Purple Rain
I said I'd accept. I've taken steps forward. I'm terrified.
I should do this, he says. For me. People have said such things to me before, but I have never believed them. This is different. I feel supported. It feels good. I'm sad to have not been able to have had this before. My future is all jumbled up right now, but this gives me hope. At least I know that even, despite the most fucked up situations, there are good guys.
I have so much to do, it makes my brain want to implode. I'm trying to take one thing at a time. There are some things that if I think about too much, I don't think I'll be able to go through with this. Like my favorite little ones. I know I'll still see them, but it won't be the same. I can't imagine my life void of their little hands on my face, reading them books, wiping snotty noses, laughing at their antics and watching them grow and learn literally from one day to the next. My heart aches... But now that I've actually said that, maybe I can let it go for now, keep enjoying those moments. Not think about it...again.
I should do this, he says. For me. People have said such things to me before, but I have never believed them. This is different. I feel supported. It feels good. I'm sad to have not been able to have had this before. My future is all jumbled up right now, but this gives me hope. At least I know that even, despite the most fucked up situations, there are good guys.
I have so much to do, it makes my brain want to implode. I'm trying to take one thing at a time. There are some things that if I think about too much, I don't think I'll be able to go through with this. Like my favorite little ones. I know I'll still see them, but it won't be the same. I can't imagine my life void of their little hands on my face, reading them books, wiping snotty noses, laughing at their antics and watching them grow and learn literally from one day to the next. My heart aches... But now that I've actually said that, maybe I can let it go for now, keep enjoying those moments. Not think about it...again.