sweet whould that be. walking into a car dealership and saying "i want that one... now" and smacking the cash on the table. talking out a good cash deal. it will be fun. gotta run. lunch and a nap calls.
P.S. i hate myself, is that such a bad thing?
this is in no peticular order...
$737 HP Laptop
$329 Kodak Digital Camera
$73 Memory card for camera
$119 Memory stick (that i never use)
$189 Legos (two models)
$249 PSP
$150 Printer for camera
$80 Paper and cartriges for printer
$130 External DVD burner for laptop
$120 External HDD for laptop
$40 USB Hub for laptop
$340 1gb memory upgrade for laptop
$500 rough estimate of total money spent on varoius video games for XBox PC and PSP
$50 new shoes
$180 clothes and bag for qatar trip
$30 Pen with a light and a laser pointer built in (which ive since lost)
$60 Electric razor (want... not need)
$50 Power converter (that i dont even use)
$75 UPS (unitneruptable power source) which i cant even use out here because none of the circuits are fucking grounded
$100 Dozen roses and godiva chocolates sent to someone for thier birthday... a relationship with said person would never work
$25 Taji Wifi that barely ever worked
$20 Hammer and nails that i bought and it got stolen by the fucking locals
$135 Magazines that got read and thrown away
$1000 Rough estimate of how much i spent on buying stuff for the locals in return for various gifts (ungrateful little fuckers tried to fuck me right before we fired them too... over an envelope with some foreign money none the less)
$209 dollars a month im still paying for a laptop i sold to donny when we first got here
$300 estimate for BK, Pizza Hut, Cinnabon, PX non-essentials
$30 100 blank CDs that i never use
$45 5 blank DVDs that i only used one
$50 Accessories for PSP
$??? Lord only knows how much else
Grand Total: $5415
how much of this will actually be put to use in say 5 years... maybe 30%. am i a shopaholic? maybe. i feel useless if im not spending money. i could be a made man if i dont spend a dime between now and when i leave. that is if you take into acount the $2800 i owe the army... the $400 casual pay i took in qatar and whatever else im forgetting right now. i still stand to save a few more thousand before i leave this hell hole. thats on top of what ive already saved (should be around 10000 by now i hope) so maybe i will come out on top and get what i need or maybe not. but at least i will be able to buy a car. hell... i should be able to buy a new one... CASH. how sweet whould that be. walking into a car dealership and saying "i want that one... now" and smacking the cash on the table. talking out a good cash deal. it will be fun. gotta run. lunch and a nap calls.
P.S. i hate myself, is that such a bad thing?