I Pity You
Title: I Pity You
Author: sugareey (aka ME)
Rating: pg-13
Pairing: H/D
Word Count: 1,807 =P
Summary: it takes a lot to realize the truth when it's in front of you.
Disclaimer: not mine. however, it is my duty to manipulate the characters.
Warning: post hbp. this is from the determination series.
A/N: nothing really this time. i'm just bored and i'm trying to move this along. this is continued from I Envy You. find out for yourself. it would be best to read previous parts. cheers!
It was matter of time before he turned the page. He hadn’t looked at it since 3rd year, since he heard about Sirius Black. Obviously, it was different now. With more photographs added to the album, it made the burden heavier. How could he forget about the times he had with his friends? What about his six years at Hogwarts? Could he leave it all behind? He knew everyone was depending on him to succeed. What would happen if he didn’t? Would he fail his parents?
Harry flipped through the pages one by one, memorizing the faces in each photo. There was a chance he would never see them again. At least those who weren’t dead yet. He hated the fact that people were dead because of him. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty. Death was like a contagious disease. Soon enough, it would infect him. If Dumbledore died, then everyone would too. But if Harry could live to tell his tale, things might be different.
He could feel his eyes watering as he looked at Ron’s and Hermione’s smiling faces gazing back at him. They were waving. He didn’t want to wave back, in case this wasn’t goodbye. What pained him the most was Ginny. He remembered Ron and Hermione took pictures of them under the tree near the lake last year. Most of the time Harry and Ginny liked to tickle or lean on each other. Sometimes they engaged in deep conversations about things he would never tell anyone else. Ginny was the only person who knew Voldemort’s capabilities. She would know, after being possessed by his diary. She also knew this was Harry’s war to win.
A Time Turner would be the perfect solution to fix everything. Or perhaps not since too much had already happened. The war needed to continue. Whether he denied it or not, Harry knew he was just a tool. He was the weapon that would save the Wizarding World. Once his purpose was completed, he would be no more. He tried not to think about that. Harry wished he cherished the times he spent with those who helped him. He might have taken them for granted, which was not what he intended. If they knew how important they were to him, maybe they would understand why he had to end it all.
Taking one last glance at himself and Ginny laughing and embracing, Harry shut the album and set it aside along with his glasses. Lying stomach down on the bed, he buried his face in his pillow. It seemed like he was crying more often. He relaxed his limbs, feeling the fabric against his face moisten. His body shook slightly as he silently wept. Mourning was a waste of time yet he couldn’t help it. He was too overwhelmed to notice Draco by the doorway. Draco was about to knock on the open door to announce his presence. He froze when he heard a stifled sob.
“Potter?”
No answer. Draco slowly crept to Harry’s bedside until he stood next to the nightstand.
Harry continued to cry, his arms hugging the pillow. Draco gazed at Harry’s vulnerable state before noticing the leather-bound photo album. Feeling the soft cover, he flipped to the first page. James and Lily Potter. It seemed like the photograph was taken ages ago. The couple was beaming and holding hands. Harry’s family. Draco could definitely see the resemblance between James and Harry. Like father, like son. With the same untidy hair, glasses and posture, they were the same. And Lily’s eyes, yes, those were the stunning eyes that Harry inherited.
Draco studied the photos of Harry as an infant. He was surprised to see the next page was filled with pictures of him at eleven years old. Where were the other ten years of his childhood? The more Draco turned the pages, the more people he saw accompanied with Harry. He noted how happy he looked. He could only recall the constant sneers and insults they exchanged whenever they passed each other back at Hogwarts. But now that Hogwarts was closed and they were both at Grimmauld Place, it all seemed pathetic.
It almost made him angry to see Harry and Ginny enjoying themselves under the tree. As he scanned through photos of the pair, Draco wondered how Ginny made Harry smile. Draco could never do that. He wondered why he wasn’t part of Harry’s life. It was until he replaced the album back on the nightstand that he realized he was. Draco had always been part of Harry’s life.
He paused to listen, only to hear soft breathing. Harry must have cried himself to sleep. Draco watched his still form before walking toward the doorway. A rush of emotion hit him in the stomach. Guilt? Remorse? He wasn’t sure. He only knew he had almost killed Harry. Draco definitely had the power to kill. He could always kill his father, Wormtail and possibly Voldemort. But he had been forced to attempt murder on people who ironically helped him. While Dumbledore had been rational on the Astronomy Tower, it was Harry who made things possible. Without him, there would be no war. There would be no choices, sacrifices or lessons learned. There would be nothing.
“I’m nothing,” the sloppy script reminded Draco from the night before. “I envy you.”
“I pity you,” he replied to the room before closing the door.
He immediately regretted his words. He hated pity. He was pretty sure Harry did too.
~~~~~
“Have a good slumber?”
Harry glared at Draco as he came down to the kitchen. He noticed Draco was sitting at the table with a plateful of eggs, bacon and toast. Another plate was set for him. Two bottles of butterbeer accompanied the meal.
“Finally made Kreacher do something useful, have you?” he answered as he sat down.
“No, but I’ll be happy to take the credit,” drawled Draco lightly. “Of course, it was all done by magic. I would never do house elf work.”
“Figures.”
Harry sniffed. He shook his hair out of his bloodshot eyes before eating. Draco stared at him, his fork suspended in midair.
“What?” asked Harry, noticing this after a few minutes.
“Nothing.”
“I just have allergies, alright? It’s no big deal.”
“Just thought I’d mention that you look like absolute shit, Potter.”
“Like I couldn’t tell!” retorted Harry sarcastically. “Wouldn’t you look like this if you never get sleep at night?”
Draco glanced down at his almost empty plate. He put down his utensils, dabbed his mouth with a napkin and rested his hands in his lap.
“Nightmares?” he whispered quietly.
“Yeah,” responded Harry slowly. “Do-so you have them too?”
“Different ones, mind you. But yeah, I don’t sleep either.”
“Do you ever see Voldemort in them? Or the Death Eaters?”
Draco bit his lip. It hurt just to recall the memories as a servant. Then again, he had never told anyone before.
“Sometimes, yes. I’ll see him giving me the Dark Mark or Mother being tortured as a hostage. I see Father dying in Azkaban. But I don’t think that’s the worse.”
Harry watched him attentively. Taking a swig of butterbeer, he waited for Draco to elaborate.
“I see the Dark Lord killing me. I see Snape killing Dumbledore. I see myself killing you.”
Harry choked, instantly remembering what had happened the day before. He could have been dead by now.
“But I stopped it,” continued Draco. “I never wanted to do it. None of this.”
“But you did.”
“Yes, I did. The Dark Lord was rather fond of Father before he went away. Thought I had his potential, so I became one of them. Crabbe and Goyle couldn’t do it nor could anyone else. The Dark Lord couldn’t afford another fuck up.”
“So you chose to become a Death Eater? You could have rejected his offer.”
“Yes, so that my family would get slaughtered? I don’t think so.”
Harry nodded, thinking how bizarre it was to have this conversation with Draco. It didn’t get him closer to finding the Horcruxes, but it was still information.
“You should have done it.”
“Reject him?” questioned Draco curiously.
“No. You should have killed me.”
Draco opened his mouth, gaping at Harry.
“Are you mad, Potter?”
“You would have succeeded. Your mum would be safe, Voldemort would get what he wanted and so would I. The prophecy would be fulfilled and the war would be over.”
“Prophecy? What prophecy?”
Harry was about to explain but he stopped himself.
“Snape never told you?”
“About that, no.”
“Let’s put it this way. You know what the golden lockets are, right? The ones that I showed you yesterday?”
“Horcruxes, aren’t they? At least one of them is. Found out about them in the Manor. Snape knows a great deal about them too. Six of them, yes?”
“Seven,” corrected Harry, “if you include Voldemort himself. After the other Horcruxes are destroyed, then he’s mortal again.”
“Exactly what are you telling me?”
Harry avoided Draco’s gaze, occupying himself by playing with his fork. He was uncertain about revealing such crucial information. What had made him trust Draco so soon? Biding time, he downed his butterbeer and began clearing the table.
“You don’t trust me.”
Harry’s head shot up to meet cold, hard eyes.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, Potter, but I won’t tolerate it. If you only wanted to interrogate me, you’re wasting time.”
“Interrogate?” raged Harry. “You volunteered information. I simply asked if you wanted to come with me. And you agreed!”
“Only to save you neck,” sneered Draco. “I could have let them have you.”
“Then why didn’t you? You’re a cow-”
“I told you not to call me a coward!”
Letting the dishes clang on the table, Harry shoved Draco with a hand. He was so angry that he made the empty bottles of butterbeer explode. Glass shards splashed everywhere. Harry and Draco raised their arms for cover but to no avail. They continued to glower at each other nonetheless.
“I’ll leave your bloody house if that’s what you want!” spat Draco.
“Then leave!” Harry yelled back. “Do whatever you want! Get yourself killed! I don’t care. But when they find me, I’ll be ready. It’ll be a victory, whether he falls or I do.”
Furiously wiping blood from his arms and neck, Harry Disapparated. Draco stared at the empty space before him. Looking around, he grumpily cleaned up the mess, using his wand. He quickly tended his wounds from the glass. Gazing into the hearth, he could hear Harry’s last words to him. Voldemort had to die, he knew. But if the all the other Horcruxes were destroyed like Harry mentioned, couldn’t anyone kill him? Unless…
“Is he going to kill him by himself?”
next part: I Need You
Author: sugareey (aka ME)
Rating: pg-13
Pairing: H/D
Word Count: 1,807 =P
Summary: it takes a lot to realize the truth when it's in front of you.
Disclaimer: not mine. however, it is my duty to manipulate the characters.
Warning: post hbp. this is from the determination series.
A/N: nothing really this time. i'm just bored and i'm trying to move this along. this is continued from I Envy You. find out for yourself. it would be best to read previous parts. cheers!
It was matter of time before he turned the page. He hadn’t looked at it since 3rd year, since he heard about Sirius Black. Obviously, it was different now. With more photographs added to the album, it made the burden heavier. How could he forget about the times he had with his friends? What about his six years at Hogwarts? Could he leave it all behind? He knew everyone was depending on him to succeed. What would happen if he didn’t? Would he fail his parents?
Harry flipped through the pages one by one, memorizing the faces in each photo. There was a chance he would never see them again. At least those who weren’t dead yet. He hated the fact that people were dead because of him. He knew it wasn’t his fault, but that didn’t stop him from feeling guilty. Death was like a contagious disease. Soon enough, it would infect him. If Dumbledore died, then everyone would too. But if Harry could live to tell his tale, things might be different.
He could feel his eyes watering as he looked at Ron’s and Hermione’s smiling faces gazing back at him. They were waving. He didn’t want to wave back, in case this wasn’t goodbye. What pained him the most was Ginny. He remembered Ron and Hermione took pictures of them under the tree near the lake last year. Most of the time Harry and Ginny liked to tickle or lean on each other. Sometimes they engaged in deep conversations about things he would never tell anyone else. Ginny was the only person who knew Voldemort’s capabilities. She would know, after being possessed by his diary. She also knew this was Harry’s war to win.
A Time Turner would be the perfect solution to fix everything. Or perhaps not since too much had already happened. The war needed to continue. Whether he denied it or not, Harry knew he was just a tool. He was the weapon that would save the Wizarding World. Once his purpose was completed, he would be no more. He tried not to think about that. Harry wished he cherished the times he spent with those who helped him. He might have taken them for granted, which was not what he intended. If they knew how important they were to him, maybe they would understand why he had to end it all.
Taking one last glance at himself and Ginny laughing and embracing, Harry shut the album and set it aside along with his glasses. Lying stomach down on the bed, he buried his face in his pillow. It seemed like he was crying more often. He relaxed his limbs, feeling the fabric against his face moisten. His body shook slightly as he silently wept. Mourning was a waste of time yet he couldn’t help it. He was too overwhelmed to notice Draco by the doorway. Draco was about to knock on the open door to announce his presence. He froze when he heard a stifled sob.
“Potter?”
No answer. Draco slowly crept to Harry’s bedside until he stood next to the nightstand.
Harry continued to cry, his arms hugging the pillow. Draco gazed at Harry’s vulnerable state before noticing the leather-bound photo album. Feeling the soft cover, he flipped to the first page. James and Lily Potter. It seemed like the photograph was taken ages ago. The couple was beaming and holding hands. Harry’s family. Draco could definitely see the resemblance between James and Harry. Like father, like son. With the same untidy hair, glasses and posture, they were the same. And Lily’s eyes, yes, those were the stunning eyes that Harry inherited.
Draco studied the photos of Harry as an infant. He was surprised to see the next page was filled with pictures of him at eleven years old. Where were the other ten years of his childhood? The more Draco turned the pages, the more people he saw accompanied with Harry. He noted how happy he looked. He could only recall the constant sneers and insults they exchanged whenever they passed each other back at Hogwarts. But now that Hogwarts was closed and they were both at Grimmauld Place, it all seemed pathetic.
It almost made him angry to see Harry and Ginny enjoying themselves under the tree. As he scanned through photos of the pair, Draco wondered how Ginny made Harry smile. Draco could never do that. He wondered why he wasn’t part of Harry’s life. It was until he replaced the album back on the nightstand that he realized he was. Draco had always been part of Harry’s life.
He paused to listen, only to hear soft breathing. Harry must have cried himself to sleep. Draco watched his still form before walking toward the doorway. A rush of emotion hit him in the stomach. Guilt? Remorse? He wasn’t sure. He only knew he had almost killed Harry. Draco definitely had the power to kill. He could always kill his father, Wormtail and possibly Voldemort. But he had been forced to attempt murder on people who ironically helped him. While Dumbledore had been rational on the Astronomy Tower, it was Harry who made things possible. Without him, there would be no war. There would be no choices, sacrifices or lessons learned. There would be nothing.
“I’m nothing,” the sloppy script reminded Draco from the night before. “I envy you.”
“I pity you,” he replied to the room before closing the door.
He immediately regretted his words. He hated pity. He was pretty sure Harry did too.
~~~~~
“Have a good slumber?”
Harry glared at Draco as he came down to the kitchen. He noticed Draco was sitting at the table with a plateful of eggs, bacon and toast. Another plate was set for him. Two bottles of butterbeer accompanied the meal.
“Finally made Kreacher do something useful, have you?” he answered as he sat down.
“No, but I’ll be happy to take the credit,” drawled Draco lightly. “Of course, it was all done by magic. I would never do house elf work.”
“Figures.”
Harry sniffed. He shook his hair out of his bloodshot eyes before eating. Draco stared at him, his fork suspended in midair.
“What?” asked Harry, noticing this after a few minutes.
“Nothing.”
“I just have allergies, alright? It’s no big deal.”
“Just thought I’d mention that you look like absolute shit, Potter.”
“Like I couldn’t tell!” retorted Harry sarcastically. “Wouldn’t you look like this if you never get sleep at night?”
Draco glanced down at his almost empty plate. He put down his utensils, dabbed his mouth with a napkin and rested his hands in his lap.
“Nightmares?” he whispered quietly.
“Yeah,” responded Harry slowly. “Do-so you have them too?”
“Different ones, mind you. But yeah, I don’t sleep either.”
“Do you ever see Voldemort in them? Or the Death Eaters?”
Draco bit his lip. It hurt just to recall the memories as a servant. Then again, he had never told anyone before.
“Sometimes, yes. I’ll see him giving me the Dark Mark or Mother being tortured as a hostage. I see Father dying in Azkaban. But I don’t think that’s the worse.”
Harry watched him attentively. Taking a swig of butterbeer, he waited for Draco to elaborate.
“I see the Dark Lord killing me. I see Snape killing Dumbledore. I see myself killing you.”
Harry choked, instantly remembering what had happened the day before. He could have been dead by now.
“But I stopped it,” continued Draco. “I never wanted to do it. None of this.”
“But you did.”
“Yes, I did. The Dark Lord was rather fond of Father before he went away. Thought I had his potential, so I became one of them. Crabbe and Goyle couldn’t do it nor could anyone else. The Dark Lord couldn’t afford another fuck up.”
“So you chose to become a Death Eater? You could have rejected his offer.”
“Yes, so that my family would get slaughtered? I don’t think so.”
Harry nodded, thinking how bizarre it was to have this conversation with Draco. It didn’t get him closer to finding the Horcruxes, but it was still information.
“You should have done it.”
“Reject him?” questioned Draco curiously.
“No. You should have killed me.”
Draco opened his mouth, gaping at Harry.
“Are you mad, Potter?”
“You would have succeeded. Your mum would be safe, Voldemort would get what he wanted and so would I. The prophecy would be fulfilled and the war would be over.”
“Prophecy? What prophecy?”
Harry was about to explain but he stopped himself.
“Snape never told you?”
“About that, no.”
“Let’s put it this way. You know what the golden lockets are, right? The ones that I showed you yesterday?”
“Horcruxes, aren’t they? At least one of them is. Found out about them in the Manor. Snape knows a great deal about them too. Six of them, yes?”
“Seven,” corrected Harry, “if you include Voldemort himself. After the other Horcruxes are destroyed, then he’s mortal again.”
“Exactly what are you telling me?”
Harry avoided Draco’s gaze, occupying himself by playing with his fork. He was uncertain about revealing such crucial information. What had made him trust Draco so soon? Biding time, he downed his butterbeer and began clearing the table.
“You don’t trust me.”
Harry’s head shot up to meet cold, hard eyes.
“I don’t know what you’re playing at, Potter, but I won’t tolerate it. If you only wanted to interrogate me, you’re wasting time.”
“Interrogate?” raged Harry. “You volunteered information. I simply asked if you wanted to come with me. And you agreed!”
“Only to save you neck,” sneered Draco. “I could have let them have you.”
“Then why didn’t you? You’re a cow-”
“I told you not to call me a coward!”
Letting the dishes clang on the table, Harry shoved Draco with a hand. He was so angry that he made the empty bottles of butterbeer explode. Glass shards splashed everywhere. Harry and Draco raised their arms for cover but to no avail. They continued to glower at each other nonetheless.
“I’ll leave your bloody house if that’s what you want!” spat Draco.
“Then leave!” Harry yelled back. “Do whatever you want! Get yourself killed! I don’t care. But when they find me, I’ll be ready. It’ll be a victory, whether he falls or I do.”
Furiously wiping blood from his arms and neck, Harry Disapparated. Draco stared at the empty space before him. Looking around, he grumpily cleaned up the mess, using his wand. He quickly tended his wounds from the glass. Gazing into the hearth, he could hear Harry’s last words to him. Voldemort had to die, he knew. But if the all the other Horcruxes were destroyed like Harry mentioned, couldn’t anyone kill him? Unless…
“Is he going to kill him by himself?”
next part: I Need You