Broken
Why is it that the things we think we want the most are actually the things that can hurt us the most?? You invest yourself fully in something, take those chances, and put yourself out there on the line for someone, but being hurt like that is the worst pain in the world. Having your heart ripped out and torn to pieces is a pain that I never want to feel again. Being completely, 100% devoted to someone takes a lot. I don’t think right now after all I have been going through, that I am ready to be committed to someone to that depth again. I wish I didn’t have these trust issues but then again, being lied to and having your heart broken can do that to a girl. I am trying to be happy. No one can make me happy though. It’s something I have to do on my own. I’m confusing myself again. I don’t know if anyone understands it. The things that happened and that I have been going through all alone are only going to make me stronger. I’m not that weak of a person anymore, at least that’s how I feel sometimes. Other times I can barely make it through the day and I feel so vulnerable. I wish that you never did these things to me. I hate it so much and I think about it everyday. I wish it would just go away, so I could go back to my dream world. I was loved, and loved you completely. We were going to start a family, make a life for ourselves. Get a house with a dog and have little kids running around. The American dream, and we were going to have that. It’s sad that after being engaged for a year and a half, that it has come to this. I am left all alone, with crushed hopes and dreams, and I don’t know if I will ever get them back.