side effects they don't advertise..
you look so enchanting, slumped over in some random bathroom, plastic nails grasp some nameless medication, and you're heaving on inadequacies, and you're wondering if you'll ever be.
It used to be such a lovely feeling, to wake up to the whole world spinning, and some random body to share your slurring , & now I'm figuring even my worst of enemies would feel so warm, I tend to get dangerous when left alone. If you havent noticed from my bullshit compliments, or my attempt to emmulate some doll-like object, I'm sort of a fuck-up. I used to think it was a defense mechanism. "you mess things up on purpose, before anyone hurts you, before anyone else can screw it up and screw you over" my friend put it so aptly but it's not like I'm not hurting now, It's not like I'm not hurting all the fucking time regardless.
I have come to the realization that I do not really want to see myself succeed, I don't want to see myself do anything. I think it is hard for others to comprehend that various pick up lines and envious eyes mean nothing to me. I've always been a guest in my own body, just hoping to break out into something beautiful and charming, but still I remain so hopeless and clumsy, a living, breathing shortcoming.
I felt that you should know that everything you've ever heard about me is probably a lie. I'd love to be confident and naive and stuck up and boring, but I'm this instead. I thought you should know why I screw things up, why I pull away from hands in all the right places, why I spend my time concealing anything that would suggest feelings.
&hopefullyI'lljuststopfeeling.