teary eyes && runny noses.
one major thing im worried about me moving is him falling out of love with me.
i have a huge feeling it will happen. and makes me want to vomit. it makes me soo sick to my stomach.
and to think...he was worried about me breaking his heart.
the tables have turned my friend.
the tables
have turned.
i want to cry. but i cant. im supposed to be a strong person. not an emotional fuck.
i guess i do wear my heart on my sleeve.
but it'll break as of january 9th.
therefore i wouldnt have to worry about wearing it down there anymore.
after that it'll be splattered all over the ground, probably on thousands and thousands of different people's shoes.
fucking glorious.
my thing is.
who am i going to come back to.
no one.
and that kills me.
no one that loves me.
no one that wants to be with me.
whats the point of coming back.
if any.
i dont think there is one if the person i want doesnt want me anymore.
who am i going to show off how amazing i look cuz i wont be eating anything while im up there, and all i'll be doing is walking. no one will care. i thought it'd be fun to come back and be like ya im hot. now you can show me off because i want you and i'll be the best i've ever been. and you are all i want.
i dont care how much money you have. where you live. if youre fat. if youre thin. if youre muscular if youre boney. i want you because you're you. and thats amazing to me. you have a tendency to cheer me up when no one else can. even if it is when you tickle me.
i still hear..in my mind......the first time we met and you said i fit perfectly in your arms. i dont want to grow out of them.
i could cuddle with you for hours.
hold your hands, hug you. kiss you, try and find your tickle spots. and it'd make me the happiest ever.
but im so positive that it will all change when i leave in little over a week. i wish i wasnt leaving. only because of you. but i am. and im sorry im leaving you. and all these emotions i'm feeling are in fact my fault because i am the one leaving you.
i just wish we'd be able to work through the fact that we wont see each other for five months. but that hasnt even been discussed. its like when i leave. thats the end of us. and we dont even know if there will be an us when i get back.
you do deserve someone amazing. someone beautiful. someone funny. im sorry im not that person. i wish you loved me sooooo much that you'd want to try and work things out while im away. but thats not even a topic of conversation. and it hurts me.
i hope this new years is the best.
it might be the worst though. if it's our first and last.
i'm spending the night. and it makes me smile to think i get to spend the night in your bed with you one last time before i leave. or just in general. we have no idea. i hope its not the last last. because sleeping next to you is the most amazing feeling ever. like i never want it to end. cuddling and falling asleep to the sound of you breathing. i love it. im definately going to miss it. thats for sure.
if anything. if we dont stay "together" or continue to be whatever we are...i want you to know that you mean so much to me. you're an amazing person. hilarious. intelligent. sweet. so if i dont have the luck to keep you like i'd want to....i hope you find a girl that treats you amazing. and loves you for all the things that you should be loved for. i hope she is not a bitch. i hope she doesnt fuck with your emotions. i hope your family loves her as much as you would. i hope she never breaks your heart. because if she does, i'll fuck her up. because you don't deserve that. you deserve the best. of everything. and i hope you get all that you want in life. even if it seems unreachable. i want you to still aim high and try and reach it. because you can do anything. i have so much faith in you.
the one thing i want you never to forget is me. i know im not the greatest person ever. but i'd like to think that i wouldnt be forgotten so easily. but you never know. another thing is that i love you. and there is an extremely special place in my heart for you. that will never go away. i dont want you to forget that either.
well ive been crying for some time now. so im going to go to sleep.
i have a huge feeling it will happen. and makes me want to vomit. it makes me soo sick to my stomach.
and to think...he was worried about me breaking his heart.
the tables have turned my friend.
the tables
have turned.
i want to cry. but i cant. im supposed to be a strong person. not an emotional fuck.
i guess i do wear my heart on my sleeve.
but it'll break as of january 9th.
therefore i wouldnt have to worry about wearing it down there anymore.
after that it'll be splattered all over the ground, probably on thousands and thousands of different people's shoes.
fucking glorious.
my thing is.
who am i going to come back to.
no one.
and that kills me.
no one that loves me.
no one that wants to be with me.
whats the point of coming back.
if any.
i dont think there is one if the person i want doesnt want me anymore.
who am i going to show off how amazing i look cuz i wont be eating anything while im up there, and all i'll be doing is walking. no one will care. i thought it'd be fun to come back and be like ya im hot. now you can show me off because i want you and i'll be the best i've ever been. and you are all i want.
i dont care how much money you have. where you live. if youre fat. if youre thin. if youre muscular if youre boney. i want you because you're you. and thats amazing to me. you have a tendency to cheer me up when no one else can. even if it is when you tickle me.
i still hear..in my mind......the first time we met and you said i fit perfectly in your arms. i dont want to grow out of them.
i could cuddle with you for hours.
hold your hands, hug you. kiss you, try and find your tickle spots. and it'd make me the happiest ever.
but im so positive that it will all change when i leave in little over a week. i wish i wasnt leaving. only because of you. but i am. and im sorry im leaving you. and all these emotions i'm feeling are in fact my fault because i am the one leaving you.
i just wish we'd be able to work through the fact that we wont see each other for five months. but that hasnt even been discussed. its like when i leave. thats the end of us. and we dont even know if there will be an us when i get back.
you do deserve someone amazing. someone beautiful. someone funny. im sorry im not that person. i wish you loved me sooooo much that you'd want to try and work things out while im away. but thats not even a topic of conversation. and it hurts me.
i hope this new years is the best.
it might be the worst though. if it's our first and last.
i'm spending the night. and it makes me smile to think i get to spend the night in your bed with you one last time before i leave. or just in general. we have no idea. i hope its not the last last. because sleeping next to you is the most amazing feeling ever. like i never want it to end. cuddling and falling asleep to the sound of you breathing. i love it. im definately going to miss it. thats for sure.
if anything. if we dont stay "together" or continue to be whatever we are...i want you to know that you mean so much to me. you're an amazing person. hilarious. intelligent. sweet. so if i dont have the luck to keep you like i'd want to....i hope you find a girl that treats you amazing. and loves you for all the things that you should be loved for. i hope she is not a bitch. i hope she doesnt fuck with your emotions. i hope your family loves her as much as you would. i hope she never breaks your heart. because if she does, i'll fuck her up. because you don't deserve that. you deserve the best. of everything. and i hope you get all that you want in life. even if it seems unreachable. i want you to still aim high and try and reach it. because you can do anything. i have so much faith in you.
the one thing i want you never to forget is me. i know im not the greatest person ever. but i'd like to think that i wouldnt be forgotten so easily. but you never know. another thing is that i love you. and there is an extremely special place in my heart for you. that will never go away. i dont want you to forget that either.
well ive been crying for some time now. so im going to go to sleep.