An Open Letter to Jon M Chu, Jason Blum, and Scooter Braun
Hi guys.
Look. You could give a shit about me. I'm girl #56678 who grew up in the eighties. I'm girl number #3764 who watched Jem. I'm bitchy feminist with a whiny blog #407.
And I'm trying not to weep in utter frustration.
It's not that I have anything specifically against three men heading a Jem movie, and I want to believe you are competent fellows who will take this project, which is so far outside your scope and do it justice, who will own it in all it's glorious tacky 80'sness. I want to believe that you are taking a piece of my childhood and wanting to do it justice. I want to believe that your soliciting opinions from the world is a sign that you understand your lack of perspective on why this product was popular to girls. I want to believe all of that.
Only, I don't.
I see three frat boys whose movies are, frankly, dismissive if not insulting to my gender, and middling in a poor quality area which shows a lack of thought. I can feel you getting excited to shoot a Miley Cyrus like send up of the pop world where you get to have a bevy of hot girls running around in scanty costumes and gyrating on the sets at any given opportunity, appealing to you, but not to any of the girls who made this show a hit. You solicit the fan sphere, but I sincerely doubt you'll take a word of their advice. It's a gimmick. And for that reason, I'm disgusted.
And I know it's a stupid cartoon show from the 80s. Don't think I'm not fully aware of how hot under the collar I'm getting. But let's put this in perspective; if G.I. Joe had been put into the hands of Catherine Hardwicke, there would have been a great hew and cry from the masculine masses about her lack of qualifications. And I'm looking at IMDB here, and what I see makes me depressed. Maybe a horror guy and a dance filmer can pull something off. And maybe you'll make a pink Sucker Punch, and continue the trend of an industry which undermines, minimizes, objectifys and reduces my gender to laughably thin over made up caricatures. But with pink. Girls see enough pink they don't notice things, right? They won't mind if we replace the largely female cast with more men, will they?
But, hey. Instead of talking about my utter fears, I will offer constructive criticism.
1- You cannot do this modern. You just can't. And I will give you three reasons.
3- Hire a woman to write your script, and someone with an intimate knowledge of the show. Just. Do. It. It does not need to cycle around the hands of five different men who think they know what women like and never watched the show. (Remember Super Mario Brothers? Yeah. Knowledge of the source material is important. Don't just blow it off.) We want Ugly Betty, not Endless Paranormal activity nonsense.
4- Try to avoid casting people from Glee. I know you'll be tempted, but don't.
5-Keep your pointless entertainment cameos to a minimum. That is not what most of us are here for. SO if you must have Taylor Swift stroll across the screen, fine, but we are here for glamor and glitter, fashion and fame. Not admiring what celebrities you can dupe into being in this.
So. That's it for now, guys. If I could impart one thing onto you, it would be to try. To honestly try not to trash my childhood for a buck while exploiting the women in it. We didn't have that many shows in the 80's that were thoroughly about women. I'm sad to see one of them get into the clutches of a bunch of men who seem to think action scenes are substitutions for plot.
Even soapy nonsense plot.
*Sigh*
Love,
SugaredWhimsey
Look. You could give a shit about me. I'm girl #56678 who grew up in the eighties. I'm girl number #3764 who watched Jem. I'm bitchy feminist with a whiny blog #407.
And I'm trying not to weep in utter frustration.
It's not that I have anything specifically against three men heading a Jem movie, and I want to believe you are competent fellows who will take this project, which is so far outside your scope and do it justice, who will own it in all it's glorious tacky 80'sness. I want to believe that you are taking a piece of my childhood and wanting to do it justice. I want to believe that your soliciting opinions from the world is a sign that you understand your lack of perspective on why this product was popular to girls. I want to believe all of that.
Only, I don't.
I see three frat boys whose movies are, frankly, dismissive if not insulting to my gender, and middling in a poor quality area which shows a lack of thought. I can feel you getting excited to shoot a Miley Cyrus like send up of the pop world where you get to have a bevy of hot girls running around in scanty costumes and gyrating on the sets at any given opportunity, appealing to you, but not to any of the girls who made this show a hit. You solicit the fan sphere, but I sincerely doubt you'll take a word of their advice. It's a gimmick. And for that reason, I'm disgusted.
And I know it's a stupid cartoon show from the 80s. Don't think I'm not fully aware of how hot under the collar I'm getting. But let's put this in perspective; if G.I. Joe had been put into the hands of Catherine Hardwicke, there would have been a great hew and cry from the masculine masses about her lack of qualifications. And I'm looking at IMDB here, and what I see makes me depressed. Maybe a horror guy and a dance filmer can pull something off. And maybe you'll make a pink Sucker Punch, and continue the trend of an industry which undermines, minimizes, objectifys and reduces my gender to laughably thin over made up caricatures. But with pink. Girls see enough pink they don't notice things, right? They won't mind if we replace the largely female cast with more men, will they?
But, hey. Instead of talking about my utter fears, I will offer constructive criticism.
1- You cannot do this modern. You just can't. And I will give you three reasons.
- The music industry has changed massively in the last thirty years. Granted, the show had a tenuous grasp of reality and legality, still, many of the set-ups don't exist as they used to. I suppose there are modern equivalents, but it isn't the business it used to be.
- The fashion. Jem was one of the few shows where the girls changed clothes instead of using the stock figure. AND WE LOVED IT. We loved the absurd fun 80's clothing, the stylized wardrobes, the over-the-top gowns and it was all about the fun of dress up, and not about the response to the clothes.
- No one wants to see things modernized. Especially something which had an aim to capture a specific time period to such excess. It was about the rich and famous in the 80's. It's a period piece, and it's not a timeless story which is going to move around with ease. Just...let it be in the 80's, go nuts with the art production, give this film a look like no other because THAT'S why some us still love Jem as adults; because of how committed it was and you smile and go 'oh, the 80's...' Don't modernize. You're robbing yourself of potential charm, and more than anything else? You don't need to modernize, unless you're trying to save money. In which case, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU MAKING A MOVIE ABOUT A CARTOON SERIES FULL OF SPECTACLE AND EXTREME FASHION?!?! Modern is not better. See: The Smurfs and Alvin and the Chipmunks.
3- Hire a woman to write your script, and someone with an intimate knowledge of the show. Just. Do. It. It does not need to cycle around the hands of five different men who think they know what women like and never watched the show. (Remember Super Mario Brothers? Yeah. Knowledge of the source material is important. Don't just blow it off.) We want Ugly Betty, not Endless Paranormal activity nonsense.
4- Try to avoid casting people from Glee. I know you'll be tempted, but don't.
5-Keep your pointless entertainment cameos to a minimum. That is not what most of us are here for. SO if you must have Taylor Swift stroll across the screen, fine, but we are here for glamor and glitter, fashion and fame. Not admiring what celebrities you can dupe into being in this.
So. That's it for now, guys. If I could impart one thing onto you, it would be to try. To honestly try not to trash my childhood for a buck while exploiting the women in it. We didn't have that many shows in the 80's that were thoroughly about women. I'm sad to see one of them get into the clutches of a bunch of men who seem to think action scenes are substitutions for plot.
Even soapy nonsense plot.
*Sigh*
Love,
SugaredWhimsey