my life sucks
my life sucks. It truly does. I just want to escape things right now. I wanna go some where were I can just sleep all day, get high while I'm awake, fish for a while, eat cheesecake and then pass right the fuck out to wake up doing it all over again.
I miss my uncle. =(
It's been seven years and you would think it would be easier but it's not. It's just as bad as it was seven years ago. And I can't talk to anyone. I feel so weak when I do and my family just looks at me strangely and tells me to get over it so this year I've kept it all in and when no one is around I cry, I cry really bad. But now I'm pushing everyone away from me. I wrote to Pete and told him I was going MIA so he wouldn't get worried. I posted a bulletin and a blog on myspace saying I was going away for a while. The truth be told is that I'm staying right here expect I'm just really more of a vegetable that wants to be left alone to sulk and to mourn. I didn't even get a chance yet to mourn over my Aunt Roselyn's passing which is more then likely playing more into this and my cycles are all messed up because I have put on too much weight that even my right hip kills me along with my tmj ALWAYS acting up for the past few weeks.
I don't know what to do. I usually get sad around this time, I'm use to it. But then I think I'm going back to school and things will be different and I'll go to class, get better grades and be with people who I cherish so much but not this time. There is no more going back to school (at least in the terms of Geneseo) there is just here and I've lost one of my closest friends to my brother, surprise surprise, though she hasn't really been my friend for a quite sometime now at least not in my definition of one. And I have Pete but he's a pain in my ass a lot, teasing me like his little sister because he's still a child and doesn't know any better. I have my friend Lyndsie on occasion, a few AD's that are too busy and are MIA at the moment in their lives for me to see and then my true best friend in the world is going back to the one place I would love to be at right now soon.
Things are like college, summer, etc are temporary, remember that. But this feeling I have inside is permanent. Nothing is going to change it no matter how much time passes, no matter how much I smoke or valium I take for my TMJ. Life just sucks and sometimes, on days like this I wish I wasn't living any more.