BSG fic - Picking up the Pieces 10 / 12
Chapter Ten
Lee stared at the dradis screen in blank disbelief, receiver gripped in his hand.
He must be hallucinating. He could have sworn Kara had just said-
Ridiculous. Of course she hadn’t.
Maybe he was dreaming. One of those dreams where embarrassing things happened in public places. He involuntarily looked down at himself to make sure he wasn’t naked.
No, his uniform was present and correct. He looked round CIC, slightly dazed, and noticed that everyone else was acting rather oddly. One or two staff were gaping at him with their mouths wide open, and everyone else was staring intently at their consoles.
Had it really happened?
Of course not. He’d misheard.
Lee cleared his throat. “Starbuck, could you repeat that?”
He waited, expecting to hear something about an equipment malfunction or a joke about CAP being boring. Instead he heard something that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle, and then:
“I said I love you, Lee.”
Lee’s brain whirled, and he found himself gripping the console table tightly.
That time definitely hadn’t been a hallucination. Everyone in CIC was staring at him now, waiting for his reaction.
What was going on? Why had she said that? Why now? Did she mean it? What-
He took a firm grip on his self-control.
“Starbuck, return to Pegasus. Immediately.” He was amazed at how normal his voice sounded. “I’ll meet you on the hangar deck.”
----
He paced impatiently around the hangar deck as he waited for her to land, trying to ignore the inquisitive stares of the deck crew. Obviously they’d been listening to the comms too.
He still couldn’t work out what was going on, what new game she was playing now.
Because it must be a game. She couldn’t mean what she’d said. Just months ago, she’d told him exactly the opposite, that he meant nothing to her, and married someone else to prove it. So why was she saying now…what she had said. He didn’t dare replay the words in his mind. Just the thought of them made his head spin.
After what seemed like eons, she finally landed. He hurtled across the hangar bay and reached her ladder almost before her feet touched the floor.
He grabbed her arm. “You’re coming with me. Now.”
“All right,” she said quietly, taking him by surprise. The sight of her face knocked him off balance; he’d expected her to be full of bravado, amused at his embarrassment, but instead she looked wary and nervous.
He pushed away the treacherous strand of sympathy, clinging to his anger. He wasn’t going to let her get to him. He tightened his grip on her arm and marched her out of the hangar bay, ignoring the fascinated deck crew.
Out in the corridor, he jerked open the first hatch, which proved to be an equipment closet. Well, that would do well enough.
“In here.” He pulled her inside and slammed the hatch shut behind them.
For a moment they stared at each other in silence. She was definitely looking nervous now, biting her lip. It made him want to comfort her and kiss her all at once, and the impulse made him even more furious.
So he yelled at her instead. “What the hell did that mean?”
Kara shifted uncomfortably. “I thought it was clear enough.”
“Did you?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yes. It’s not that difficult, Lee. Words of one syllable.”
“Well, maybe I’m just slow,” he said sarcastically. “Why don’t you explain it to me.”
Kara’s mouth set mutinously. “I don’t think it needs explaining.”
“Like hell it doesn’t,” Lee snapped, moving towards her. “Not so long ago you told me right out that you didn’t love me. Do you think I’ve forgotten that?” He couldn’t stop his voice shaking slightly.
“I know. I haven’t forgotten either.” Kara’s voice was shaking now too. “But things have changed-”
“Yes, they’ve changed.” Lee smiled bitterly. “You’ve lost Anders so now I’ll do instead.”
“Lee, it’s not like that at all!” She stepped towards him, and the emotion burning in her face left him speechless. “I lied when I said that before. I’ve always loved you.”
For a moment Lee thought he must be hallucinating again. Those words - and the look on her face when she said them - he couldn’t believe they were real.
“How can that be true?” he forced out, trying to keep his voice level. He had to think, keep his head clear, stay wary. She’d burnt him too many times before.
He expected her to deny it, back away as she always did, but she didn’t. She was very pale, and he could see her hands shaking, but she kept her eyes steadily on his.
“It is true. It’s always been true. What’s changed is that I’m not afraid to admit it.”
Hope flared inside him, but Lee forced it back down, still afraid to believe.
“Then why - why did you marry him?”
Kara closed her eyes briefly. “I - it’s not easy to explain-”
“Try.”
She opened her mouth, but whatever she was about to say was interrupted by Hoshi’s voice over the comm system.
“Commander Adama to CIC immediately. Commander Adama to CIC-”
Lee seized on the escape with relief. He couldn’t deal with this now. It was too sudden, too overwhelming…he needed some time to regroup, recover his balance.
“I have to go.”
“Ignore it,” said Kara tightly. “They can wait-”
Hoshi’s voice interrupted her again. “Commander Adama to CIC immediately-”
“I have to go,” he said again, and turned for the hatch.
“Lee!” He’d never heard Kara sound so desperate. “Stop running away!”
He paused, leaning his head wearily against the metal hatch. “What do you want from me, Kara?”
“I want you.” She sounded as if she was choking. “I want another chance.”
“I’m not sure I can give you one,” he said raggedly. “Not after the last time…it almost broke me. I can’t go through all that again, Kara, I just can’t.”
“You won’t have to.”
“You can’t promise that.” He opened the hatch.
“Lee.” She followed him into the corridor, turning to face him as she closed the hatch. “Listen to me.”
“Don’t push me, Kara.”
“I’m not going to push you.” Her eyes were bright with tears, but her voice was calm again. “I just want to make you an offer.”
“What?” he said warily. Hoshi called him again over the comms, but he didn’t move.
“I’ve got a two day leave pass owing,” Kara said, eyes fixed on his. “I’m going to take it now, go to the Rising Star. I’ll leave my cabin number with Showboat.” She took a deep breath. “All I want is a chance, Lee. A chance for us. If you want that chance too, come and find me.”
With that she turned and walked away, leaving him staring after her.
Lee stared at the dradis screen in blank disbelief, receiver gripped in his hand.
He must be hallucinating. He could have sworn Kara had just said-
Ridiculous. Of course she hadn’t.
Maybe he was dreaming. One of those dreams where embarrassing things happened in public places. He involuntarily looked down at himself to make sure he wasn’t naked.
No, his uniform was present and correct. He looked round CIC, slightly dazed, and noticed that everyone else was acting rather oddly. One or two staff were gaping at him with their mouths wide open, and everyone else was staring intently at their consoles.
Had it really happened?
Of course not. He’d misheard.
Lee cleared his throat. “Starbuck, could you repeat that?”
He waited, expecting to hear something about an equipment malfunction or a joke about CAP being boring. Instead he heard something that sounded suspiciously like a chuckle, and then:
“I said I love you, Lee.”
Lee’s brain whirled, and he found himself gripping the console table tightly.
That time definitely hadn’t been a hallucination. Everyone in CIC was staring at him now, waiting for his reaction.
What was going on? Why had she said that? Why now? Did she mean it? What-
He took a firm grip on his self-control.
“Starbuck, return to Pegasus. Immediately.” He was amazed at how normal his voice sounded. “I’ll meet you on the hangar deck.”
----
He paced impatiently around the hangar deck as he waited for her to land, trying to ignore the inquisitive stares of the deck crew. Obviously they’d been listening to the comms too.
He still couldn’t work out what was going on, what new game she was playing now.
Because it must be a game. She couldn’t mean what she’d said. Just months ago, she’d told him exactly the opposite, that he meant nothing to her, and married someone else to prove it. So why was she saying now…what she had said. He didn’t dare replay the words in his mind. Just the thought of them made his head spin.
After what seemed like eons, she finally landed. He hurtled across the hangar bay and reached her ladder almost before her feet touched the floor.
He grabbed her arm. “You’re coming with me. Now.”
“All right,” she said quietly, taking him by surprise. The sight of her face knocked him off balance; he’d expected her to be full of bravado, amused at his embarrassment, but instead she looked wary and nervous.
He pushed away the treacherous strand of sympathy, clinging to his anger. He wasn’t going to let her get to him. He tightened his grip on her arm and marched her out of the hangar bay, ignoring the fascinated deck crew.
Out in the corridor, he jerked open the first hatch, which proved to be an equipment closet. Well, that would do well enough.
“In here.” He pulled her inside and slammed the hatch shut behind them.
For a moment they stared at each other in silence. She was definitely looking nervous now, biting her lip. It made him want to comfort her and kiss her all at once, and the impulse made him even more furious.
So he yelled at her instead. “What the hell did that mean?”
Kara shifted uncomfortably. “I thought it was clear enough.”
“Did you?”
Her eyes narrowed. “Yes. It’s not that difficult, Lee. Words of one syllable.”
“Well, maybe I’m just slow,” he said sarcastically. “Why don’t you explain it to me.”
Kara’s mouth set mutinously. “I don’t think it needs explaining.”
“Like hell it doesn’t,” Lee snapped, moving towards her. “Not so long ago you told me right out that you didn’t love me. Do you think I’ve forgotten that?” He couldn’t stop his voice shaking slightly.
“I know. I haven’t forgotten either.” Kara’s voice was shaking now too. “But things have changed-”
“Yes, they’ve changed.” Lee smiled bitterly. “You’ve lost Anders so now I’ll do instead.”
“Lee, it’s not like that at all!” She stepped towards him, and the emotion burning in her face left him speechless. “I lied when I said that before. I’ve always loved you.”
For a moment Lee thought he must be hallucinating again. Those words - and the look on her face when she said them - he couldn’t believe they were real.
“How can that be true?” he forced out, trying to keep his voice level. He had to think, keep his head clear, stay wary. She’d burnt him too many times before.
He expected her to deny it, back away as she always did, but she didn’t. She was very pale, and he could see her hands shaking, but she kept her eyes steadily on his.
“It is true. It’s always been true. What’s changed is that I’m not afraid to admit it.”
Hope flared inside him, but Lee forced it back down, still afraid to believe.
“Then why - why did you marry him?”
Kara closed her eyes briefly. “I - it’s not easy to explain-”
“Try.”
She opened her mouth, but whatever she was about to say was interrupted by Hoshi’s voice over the comm system.
“Commander Adama to CIC immediately. Commander Adama to CIC-”
Lee seized on the escape with relief. He couldn’t deal with this now. It was too sudden, too overwhelming…he needed some time to regroup, recover his balance.
“I have to go.”
“Ignore it,” said Kara tightly. “They can wait-”
Hoshi’s voice interrupted her again. “Commander Adama to CIC immediately-”
“I have to go,” he said again, and turned for the hatch.
“Lee!” He’d never heard Kara sound so desperate. “Stop running away!”
He paused, leaning his head wearily against the metal hatch. “What do you want from me, Kara?”
“I want you.” She sounded as if she was choking. “I want another chance.”
“I’m not sure I can give you one,” he said raggedly. “Not after the last time…it almost broke me. I can’t go through all that again, Kara, I just can’t.”
“You won’t have to.”
“You can’t promise that.” He opened the hatch.
“Lee.” She followed him into the corridor, turning to face him as she closed the hatch. “Listen to me.”
“Don’t push me, Kara.”
“I’m not going to push you.” Her eyes were bright with tears, but her voice was calm again. “I just want to make you an offer.”
“What?” he said warily. Hoshi called him again over the comms, but he didn’t move.
“I’ve got a two day leave pass owing,” Kara said, eyes fixed on his. “I’m going to take it now, go to the Rising Star. I’ll leave my cabin number with Showboat.” She took a deep breath. “All I want is a chance, Lee. A chance for us. If you want that chance too, come and find me.”
With that she turned and walked away, leaving him staring after her.