SH 2013: for baekhannies
For: baekhannies
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: All eyes on you
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho/Kai
Length: 4,128 words
Summary: Joonmyun doesn’t have any real secrets to keep until he accidentally creates them.
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol.
“Kai.” Joonmyun stops fixing the mask on his face for a moment to take the other’s hand, a faint smile on his lips.
“Nice to meet you, Kai. I’m Suho,” he says, smile stretching, “I’m looking forward to work with you.” Kai smiles back at him shyly, before he pulls on his own mask, covering half of his face with. It’s identical to Joonmyun’s, black with the hexagon logo of the club in silver at the very right side.
Joonmyun walks over to the door, music booming into the dressing room as he opens it. He winces slightly. Even after two years of working there every weekend, he’s still caught off guard by how loud the music is and how soundproof their back rooms are. He stands there, patiently holding the door until Kai is ready to join him.
Tonight is their first shift together, Joonmyun only working on Fridays and Saturdays, so the older watches their new employee from the corner of his eyes as they step over to the bar. Yixing smiles to them, before he disappears as he’s finally allowed to end his night. Kai has only been working there for a week, but he already seems to have gotten a hang of handling the customers.
Mixing drinks isn’t really what they show it to be like in movies. There is no juggling, no bottles thrown or turning in the air. Those who come into EXO Club aren’t there for the drinks or to get drunk, most of them already tipsy when they step inside at the least. They’re there for the people, for the music and to dance. They’re there because of the reputation of the club, the high mood and to have a blast, fulfil a night with drunken decisions, but without regrets and to experience something unforgettable, or possibly something that will be worth forgetting about. Those who come into EXO are there to make the best of their youth.
Joonmyun could, if he wanted to, throw an open bottle over his shoulder and catch it with the other hand without spilling a single drop as it turns in the air and he pulls forward a glass to fill, but no one cares here. Maybe it’s a nice move if he wants to impress someone, but nobody really wants to be impressed, not when they just want a drink to keep them high and going as the rest of the night waits for them.
It’s a busy night, Halloween attracting more people than usual, and Joonmyun barely even has time to fix the mask that the holiday has forced him to wear and slides down his nose a slight bit. He however does appreciate that his hands are being kept busy, the fake blood painting his face tickling his skin, his fingers itching to scratch it off. Some of the customers he serves are dressed up as well, some surely more than others, but Joonmyun thinks it’s perfect either way to help setting the mood.
The bass is awfully loud, making the floor tremble beneath Joonmyun’s feet, the vibrations coursing through his body. The sound is intoxicating. The air in the club is hot and thick, and Joonmyun feels a little dazed as well. His eyes fall upon a girl on the dance floor, the electric blue dye in her hair catching his attention. She closes her eyes, body swaying languidly to the rhythm as if she’s in a trance, her head thrown back and face blissful even as a howl that is mixed into the music pierces through the room.
He looks over at Kai, who is standing further down the bar with a shaker in his hand, pouring a creamy pink liquid into the small glasses lined up on the table between him and the two girls waiting. They down their first shots even before Kai has moved on to a new customer. Joonmyun can see how the music seems to affect him as well, his body rocking to the beat of the song as he mixes another drink.
Kai moves with a certain grace that Joonmyun can’t describe or put is his finger on and he has to force himself to stop looking whenever his eyes begin to wander. They don’t talk a lot, still strangers, so the only words exchanged between them are in relation to work. It’s not quite the place to hold a conversation anyway, but still, Joonmyun thinks he’d like to hear more of Kai’s voice.
Joonmyun has already served too many drinks when his break comes. He seeks refuge in the dressing room to give his ears some rest. He thoughtlessly pulls the mask of his face, messing up his hair and he sighs as he stares at himself through the mirror. His fifteen minutes break is short-lived and he inhales deeply before standing up from his seat, preparing himself for the noise.
There are less people at the bar now, most of the stools empty, abandoned while the floor is packed, bodies pressed against each other as they move together. Someone places a hand on his shoulder, so he turns around, head tilting to look Kai in the eyes. The other has a jacket over his arm, his mask resting on his head and pushing his hair back. He leans down to him, his mouth next to Joonmyun’s ear as he tells him that his shift is over and that he’ll be heading home. Joonmyun answers Kai, trying not to shout him in the ear, but his voice is drowned by the music and he is forced to raise his voice anyway.
“Right! Stay safe on your way home!” Kai straightens his back, nodding to Joonmyun with a smile and giving him a thumb up. Joonmyun offers his hand, his voice straining when he tells Kai ‘nice meeting you.’ He can’t hear the reply he receives, can only see the way Kai’s lips move as he shouts something back, hand squeezing his. Joonmyun can’t tell what he was saying and he doesn’t ask the other to repeat it, content with the grin on Kai’s face.
Yifan calls it a crush.
Joonmyun calls it attraction and nothing more.
Joonmyun doesn't have a crush on Kai, even if he happens to sneak looks at him during work, or if he happens to like the sound of his ridiculous laugh. Joonmyun can't possibly have a crush on Kai. They barely know each other yet. Even if they find the time to talk at work, it would be impossible with the music playing in the club, drowning the sound of their voices.
Joonmyun closes the club down a Saturday night with Kai. It's 6 in the morning when they finally leave as the last ones, and they're exhausted. They're going in the same direction for the first five to ten minutes, before Kai needs to take a turn down the street. They talk a little as they go together, about the night, work and the customers. Joonmyun's throat is sore, voice hoarse from the shouting inside the club. Kai gives him a nod and a small smile as he tells him goodbye and goodnight.
Today is going to be a bad day. Joonmyun knows, because his throat is hurting, his head heavy and throbbing, and he can't stop sneezing or coughing. As much as he'd like to stay home and nurse his cold, it's Tuesday and he has two important lectures and a class to attend to. There are two months to his exams and he can't risk missing anything these next few weeks. So, Joonmyun pulls out one of his thick and less appealing sweaters to wear along with the thick, knitted scarf Baekhyun bought him last Christmas. The headache doesn't go away even after Joonmyun has swallowed down two pills, so he leaves out his contacts today, opting for his glasses instead. It's alright to look a bit sloppy once in a while, he tells himself as he sees himself in the bathroom mirror.
Being a little stressed as well as sick, Joonmyun forgets that he had had a tutoring session today. His professor had told him that the tutoring would help him earn some credits and that he was the best candidate even with exams coming up, so Joonmyun can't find himself refuse professor Jung the request.
He's taking his time packing his things and most of the class has already left. He's not in a hurry, he thinks, slowly putting his books into his backpack.
There’s someone standing at the school entrance. Joonmyun sees him all the way through the empty hallway. He has his back to Joonmyun, waiting for someone; Joonmyun can tell from his stance, and briefly wonders who it could be. He’s halfway through the room when he realises that, oh, maybe it’s him. He walks up to him, clearing his throat when he asks,
“Kim Jongin?”
The boy turns around quickly, staring back at Joonmyun.
“Kim Joonmyun?” Joonmyun nods, voice caught in his throat. Kim Jongin looks exactly like Kai save the makeup. His hair falls flat down his head unlike Kai’s that it always styled and pushed back to expose more of his face. Joonmyun isn’t stupid though, he can put two and two together, and Kai has never mentioned anything about a twin even if they rarely talk, hardly ever about their private life. The purpose of using pseudonyms is after all to be allowed to keep parts of your private life to yourself. Work is work. Professional. That’s the whole point. Joonmyun has worked for EXO for a little past two years and only two have shared their real names with him. Yifan and Yixing, simply because they go to the same university and Joonmyun shares a few classes with Yixing. He has Xiumin around campus a few times before as well, but has never approached him. While Yixing is someone who doesn’t care much about separating work from the rest of his life, Xiumin takes great care of keeping the two apart, never without a mask during open hours.
“Um, so where should we go? The library?” When Joonmyun doesn’t answer right away, he continues, insecure, “or maybe an empty classroom?”
Joonmyun blinks a few times, frowning.
Jongin doesn't recognise him.
Joonmyun has never been particularly secretive to his co-workers regarding what he's doing when he isn't working nor has he ever tried to keep his part-time occupation in the dark to his classmates. Sure, he hasn’t told his parents, but he doesn’t think it would matter much anyway. He has only few that he works in a nightclub, but he has never particularly kept it a secret. He guesses he's never talked about because that's simply how it works. He understands that some do indeed like to keep those two sides of their life apart, so while he doesn't mind, he had simply decided to follow the custom.
"Joonmyun-ssi, are you very sick?" Jongin asked, brows knit together in worry. "Because if you are, we can do this another day."
He shakes his head in reply, "no, I'm fine," he says.
"Are you sure? Your throat seems to be in a bad condition?" Joonmyun nods, instinctively pulling his scarf closer to his face, covering more of it.
"It's okay, I can still tutor you," he says and coughs. Jongin looks at him, slightly amused, slightly worried.
"Let's find an unoccupied class," Joonmyun says, keeping his low. He knows, he ought to just tell Jongin who he is, doesn’t really mind if he were to find out, but his body decides to act differently and he knows his only digging his own grave deeper.
Joonmyun has shared a shift Saturday night with Jongin, who had not mentioned anything about school or a tutor, before he meets him in the library Thursday afternoon. He has recovered from his cold or flu or whatever it was and is in fact feeling quite well, but he decides to wear a mask along with his glasses. He’s only making it more difficult for himself, he knows, but somehow, he feels as if he has come to a point where this might be the easiest solution. Or so he tries to tell himself.
If Joonmyun didn’t have a crush on Jongin before tutoring, he definitely does now. Jongin is so different outside of the club and it’s nothing but endearing to him. He’s shy, timid and lacks the confidence that is always oozing from him at night time, the smirks all gone. Joonmyun has even made him blush a few times. He had been afraid that Jongin would recognise his voice, but the two of them has barely ever talked to each for very long and most of those times, they had been shouting to each other, trying to get their message through the loud music. The short minutes they have together when they finish a shift are usually spend in silence as well. Their voices are always a little hoarser at those times and there’s a ringing in the back of Joonmyun’s head after escaping the drumming bass.
He still wears his glasses to the tutoring session even though he prefers contact lenses, and the scarf around his neck, covering the bottom of his face, serves another purpose of just keeping from safe from the cold winds approaching the season.
“Are you sensitive to the cold, hyung?” Jongin asks one day when Joonmyun doesn’t even take off his jacket. He nods, pulling out his books, and Jongin smiles. Joonmyun thinks he might hear the other murmuring “cute” to himself. He hides blush behind his scarf.
“Suho-hyung,” Jongin says, looking up at the skies, searching for anything that isn’t complete darkness, “can I tell you a secret?”
Joonmyun looks at him, tracing Jongin’s jawline with his eyes, saying “yeah.”
“I think I’m in love.” Joonmyun keeps quiet, taken aback.
“Oh?”
“Yeah.”
They walk home in silence after that, only bidding each other a soft “goodnight” when they part ways, but walking home by himself doesn’t make it easier to stop thinking.
Jongin is studious, even though he always seems sleepy and unfocused, and Joonmyun sees how quickly he’s improving. He feels a little proud. If Joonmyun ends up failing his upcoming exams, at least he knows that Jongin won’t.
Sometimes, Jongin tries to engage in a conversation with Joonmyun, when they’re done for the day or during the small breaks Joonmyun rewards him with. He can’t recognise Joonmyun’s voice as Suho’s, not very familiar with either, but Joonmyun is still afraid he’ll get figured out. He doesn’t want to turn Jongin down, but he knows that he isn’t being very responsive with his short and somewhat curt answers, constantly humming, nodding or shaking his head when answering instead of speaking. He tries to show Jongin that he does care and is indeed interested by asking him back, hoping that it will make Jongin lead the conversation instead, but Joonmyun’s short answers always throws him off, always nervous when he replies, because he’s afraid that Joonmyun doesn’t care.
It’s already a few minutes past 4pm when Joonmyun arrives at the nightclub, but he doesn’t pay it any mind, no one does. They’re opening the doors and the bar for customers in less than an hour, but no one comes by at those hours. Their boss doesn’t even turn up before 10.
He’s surprised to see Jongin there already, putting the chairs down from the tables and getting the place ready. He didn’t realise that Jongin worked during the early hours too, shifts Joonmyun had long given up on. He’s only here tonight, because Yifan called in sick and asked Joonmyun if he wanted to and he didn’t mind. It’s nice having a favour in hand. Jongin doesn't seem to notice him, so silently goes to the back to rid himself from his jacket. He fiddles a little with his hair, checking his make-up before he goes out again, glad that Baekhyun was willing to give him a few tips with the eyeliner.
“You won’t change much if you’re not going to put more on than that,” he had said, looking a little bored.
Joonmyun shrugs to himself. He does think it makes him look different, and it make him feel a little more secure. He goes out with a small smile to help Jongin with the chairs and wipe the tables clean.
There are still no guests an hour after opening and Jongin and Joonmyun are sharing a table with D.O while Xiumin is taking care of the empty bar. This is the first time he’s been able to speak with Jongin properly. There’s something comforting about Jongin’s voice, so he keeps the other talking, asking about things he already knows as his tutor. It’s almost embarrassing how he forgets that they’re not the only ones at the table. Jongin seems to get along well with D.O too, easily conversing with him, and Joonmyun briefly wonders if they know each other by their real names. He almost slips then, almost calls out Jongin by his name instead of Kai. He coughs a little too hard to cover it, which gives him more attention than he’d like when no one catches his mistake. He sips at his water sheepishly, speaking a little less for the rest of the night.
Joonmyun thinks that the twinkles in the sky could be stars. He's never really looked up at the sky on his way home from work, eyes busy with what's ahead of him.
They've both been quiet until now when Jongin suddenly speaks, "hyung, the one I like, it's a guy."
Joonmyun looks at Jongin and away from the sky, quiet.
"Are you... okay with that?" Jongin continues. He's looking up, trying to see what Joonmyun was looking at.
"Yeah, why wouldn’t I?"
A week later Jongin tells Joonmyun that his crush is a senior, an older student at his university and Joonmyun can hear the sound of his own heartbeat.
“It’s you!” Baekhyun says when he tells him and Chanyeol. He bites his lips, staring at the table.
“It could be someone else though.”
“He said it was someone who tutored him right, didn’t he?”
“Yes. But he also gets tutored by someone in physics-”
“Oh, shut up!” Baekhyun almost yells, turning to Chanyeol for help.
“He’s right, hyung. It’s probably you.”
“Of course it’s him,” Baekhyun continues, sounding a little desperate.
“Last time is on Thursday,” Joonmyun then tells them, “he said he wasn’t going to confess.”
“So are you going to actually do something about this? Because you need to do something about this.” Joonmyun sighs. He knows that Baekhyun is right, but he’s reluctant to admit it. He’s aware that he ought to react to this, but he doesn’t know how at this point, realising how gravely he has messed up. It’s quiet for a short while before Baekhyun groans loudly, “why do I even bother with you.”
For Jongin’s last tutoring lesson, Joonmyun buys him a cupcake. He had thought it would’ve been nice to treat him for a meal, but that would probably have been too risky. It’s relieving to finally be over with the tutoring and constantly needing to cover for himself, but he’s also a little sad about having less time with Jongin.
He counts down the minutes for different reasons and they’re almost done when Yixing passes by, waving eagerly at them. Jongin looks slightly confused, and Joonmyun has no idea what he looks like, just that he can feel his heart beating too fast and too hard in his chest when Yixing approaches them.
It’s just so absolutely ridiculous that he has, for miraculous and unexplainable reasons, managed to keep his secret only for it to be revealed because Yixing has a family dinner that he forgot about and needs someone to cover for him.
Jongin disappears before he has any chance of explaining himself. Joonmyun rests his head on the table, letting out a whine when Yixing asks him what’s going on.
He already dreads telling Baekhyun about this.
“Wow, hyung,” Chanyeol says, leaning back in his chair, exhaling deeply. Baekhyun rolls his eyes.
“Just how stupid are you?”
Joonmyun whines, “I know!”
“Oh? You sure about that?” Baekhyun presses on.
“I don’t know it happened! I panicked!”
Baekhyun sighs, looking Joonmyun directly in the eyes, “no. See, you panicked the first time you met him there. That was reasonable. The next time, you planned it. You purposely hid your face and tried to speak in a different voice. That’s not panicking.”
“But I couldn’t face him after the first time! He had no idea it was me!”
“But you made it worse!” Baekhyun bites back, raising his voice, slapping his hand against Chanyeol’s stomach to pull him back to the conversation.
“He’s right, hyung,” he says, an apologetic look on his face. Joonmyun leans his head against the hard table surface, groaning loudly and turns his head look at them.
“So what do you suggest I do then?” Baekhyun snorts at the question, rolling his eyes.
“No advices from here,” he says, grabbing his sandwich to take a bite. He doesn’t look sorry. Joonmyun isn’t surprised, but he makes a sobbing noise anyway, looking down at the table again.
“But hey, at least he likes you, right?” Chanyeol tries. Joonmyun doesn’t even bother looking at him, his hand easily finding his bottle of water before he throws it in Chanyeol’s general direction. He knows he has hit him when he hears a soft thump and Chanyeol’s cursing.
Jongin doesn’t talk to him when they work together, of course he doesn’t, and he doesn’t wait for Joonmyun either when they have closed down to walk home together. The tension between them at work is horrible. It’s awkward when they’re together and Jongin always leave as soon as Joonmyun tries to say anything, because he’s feeling embarrassed. It doesn’t go unnoticed and after a couple of weeks, Baekhyun isn’t the only one of his friends bothering him about the issue.
Joonmyun’s next move is Professor Jung. He doesn’t want to involve more people in this, but searching for Jongin at campus with no clue about where he is impossible. He manages to get a hold of Jongin’s timetable, but most of his classes are too far away for Joonmyun to reach if he wants to make it to his own lectures and Jongin is already gone when he finally arrives at the nearly empty classroom.
He ends up cornering Jongin during one of their breaks to talk. He feels just as nervous as Jongin looks. He did plan a few things to say, but he’s forgotten it all now, stumbling over the words without being able to form a proper sentence. Suddenly it’s Jongin who’s apologising and Joonmyun has to stop him, tell him that it’s okay, because he likes him too and no, it’s not something he’s just saying. It gets a little better after that, they’re still standing a little awkward and Jongin still has a hard time looking him in the eyes, but he’s smiling now.
They’re interrupted by Tao who tells them they need to cut their break short, because they need help in the club. They both nod, a little flustered, before Joonmyun grabs Jongin’s hand. His nausea is gone, replaced by a warm, fuzzy feeling when the other entwines their fingers.
There are no stars in the sky tonight, but the moon is full, Joonmyun notes when he walks out of the club with Jongin. It’s freezing and he isn’t wearing gloves, his only option sticking his hands in his pockets, but he keeps the left hand out for Jongin to hold even if it does little to help the cold. It’s alright, Joonmyun doesn’t mind.
In the past few months Joonmyun had never minded their short walks, but he had always appreciated how short they were. They hardly spoke together, had always been a little on the awkward side even as they got closer and Jongin opened up to him. Even now they’re quiet, but Joonmyun doesn’t mind the silence and he doesn’t think Jongin does either. It’s already time for them to part ways before Joonmyun really has a chance to enjoy it, standing at the familiar crossroad where Jongin usually tells him goodbye.
Tonight Jongin bids him goodbye with a press of his lips against his own. He breaks their kiss when he smiles too widely against Jongin’s lips, and he thinks he might have ruined the moment, but Jongin smiles back at him, laughing quietly and squeezes his hand. He rests his forehead against Joonmyun’s as the light turns from red to green.
“Goodnight.”
From: Your Secret Santa
Title: All eyes on you
Rating: PG-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Suho/Kai
Length: 4,128 words
Summary: Joonmyun doesn’t have any real secrets to keep until he accidentally creates them.
Warnings: Mentions of alcohol.
“Kai.” Joonmyun stops fixing the mask on his face for a moment to take the other’s hand, a faint smile on his lips.
“Nice to meet you, Kai. I’m Suho,” he says, smile stretching, “I’m looking forward to work with you.” Kai smiles back at him shyly, before he pulls on his own mask, covering half of his face with. It’s identical to Joonmyun’s, black with the hexagon logo of the club in silver at the very right side.
Joonmyun walks over to the door, music booming into the dressing room as he opens it. He winces slightly. Even after two years of working there every weekend, he’s still caught off guard by how loud the music is and how soundproof their back rooms are. He stands there, patiently holding the door until Kai is ready to join him.
Tonight is their first shift together, Joonmyun only working on Fridays and Saturdays, so the older watches their new employee from the corner of his eyes as they step over to the bar. Yixing smiles to them, before he disappears as he’s finally allowed to end his night. Kai has only been working there for a week, but he already seems to have gotten a hang of handling the customers.
Mixing drinks isn’t really what they show it to be like in movies. There is no juggling, no bottles thrown or turning in the air. Those who come into EXO Club aren’t there for the drinks or to get drunk, most of them already tipsy when they step inside at the least. They’re there for the people, for the music and to dance. They’re there because of the reputation of the club, the high mood and to have a blast, fulfil a night with drunken decisions, but without regrets and to experience something unforgettable, or possibly something that will be worth forgetting about. Those who come into EXO are there to make the best of their youth.
Joonmyun could, if he wanted to, throw an open bottle over his shoulder and catch it with the other hand without spilling a single drop as it turns in the air and he pulls forward a glass to fill, but no one cares here. Maybe it’s a nice move if he wants to impress someone, but nobody really wants to be impressed, not when they just want a drink to keep them high and going as the rest of the night waits for them.
It’s a busy night, Halloween attracting more people than usual, and Joonmyun barely even has time to fix the mask that the holiday has forced him to wear and slides down his nose a slight bit. He however does appreciate that his hands are being kept busy, the fake blood painting his face tickling his skin, his fingers itching to scratch it off. Some of the customers he serves are dressed up as well, some surely more than others, but Joonmyun thinks it’s perfect either way to help setting the mood.
The bass is awfully loud, making the floor tremble beneath Joonmyun’s feet, the vibrations coursing through his body. The sound is intoxicating. The air in the club is hot and thick, and Joonmyun feels a little dazed as well. His eyes fall upon a girl on the dance floor, the electric blue dye in her hair catching his attention. She closes her eyes, body swaying languidly to the rhythm as if she’s in a trance, her head thrown back and face blissful even as a howl that is mixed into the music pierces through the room.
He looks over at Kai, who is standing further down the bar with a shaker in his hand, pouring a creamy pink liquid into the small glasses lined up on the table between him and the two girls waiting. They down their first shots even before Kai has moved on to a new customer. Joonmyun can see how the music seems to affect him as well, his body rocking to the beat of the song as he mixes another drink.
Kai moves with a certain grace that Joonmyun can’t describe or put is his finger on and he has to force himself to stop looking whenever his eyes begin to wander. They don’t talk a lot, still strangers, so the only words exchanged between them are in relation to work. It’s not quite the place to hold a conversation anyway, but still, Joonmyun thinks he’d like to hear more of Kai’s voice.
Joonmyun has already served too many drinks when his break comes. He seeks refuge in the dressing room to give his ears some rest. He thoughtlessly pulls the mask of his face, messing up his hair and he sighs as he stares at himself through the mirror. His fifteen minutes break is short-lived and he inhales deeply before standing up from his seat, preparing himself for the noise.
There are less people at the bar now, most of the stools empty, abandoned while the floor is packed, bodies pressed against each other as they move together. Someone places a hand on his shoulder, so he turns around, head tilting to look Kai in the eyes. The other has a jacket over his arm, his mask resting on his head and pushing his hair back. He leans down to him, his mouth next to Joonmyun’s ear as he tells him that his shift is over and that he’ll be heading home. Joonmyun answers Kai, trying not to shout him in the ear, but his voice is drowned by the music and he is forced to raise his voice anyway.
“Right! Stay safe on your way home!” Kai straightens his back, nodding to Joonmyun with a smile and giving him a thumb up. Joonmyun offers his hand, his voice straining when he tells Kai ‘nice meeting you.’ He can’t hear the reply he receives, can only see the way Kai’s lips move as he shouts something back, hand squeezing his. Joonmyun can’t tell what he was saying and he doesn’t ask the other to repeat it, content with the grin on Kai’s face.
Yifan calls it a crush.
Joonmyun calls it attraction and nothing more.
Joonmyun doesn't have a crush on Kai, even if he happens to sneak looks at him during work, or if he happens to like the sound of his ridiculous laugh. Joonmyun can't possibly have a crush on Kai. They barely know each other yet. Even if they find the time to talk at work, it would be impossible with the music playing in the club, drowning the sound of their voices.
Joonmyun closes the club down a Saturday night with Kai. It's 6 in the morning when they finally leave as the last ones, and they're exhausted. They're going in the same direction for the first five to ten minutes, before Kai needs to take a turn down the street. They talk a little as they go together, about the night, work and the customers. Joonmyun's throat is sore, voice hoarse from the shouting inside the club. Kai gives him a nod and a small smile as he tells him goodbye and goodnight.
Today is going to be a bad day. Joonmyun knows, because his throat is hurting, his head heavy and throbbing, and he can't stop sneezing or coughing. As much as he'd like to stay home and nurse his cold, it's Tuesday and he has two important lectures and a class to attend to. There are two months to his exams and he can't risk missing anything these next few weeks. So, Joonmyun pulls out one of his thick and less appealing sweaters to wear along with the thick, knitted scarf Baekhyun bought him last Christmas. The headache doesn't go away even after Joonmyun has swallowed down two pills, so he leaves out his contacts today, opting for his glasses instead. It's alright to look a bit sloppy once in a while, he tells himself as he sees himself in the bathroom mirror.
Being a little stressed as well as sick, Joonmyun forgets that he had had a tutoring session today. His professor had told him that the tutoring would help him earn some credits and that he was the best candidate even with exams coming up, so Joonmyun can't find himself refuse professor Jung the request.
He's taking his time packing his things and most of the class has already left. He's not in a hurry, he thinks, slowly putting his books into his backpack.
There’s someone standing at the school entrance. Joonmyun sees him all the way through the empty hallway. He has his back to Joonmyun, waiting for someone; Joonmyun can tell from his stance, and briefly wonders who it could be. He’s halfway through the room when he realises that, oh, maybe it’s him. He walks up to him, clearing his throat when he asks,
“Kim Jongin?”
The boy turns around quickly, staring back at Joonmyun.
“Kim Joonmyun?” Joonmyun nods, voice caught in his throat. Kim Jongin looks exactly like Kai save the makeup. His hair falls flat down his head unlike Kai’s that it always styled and pushed back to expose more of his face. Joonmyun isn’t stupid though, he can put two and two together, and Kai has never mentioned anything about a twin even if they rarely talk, hardly ever about their private life. The purpose of using pseudonyms is after all to be allowed to keep parts of your private life to yourself. Work is work. Professional. That’s the whole point. Joonmyun has worked for EXO for a little past two years and only two have shared their real names with him. Yifan and Yixing, simply because they go to the same university and Joonmyun shares a few classes with Yixing. He has Xiumin around campus a few times before as well, but has never approached him. While Yixing is someone who doesn’t care much about separating work from the rest of his life, Xiumin takes great care of keeping the two apart, never without a mask during open hours.
“Um, so where should we go? The library?” When Joonmyun doesn’t answer right away, he continues, insecure, “or maybe an empty classroom?”
Joonmyun blinks a few times, frowning.
Jongin doesn't recognise him.
Joonmyun has never been particularly secretive to his co-workers regarding what he's doing when he isn't working nor has he ever tried to keep his part-time occupation in the dark to his classmates. Sure, he hasn’t told his parents, but he doesn’t think it would matter much anyway. He has only few that he works in a nightclub, but he has never particularly kept it a secret. He guesses he's never talked about because that's simply how it works. He understands that some do indeed like to keep those two sides of their life apart, so while he doesn't mind, he had simply decided to follow the custom.
"Joonmyun-ssi, are you very sick?" Jongin asked, brows knit together in worry. "Because if you are, we can do this another day."
He shakes his head in reply, "no, I'm fine," he says.
"Are you sure? Your throat seems to be in a bad condition?" Joonmyun nods, instinctively pulling his scarf closer to his face, covering more of it.
"It's okay, I can still tutor you," he says and coughs. Jongin looks at him, slightly amused, slightly worried.
"Let's find an unoccupied class," Joonmyun says, keeping his low. He knows, he ought to just tell Jongin who he is, doesn’t really mind if he were to find out, but his body decides to act differently and he knows his only digging his own grave deeper.
Joonmyun has shared a shift Saturday night with Jongin, who had not mentioned anything about school or a tutor, before he meets him in the library Thursday afternoon. He has recovered from his cold or flu or whatever it was and is in fact feeling quite well, but he decides to wear a mask along with his glasses. He’s only making it more difficult for himself, he knows, but somehow, he feels as if he has come to a point where this might be the easiest solution. Or so he tries to tell himself.
If Joonmyun didn’t have a crush on Jongin before tutoring, he definitely does now. Jongin is so different outside of the club and it’s nothing but endearing to him. He’s shy, timid and lacks the confidence that is always oozing from him at night time, the smirks all gone. Joonmyun has even made him blush a few times. He had been afraid that Jongin would recognise his voice, but the two of them has barely ever talked to each for very long and most of those times, they had been shouting to each other, trying to get their message through the loud music. The short minutes they have together when they finish a shift are usually spend in silence as well. Their voices are always a little hoarser at those times and there’s a ringing in the back of Joonmyun’s head after escaping the drumming bass.
He still wears his glasses to the tutoring session even though he prefers contact lenses, and the scarf around his neck, covering the bottom of his face, serves another purpose of just keeping from safe from the cold winds approaching the season.
“Are you sensitive to the cold, hyung?” Jongin asks one day when Joonmyun doesn’t even take off his jacket. He nods, pulling out his books, and Jongin smiles. Joonmyun thinks he might hear the other murmuring “cute” to himself. He hides blush behind his scarf.
“Suho-hyung,” Jongin says, looking up at the skies, searching for anything that isn’t complete darkness, “can I tell you a secret?”
Joonmyun looks at him, tracing Jongin’s jawline with his eyes, saying “yeah.”
“I think I’m in love.” Joonmyun keeps quiet, taken aback.
“Oh?”
“Yeah.”
They walk home in silence after that, only bidding each other a soft “goodnight” when they part ways, but walking home by himself doesn’t make it easier to stop thinking.
Jongin is studious, even though he always seems sleepy and unfocused, and Joonmyun sees how quickly he’s improving. He feels a little proud. If Joonmyun ends up failing his upcoming exams, at least he knows that Jongin won’t.
Sometimes, Jongin tries to engage in a conversation with Joonmyun, when they’re done for the day or during the small breaks Joonmyun rewards him with. He can’t recognise Joonmyun’s voice as Suho’s, not very familiar with either, but Joonmyun is still afraid he’ll get figured out. He doesn’t want to turn Jongin down, but he knows that he isn’t being very responsive with his short and somewhat curt answers, constantly humming, nodding or shaking his head when answering instead of speaking. He tries to show Jongin that he does care and is indeed interested by asking him back, hoping that it will make Jongin lead the conversation instead, but Joonmyun’s short answers always throws him off, always nervous when he replies, because he’s afraid that Joonmyun doesn’t care.
It’s already a few minutes past 4pm when Joonmyun arrives at the nightclub, but he doesn’t pay it any mind, no one does. They’re opening the doors and the bar for customers in less than an hour, but no one comes by at those hours. Their boss doesn’t even turn up before 10.
He’s surprised to see Jongin there already, putting the chairs down from the tables and getting the place ready. He didn’t realise that Jongin worked during the early hours too, shifts Joonmyun had long given up on. He’s only here tonight, because Yifan called in sick and asked Joonmyun if he wanted to and he didn’t mind. It’s nice having a favour in hand. Jongin doesn't seem to notice him, so silently goes to the back to rid himself from his jacket. He fiddles a little with his hair, checking his make-up before he goes out again, glad that Baekhyun was willing to give him a few tips with the eyeliner.
“You won’t change much if you’re not going to put more on than that,” he had said, looking a little bored.
Joonmyun shrugs to himself. He does think it makes him look different, and it make him feel a little more secure. He goes out with a small smile to help Jongin with the chairs and wipe the tables clean.
There are still no guests an hour after opening and Jongin and Joonmyun are sharing a table with D.O while Xiumin is taking care of the empty bar. This is the first time he’s been able to speak with Jongin properly. There’s something comforting about Jongin’s voice, so he keeps the other talking, asking about things he already knows as his tutor. It’s almost embarrassing how he forgets that they’re not the only ones at the table. Jongin seems to get along well with D.O too, easily conversing with him, and Joonmyun briefly wonders if they know each other by their real names. He almost slips then, almost calls out Jongin by his name instead of Kai. He coughs a little too hard to cover it, which gives him more attention than he’d like when no one catches his mistake. He sips at his water sheepishly, speaking a little less for the rest of the night.
Joonmyun thinks that the twinkles in the sky could be stars. He's never really looked up at the sky on his way home from work, eyes busy with what's ahead of him.
They've both been quiet until now when Jongin suddenly speaks, "hyung, the one I like, it's a guy."
Joonmyun looks at Jongin and away from the sky, quiet.
"Are you... okay with that?" Jongin continues. He's looking up, trying to see what Joonmyun was looking at.
"Yeah, why wouldn’t I?"
A week later Jongin tells Joonmyun that his crush is a senior, an older student at his university and Joonmyun can hear the sound of his own heartbeat.
“It’s you!” Baekhyun says when he tells him and Chanyeol. He bites his lips, staring at the table.
“It could be someone else though.”
“He said it was someone who tutored him right, didn’t he?”
“Yes. But he also gets tutored by someone in physics-”
“Oh, shut up!” Baekhyun almost yells, turning to Chanyeol for help.
“He’s right, hyung. It’s probably you.”
“Of course it’s him,” Baekhyun continues, sounding a little desperate.
“Last time is on Thursday,” Joonmyun then tells them, “he said he wasn’t going to confess.”
“So are you going to actually do something about this? Because you need to do something about this.” Joonmyun sighs. He knows that Baekhyun is right, but he’s reluctant to admit it. He’s aware that he ought to react to this, but he doesn’t know how at this point, realising how gravely he has messed up. It’s quiet for a short while before Baekhyun groans loudly, “why do I even bother with you.”
For Jongin’s last tutoring lesson, Joonmyun buys him a cupcake. He had thought it would’ve been nice to treat him for a meal, but that would probably have been too risky. It’s relieving to finally be over with the tutoring and constantly needing to cover for himself, but he’s also a little sad about having less time with Jongin.
He counts down the minutes for different reasons and they’re almost done when Yixing passes by, waving eagerly at them. Jongin looks slightly confused, and Joonmyun has no idea what he looks like, just that he can feel his heart beating too fast and too hard in his chest when Yixing approaches them.
It’s just so absolutely ridiculous that he has, for miraculous and unexplainable reasons, managed to keep his secret only for it to be revealed because Yixing has a family dinner that he forgot about and needs someone to cover for him.
Jongin disappears before he has any chance of explaining himself. Joonmyun rests his head on the table, letting out a whine when Yixing asks him what’s going on.
He already dreads telling Baekhyun about this.
“Wow, hyung,” Chanyeol says, leaning back in his chair, exhaling deeply. Baekhyun rolls his eyes.
“Just how stupid are you?”
Joonmyun whines, “I know!”
“Oh? You sure about that?” Baekhyun presses on.
“I don’t know it happened! I panicked!”
Baekhyun sighs, looking Joonmyun directly in the eyes, “no. See, you panicked the first time you met him there. That was reasonable. The next time, you planned it. You purposely hid your face and tried to speak in a different voice. That’s not panicking.”
“But I couldn’t face him after the first time! He had no idea it was me!”
“But you made it worse!” Baekhyun bites back, raising his voice, slapping his hand against Chanyeol’s stomach to pull him back to the conversation.
“He’s right, hyung,” he says, an apologetic look on his face. Joonmyun leans his head against the hard table surface, groaning loudly and turns his head look at them.
“So what do you suggest I do then?” Baekhyun snorts at the question, rolling his eyes.
“No advices from here,” he says, grabbing his sandwich to take a bite. He doesn’t look sorry. Joonmyun isn’t surprised, but he makes a sobbing noise anyway, looking down at the table again.
“But hey, at least he likes you, right?” Chanyeol tries. Joonmyun doesn’t even bother looking at him, his hand easily finding his bottle of water before he throws it in Chanyeol’s general direction. He knows he has hit him when he hears a soft thump and Chanyeol’s cursing.
Jongin doesn’t talk to him when they work together, of course he doesn’t, and he doesn’t wait for Joonmyun either when they have closed down to walk home together. The tension between them at work is horrible. It’s awkward when they’re together and Jongin always leave as soon as Joonmyun tries to say anything, because he’s feeling embarrassed. It doesn’t go unnoticed and after a couple of weeks, Baekhyun isn’t the only one of his friends bothering him about the issue.
Joonmyun’s next move is Professor Jung. He doesn’t want to involve more people in this, but searching for Jongin at campus with no clue about where he is impossible. He manages to get a hold of Jongin’s timetable, but most of his classes are too far away for Joonmyun to reach if he wants to make it to his own lectures and Jongin is already gone when he finally arrives at the nearly empty classroom.
He ends up cornering Jongin during one of their breaks to talk. He feels just as nervous as Jongin looks. He did plan a few things to say, but he’s forgotten it all now, stumbling over the words without being able to form a proper sentence. Suddenly it’s Jongin who’s apologising and Joonmyun has to stop him, tell him that it’s okay, because he likes him too and no, it’s not something he’s just saying. It gets a little better after that, they’re still standing a little awkward and Jongin still has a hard time looking him in the eyes, but he’s smiling now.
They’re interrupted by Tao who tells them they need to cut their break short, because they need help in the club. They both nod, a little flustered, before Joonmyun grabs Jongin’s hand. His nausea is gone, replaced by a warm, fuzzy feeling when the other entwines their fingers.
There are no stars in the sky tonight, but the moon is full, Joonmyun notes when he walks out of the club with Jongin. It’s freezing and he isn’t wearing gloves, his only option sticking his hands in his pockets, but he keeps the left hand out for Jongin to hold even if it does little to help the cold. It’s alright, Joonmyun doesn’t mind.
In the past few months Joonmyun had never minded their short walks, but he had always appreciated how short they were. They hardly spoke together, had always been a little on the awkward side even as they got closer and Jongin opened up to him. Even now they’re quiet, but Joonmyun doesn’t mind the silence and he doesn’t think Jongin does either. It’s already time for them to part ways before Joonmyun really has a chance to enjoy it, standing at the familiar crossroad where Jongin usually tells him goodbye.
Tonight Jongin bids him goodbye with a press of his lips against his own. He breaks their kiss when he smiles too widely against Jongin’s lips, and he thinks he might have ruined the moment, but Jongin smiles back at him, laughing quietly and squeezes his hand. He rests his forehead against Joonmyun’s as the light turns from red to green.
“Goodnight.”