This Sue is dah shit
Just when you thought the Caribbean was safe, shy_dramaqueen is back with partner-in-crime elila. Three Sues are ready for their slapping, so let's get this shit over with!
(Warning for immature potty-jokes. The Suethor started it. We were drunk, but what's her excuse?)
TITLE: the blackness of all and the absence of the shi(f)t-key, aka Shit Happens
CULPRIT: smac
SUMMARY: three gurls.. all daughters of the govener.....then all go wild when pirates show up in her town
BEST LINE: "Sarah and Jill looked out into the bay the shit was only about 50 feet away from the dock." Also: "When the girls set foot on the shit all went quiet."
THE VERDICT
Walk the plank.
She gets off easy for being hilarious. We suggest a bit of rum before reading, as it seems to have amazing effects on the fic's entertainment value.
NAME: Jill, Nicole and Sarah (last name may or may not be Shore), as well as their cat, Booger
EYES: Are used to ogle "tanned skin guys" loading the "intercept". No descriptions.
HAIR:Nicole: "Her brown hair up in a curled bun"
Jill: "Her golden hair framed her hair in little ringlets".
Sarah: "Her rich brown hair was up in a curly messy bun with a few strands framing her face."
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: None yet. I shit you not.
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A luxurious bed each on Jack's ship. Because they just have beds standing ready for random whores Sues.Nicole: "her green dress shimmering in the sunlight".
Jill: "her dress was a shade of gold".
Sarah: Is naked? And hot.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Daughters of some unknown "govener" and a dead woman.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: One word: Parley. Ripoff much?
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: To invoke the right of parley and make it mean that they can demand anything they want from the pirates when they do.
THE "PLOT": So... yeah... plot? We don't need no steenkin' plot, we dah shit! *coughs* Sorry. Some girls are bored and want to become pirates. Then pirates attack, the girls invoke the right of parlay and are taken aboard Captain Jack Sparrow's ship. In exchange for keeping the girls on board for a while, the pirates agree to stop this robbing-the-town-nonsense.
NOTES: That's it. We hope it's never updated. Ever. As soon as she got help with the spelling and grammar, all her fics took a turn for the worse..
EXCERPT:
"Oy!" Jill said. "Its bloody hot out here!". It was about midday and the sun was beating down on them. Jill, Nicole and Sarah were at the docks gazing at the sea. "This corset is killing me too." Nicole wined. Her brown hair up in a curled bun and her green dress shimmering in the sunlight. "you got that right". I said breathlessly. " I don't think I can last much longer." We were all gazing out at the ocean when Jill suddenly said "god i'm hot!" we all laughed. Her golden hair framed her hair in little ringlets and her dress was a shade of gold. Sarah looked at my reflection as well. Her rich brown hair was up in a curly messy bun with a few strands framing her face. She looked up at the sky and watched the clouds. The sky was a brilliant blue with little white fluffy clouds floating is odd spots all over the sky. Ships sailed past and the navy was loading boats on the docks. "some of thoughs solduiers are hot!"
Sarah and Jill looked out into the bay the shit was only about 50 feet away from the dock. The girls ran as fast as the could back to the house. They looked back only when they got to the top of the hill. There were pirates running from the ship up to the town. The girls ran inside and ran up to there room. They herd screaming, gunshots and bombs exploding. The sun was set and the sky was getting dark. They herd scraping and banging on metal they look out there window to see at least 10 pirates fighting to get in. once they had the gate open they rushed up to the house. The doors flew open at once and they all ran in. the girls hid in there closet just as 4 pirates ran into the room. They saw them tear through there things and stealing there jewellery. One of the pirates was advancing on booger asleep in his little basket. When Nicole saw this she wasn't going to hide anymore. "I think not." She said. She barged out of her hiding space and jumped on the back of the pirate. Her turned around and looked her square in the face. He looked kind of scary but handsome in a scary way. He looked over to the closet and yelled. "boys we got some little ones in here." The other three took one look and grinned. Two of them advanced on Jill and Sarah. They were about to grab them when Sarah shouted "parley". Jill looked at her confused. The pirate who was about to grab her look at her and groaned. "fine missy" they grabbed the girls and the last one grabbed booger and his basked on the order of Nicole. They walked down to the small boats and rowed back to the ship. When the girls set foot on the shit all went quiet. The priest looked at Sarah then to Nicole then to Jill. there captain was a tall man with a goatee and a moustache. He took one look at the girls then to the four pirates and asked to speak to them privately. After a few moments discussion he turned back to the girls. "so I hears one of u called the right to parley? Which of you was it?" Sarah looked back at him and said "it was me. I invoked the right of parley and I request you leave this island immediately." The captain laughed. "you want us to leave and never return eh?" he looked thoughtful for a moment. "ok we have a deal. As long as you sat with us." The three gasped and stood shocked. Sarah looked a little more exited then the other two. "I will have to discus this manner with my sisters." They huddled together. "so whats the plan" Jill said. "I thought you always came up with the plans" Sarah said sarcastically. "no seriously ok well we can go with them and our town will leave or we can get killed and they will masicure the town." Jill looked at her shocked. "thank god you read s much. Ok I guess we only have one choice." The girls looked at each other and agreed. Turning back to the captain Sarah stuck out her hand "we accept your offer". The captain took her had and shook it. "then we have a deal. Now I will show you to your sleeping quarters." He led them down the stairs to a room with three luxury beds. "this is where you will be sleeping." He said gesturing them to walk in the room. " my name is captain jack sparrow and this is my ship. I will introduce the rest of the crew tomorrow you three look exhausted."
(Warning for immature potty-jokes. The Suethor started it. We were drunk, but what's her excuse?)
TITLE: the blackness of all and the absence of the shi(f)t-key, aka Shit Happens
CULPRIT: smac
SUMMARY: three gurls.. all daughters of the govener.....then all go wild when pirates show up in her town
BEST LINE: "Sarah and Jill looked out into the bay the shit was only about 50 feet away from the dock." Also: "When the girls set foot on the shit all went quiet."
THE VERDICT
Walk the plank.
She gets off easy for being hilarious. We suggest a bit of rum before reading, as it seems to have amazing effects on the fic's entertainment value.
NAME: Jill, Nicole and Sarah (last name may or may not be Shore), as well as their cat, Booger
EYES: Are used to ogle "tanned skin guys" loading the "intercept". No descriptions.
HAIR:Nicole: "Her brown hair up in a curled bun"
Jill: "Her golden hair framed her hair in little ringlets".
Sarah: "Her rich brown hair was up in a curly messy bun with a few strands framing her face."
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: None yet. I shit you not.
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: A luxurious bed each on Jack's ship. Because they just have beds standing ready for random whores Sues.Nicole: "her green dress shimmering in the sunlight".
Jill: "her dress was a shade of gold".
Sarah: Is naked? And hot.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: Daughters of some unknown "govener" and a dead woman.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: One word: Parley. Ripoff much?
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: To invoke the right of parley and make it mean that they can demand anything they want from the pirates when they do.
THE "PLOT": So... yeah... plot? We don't need no steenkin' plot, we dah shit! *coughs* Sorry. Some girls are bored and want to become pirates. Then pirates attack, the girls invoke the right of parlay and are taken aboard Captain Jack Sparrow's ship. In exchange for keeping the girls on board for a while, the pirates agree to stop this robbing-the-town-nonsense.
NOTES: That's it. We hope it's never updated. Ever. As soon as she got help with the spelling and grammar, all her fics took a turn for the worse..
EXCERPT:
"Oy!" Jill said. "Its bloody hot out here!". It was about midday and the sun was beating down on them. Jill, Nicole and Sarah were at the docks gazing at the sea. "This corset is killing me too." Nicole wined. Her brown hair up in a curled bun and her green dress shimmering in the sunlight. "you got that right". I said breathlessly. " I don't think I can last much longer." We were all gazing out at the ocean when Jill suddenly said "god i'm hot!" we all laughed. Her golden hair framed her hair in little ringlets and her dress was a shade of gold. Sarah looked at my reflection as well. Her rich brown hair was up in a curly messy bun with a few strands framing her face. She looked up at the sky and watched the clouds. The sky was a brilliant blue with little white fluffy clouds floating is odd spots all over the sky. Ships sailed past and the navy was loading boats on the docks. "some of thoughs solduiers are hot!"
Sarah and Jill looked out into the bay the shit was only about 50 feet away from the dock. The girls ran as fast as the could back to the house. They looked back only when they got to the top of the hill. There were pirates running from the ship up to the town. The girls ran inside and ran up to there room. They herd screaming, gunshots and bombs exploding. The sun was set and the sky was getting dark. They herd scraping and banging on metal they look out there window to see at least 10 pirates fighting to get in. once they had the gate open they rushed up to the house. The doors flew open at once and they all ran in. the girls hid in there closet just as 4 pirates ran into the room. They saw them tear through there things and stealing there jewellery. One of the pirates was advancing on booger asleep in his little basket. When Nicole saw this she wasn't going to hide anymore. "I think not." She said. She barged out of her hiding space and jumped on the back of the pirate. Her turned around and looked her square in the face. He looked kind of scary but handsome in a scary way. He looked over to the closet and yelled. "boys we got some little ones in here." The other three took one look and grinned. Two of them advanced on Jill and Sarah. They were about to grab them when Sarah shouted "parley". Jill looked at her confused. The pirate who was about to grab her look at her and groaned. "fine missy" they grabbed the girls and the last one grabbed booger and his basked on the order of Nicole. They walked down to the small boats and rowed back to the ship. When the girls set foot on the shit all went quiet. The priest looked at Sarah then to Nicole then to Jill. there captain was a tall man with a goatee and a moustache. He took one look at the girls then to the four pirates and asked to speak to them privately. After a few moments discussion he turned back to the girls. "so I hears one of u called the right to parley? Which of you was it?" Sarah looked back at him and said "it was me. I invoked the right of parley and I request you leave this island immediately." The captain laughed. "you want us to leave and never return eh?" he looked thoughtful for a moment. "ok we have a deal. As long as you sat with us." The three gasped and stood shocked. Sarah looked a little more exited then the other two. "I will have to discus this manner with my sisters." They huddled together. "so whats the plan" Jill said. "I thought you always came up with the plans" Sarah said sarcastically. "no seriously ok well we can go with them and our town will leave or we can get killed and they will masicure the town." Jill looked at her shocked. "thank god you read s much. Ok I guess we only have one choice." The girls looked at each other and agreed. Turning back to the captain Sarah stuck out her hand "we accept your offer". The captain took her had and shook it. "then we have a deal. Now I will show you to your sleeping quarters." He led them down the stairs to a room with three luxury beds. "this is where you will be sleeping." He said gesturing them to walk in the room. " my name is captain jack sparrow and this is my ship. I will introduce the rest of the crew tomorrow you three look exhausted."