Scared and Lonely, just don't cut

[suicide_bl0nde]

I keep finding myself getting exxxtremely angry lately. I have no clue why and it's the stupidest stuff. Last night I got so mad it was painful and I wanted to cut deeply. Why? Because I try to to do what I think is best and give people what they want and try to please myself at the same time by not really accepting anything from others in a material sense, I just want to feel like I'm needed other then to give hand outs.
Dearly beloved has not died and will never no matter how much I try to kill it off I will always restore and think about it. The people I love are the ones that have to remind me.
If you truly love someone and you both agree that you would like to stay together, is it not possible to change for that person to make your lives and relationship better? I mean everyone has things about them that can affect another's feelings about you. If the person you love is willing to change something to make things better, would you change too? It would only be fair and it's not happening here in my relationship. I want to quit changing myself, to become a better me because I'm not getting any changes back. Fuck changes to make things better, it is just fun to make things worse and take easy way out. Fuck YOU!!! You're nothing to me but at the same time I love you.
*cut cut cut* I wish......