i realized that if i could fall asleep everynight in someones arms...it'd be his.
so went to joeys last night, then to erikas.
everyone was drinking.
i didnt have one drop though.
ha if it wasnt for the cigs, i'd so be straight edge. aha LAME.
but i ended up driving mattjohn home cuz he puked allllllllll over himself at erikas, and there was NO way anyone was going to let him drive home, so i drove his car and him, to his house, then michele and erika picked me up and off we went to erikas.
joey drank quite a bit too. but its ok. i wanted him to have fun.
i got irritated last night cuz of certain things.
i dunno.
joey n i say i love you and all that stuff. yet he says we are "kinda seeing" each other.
i wonder if it'd be different if i was staying, probably not.
thats my luck.
so last night was alright...he got drunk...er buzzed as he likes to call it. therefore i stayed sober, cuz yeaaaaa i dont need a dui or anything before i leave.
so we drove back to his place. had to parallel park in front of his car and behind a ghetto volvo. haha. so funny. i told him i was going to hit his car and he's like i dont care. and i did. haha. it was hilarious. but i felt sooooo bad. it scared the shit outta me. although i wasnt even idling i was backing up w/ the brake on and shit, so it wasnt like hella hard. hah. then we jaywalked and went to his apartment and told his padre that i was spending the night. hah. so we did some stuff. and im hella lame. i dont want to discuss it cuz it just makes me want to fucking cry and shit like i did yesterday. i fucking love him so much. he is so amazing. when i do move....in 15 days....if he decides that he doesnt want to be with me...its going to hurt me extremely. but i just want him to be happy. with everything about the person he wants to date.
when i leave in 15 days. i want something that will remind me of him. and make me think of all the good times with him. but im not getting a christmas present from him because i didnt want him to waste money on me. but i just want something so i can think of him being with me, rather than 3,700 miles away.
im pissed at myself for leaving him. it hurts me sooo much. i wish i could stay. or pack him in a bag and take him with. but yea. i made my decision. i've always wanted to go up there, but i didnt think i'd be doing it when i finally realize that i love someone. and just thinking about not being able to see him for five months. breaks my heart and my spirit. im going to be the saddest person in alaska.....in 15 days.
i realized that if i could fall asleep everynight in someones arms...it'd be his. too bad his arms wont stretch all the way from stanton to fairbanks. :(
and leaving with a lovely note;;
I L O V E H I M