Mira or Jess. You.
shy_dramaqueen with some incestuous Jack for you.
Yesterday's sue has gained some constructive criticism, and three new chapters, but though the author thanks the reviewers, claims that there's almost a plot coming up and explains that she writes pointless chapters on purpose, I'm not reading another three angsty pieces.
TITLE: Where do I belong? Oh, poor thing. Do anyone have any suggestions...?
CULPRIT: Clueless-Patty ... nah, too easy...
SUMMARY: "A 13 yr old girl named Mira or Jess is constantly beeing beaten by her parents. Her life sucks. But when she is taken back in time, will she finally find out where she belongs? Will she find true love? JackYou"
BEST LINE: "Watching his hips sway and his backside too." Fragmented sentences should be used with care. They can bite. Or at least make your story bite .
THE VERDICT
Keel-hauling. And we've got lots of barnacles.
NAME: Mira or Jess. That's your name.
EYES: "dark chocolate eyes"
HAIR: "you tie your brown hair and take a look in the mirror. Your hair reached your bum"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Her hair?
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: Dresses.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: The future. The one we like to refer to as the present.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Jack lusts for that sexy little thing. With emphasis on "little".
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: Making Jack the kind of pervert we all want to castrate. Yes, that kind. That's the reason why this gets five slaps. It would get five stabs in the crotch if that was available. Any fic that makes a canon character lust for a minor, deserves sporking, slapping, maiming and brutal, violent and drawn-out death.
THE "PLOT":
After being beaten to death and beyond by your parents (not really. Fifteen minutes of being beaten with a thick stick and then have a bottle smashed over your head just means you'll travel back in time, not die. Don't try this at home, kids.) the you-Sue wakes up on the beach in Port Royal. Will finds you and offers you to live with him and Elizabeth. Our wonderful modern feminist Elizabeth insists that you wear a corset, but you refuse. Then you hear voices in your head, and brush your pretty hair. Brief angst over how long it is.
After a few months of happiness, you now know everyone in Port Royal. You angst over having lost your parents, whom you loved even if they tried to kill you. The author notes that it is probably less love and more respect. You see a dark shadow sail into a cove. It is the Pearl. Even if this is a you-fic, the POV now changes to follow Jack, as he sneaks up on you. It is a bit weird with omniscient first- and second person fics... Since Jack is so trustworthy, you walk together untill you reach a ledge. Jack climbs down and makes you jump into his arms. He then carries you through the city, and you fall asleep in his arms for no reason at all. (It can be read like his smell knocked her out, if you squint...)
When you get to Will and Elizabeth's house, you refuse to let go of Jack, and he has to carry you to the bedroom. I think this would be a good time to repeat that you are thirteen years old! You still won't let go so the poor captain has to sit in the bed with you in his arms all night. When you wake up, he is asleep, and you decide to split before he gets "perverty again". Again? Again? No, no, I refuse to believe it, you bloody well slept all night and I don't want to hear any other claims. However, Jack is holding you so tight you can't get away. He mutters somehing about you being a good whore and I hope to any god or devil that might be lurking around ff.net that he is talking in his sleep.
You want to get dressed and Jack wants to watch. Yes, Jack wants to watch a thirteen-year-old strip for him. I would feel cleaner right now if I gutted myself. But you, being the good little whore girl that you are, refuse.
NOTES: Could someone pat me on the head and say that it is a troll?
EXCERPT:
Elizabeth would of course encourage the use of corsets.
“GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!” you shrieked
“Oh, come on be mature about this! It’s just a corset!” Liz replied
“I am not wearing that bloody thing!”
“You’ll look good I promise!”
“Don’t I look slim enough?!?!”
“Just put it on!”
“NO WAY! That thing id not touching me!”
Liz gave a huge frusterated sigh and threw a light blue dress at you,
“Fine, but you would look better with the corset.”
You give the corset a firey glare. Liz laughs and walks out so you can get changed. You quickly put on your dress and walked over to the balcony. You opened the doors and let the breeze wash over you. Walking outside you see a breath taking sight. You have a full view of Port Royale and plus the docks! It looked beautiful, not just the town, the sea!
“Wow….”You whispered to yourself.
You got lost in thought, the thought of actually getting to sail in a ship. Feeling the spray of the sea and the wind tugging at your hair. There was a sudden wind that blew past you.
“Come…Come to me….” You heard.
First you thought it came from your imagination but it was there, the sea was calling you. It beckoned you once again,
“Come……I am calling…come with me….”
“No…I….I…cannot”
I gave one finally tug and left you. Maybe one day you would answer that call. Maybe. Just maybe.
You ran inside and began to brush your hair. If you didn’t want to wear a corset, you could at least brush your hair. Finding a ribbon on the dresser, you tie your brown hair and take a look in the mirror. Your hair reached your bum, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LET IT GROW THAT LONG!?!? Oh well, it looked really nice. It matched your dress. Opening the doors, you lept out of the room and bounded down the marble stairs to meet Will and Liz for dinner.
OH HELLO! When I said “It matched your dress…” I meant the ribbon not the hair! Hehe! Anyways, review and tll me nay ideas to make the story better or just tell me it sucks….Hope you guys don’t though…BE NICE! Lol anyways! REVIEW!
Captain Sparrow: carrying Sues around since... wait, when the hell did he start doing that?
"How do I get down?"
He stretches out his arms and replies,
"Jump."
WHAT?!?" You shriek and looked at how high your were. If you jumped this pirate would probably not catch you. You really didn't trust him yet.
"JUMP!"
Promise you won't let me fall?"
"Promise."
"PROMISE, PROMISE, PROMISE?"
"Yes! YES! Jest jump, luv!" he yelled. A little annoyed.
You hesitate for a little while and look into his eyes. He shakes his arms, frusterated with your lack of trust for him.
You jump of the rock and turn in the air so he would catch you on your back.
"OOF!" You huff when you landed in something soft.
"SEE! I promised, luv!" he smirked, showing a few golden teeth. He carries you across the beach.
"When is he gonna put me down?! Not that I mind staying here but gees this guy has some nerves!" you think to yourself.
"Hey, Jack? You can put me down now." You tell him.
"Hmmmmm…..no I don' think I will."
You frown and reply,
"Ok, fine." -- not really in the mood to argue you let him get odd stares from the crowd of people in the city. You cuddle up against his chest and begin to doze. Watching the last rays of the sun sparkle the Carribean sky with pick and purple shades.
You take a deep breath and let the sleep take over your body. Inhaling the smell of rum and sea mixed together.
"Wow, what a nice mixture" You think before your lids close and you fall asleep
No. No. NO!
“ok…Snap out of it and get out of here before he goes perverty again (Not sure if that word exists but it does for me!) But you were in a totally death grip! You couldn’t breathe, well, you could but his grip was really tight. You took one of his arms that was around your waist, and carefully tucked it by his side. You grabbed the other one but while you were putting it to his side he wrapped another around your waist. He grunted and began talking about how last night was good and about his whore and stuff along those lines.
“Bloody Pirate,” You whispered.
“Luv, that hurt!” You heard him pout.
You whipped around and found him pouting.
“Sorry, Jack, but I was nearly dieing of suffication! Let me go now please?”
You jumped off his lap after breathing in deeply and hopped over to your dresser. Avoiding the clothes all over the place you began to look inside your messy drawer.
“Luv, you really need to clean this up.” Jack told you while hopping over a pile of clothes.
“I hate it when the maids come in and just mess my stuff around, so, I forbade them to ever come in here.”
“I can see tha’ ”
“Ok, maybe I’m not the cleanest person around but I like it when it’s all messy. It makes me feel more confortable you know?”
He just nodded and began to look at your odd clothes from the future while you looked for a confortable dress to wear. You picked out a nice white one with spagetti straps and was loose so your skin could breathe. You were admiring it when you saw at the corner of your eye that Jack was watching you with a grin plastered on his face. You twirled your fingers in the air in a rotating motion. His eyebrows shot upwards giving him a really sad lost puppy I-wanna-take- at- look- at- the- goods- look.
“NO! Turn around, Perv!”
He muttered something about women and their over protectiveness over their good and such but turned around anyways.
Yesterday's sue has gained some constructive criticism, and three new chapters, but though the author thanks the reviewers, claims that there's almost a plot coming up and explains that she writes pointless chapters on purpose, I'm not reading another three angsty pieces.
TITLE: Where do I belong? Oh, poor thing. Do anyone have any suggestions...?
CULPRIT: Clueless-Patty ... nah, too easy...
SUMMARY: "A 13 yr old girl named Mira or Jess is constantly beeing beaten by her parents. Her life sucks. But when she is taken back in time, will she finally find out where she belongs? Will she find true love? JackYou"
BEST LINE: "Watching his hips sway and his backside too." Fragmented sentences should be used with care. They can bite. Or at least make your story bite .
THE VERDICT
Keel-hauling. And we've got lots of barnacles.
NAME: Mira or Jess. That's your name.
EYES: "dark chocolate eyes"
HAIR: "you tie your brown hair and take a look in the mirror. Your hair reached your bum"
DISTINGUISHING FEATURES: Her hair?
OH SO SPESHUL POSSESSIONS: Dresses.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE ORIGIN: The future. The one we like to refer to as the present.
OBNOXIOUS AND/OR IMPLAUSIBLE CANON CONNECTIONS/AFFILIATIONS: Jack lusts for that sexy little thing. With emphasis on "little".
SOOPER SPESHUL ABILITIES: Making Jack the kind of pervert we all want to castrate. Yes, that kind. That's the reason why this gets five slaps. It would get five stabs in the crotch if that was available. Any fic that makes a canon character lust for a minor, deserves sporking, slapping, maiming and brutal, violent and drawn-out death.
THE "PLOT":
After being beaten to death and beyond by your parents (not really. Fifteen minutes of being beaten with a thick stick and then have a bottle smashed over your head just means you'll travel back in time, not die. Don't try this at home, kids.) the you-Sue wakes up on the beach in Port Royal. Will finds you and offers you to live with him and Elizabeth. Our wonderful modern feminist Elizabeth insists that you wear a corset, but you refuse. Then you hear voices in your head, and brush your pretty hair. Brief angst over how long it is.
After a few months of happiness, you now know everyone in Port Royal. You angst over having lost your parents, whom you loved even if they tried to kill you. The author notes that it is probably less love and more respect. You see a dark shadow sail into a cove. It is the Pearl. Even if this is a you-fic, the POV now changes to follow Jack, as he sneaks up on you. It is a bit weird with omniscient first- and second person fics... Since Jack is so trustworthy, you walk together untill you reach a ledge. Jack climbs down and makes you jump into his arms. He then carries you through the city, and you fall asleep in his arms for no reason at all. (It can be read like his smell knocked her out, if you squint...)
When you get to Will and Elizabeth's house, you refuse to let go of Jack, and he has to carry you to the bedroom. I think this would be a good time to repeat that you are thirteen years old! You still won't let go so the poor captain has to sit in the bed with you in his arms all night. When you wake up, he is asleep, and you decide to split before he gets "perverty again". Again? Again? No, no, I refuse to believe it, you bloody well slept all night and I don't want to hear any other claims. However, Jack is holding you so tight you can't get away. He mutters somehing about you being a good whore and I hope to any god or devil that might be lurking around ff.net that he is talking in his sleep.
You want to get dressed and Jack wants to watch. Yes, Jack wants to watch a thirteen-year-old strip for him. I would feel cleaner right now if I gutted myself. But you, being the good little whore girl that you are, refuse.
NOTES: Could someone pat me on the head and say that it is a troll?
EXCERPT:
Elizabeth would of course encourage the use of corsets.
“GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!!!!!!” you shrieked
“Oh, come on be mature about this! It’s just a corset!” Liz replied
“I am not wearing that bloody thing!”
“You’ll look good I promise!”
“Don’t I look slim enough?!?!”
“Just put it on!”
“NO WAY! That thing id not touching me!”
Liz gave a huge frusterated sigh and threw a light blue dress at you,
“Fine, but you would look better with the corset.”
You give the corset a firey glare. Liz laughs and walks out so you can get changed. You quickly put on your dress and walked over to the balcony. You opened the doors and let the breeze wash over you. Walking outside you see a breath taking sight. You have a full view of Port Royale and plus the docks! It looked beautiful, not just the town, the sea!
“Wow….”You whispered to yourself.
You got lost in thought, the thought of actually getting to sail in a ship. Feeling the spray of the sea and the wind tugging at your hair. There was a sudden wind that blew past you.
“Come…Come to me….” You heard.
First you thought it came from your imagination but it was there, the sea was calling you. It beckoned you once again,
“Come……I am calling…come with me….”
“No…I….I…cannot”
I gave one finally tug and left you. Maybe one day you would answer that call. Maybe. Just maybe.
You ran inside and began to brush your hair. If you didn’t want to wear a corset, you could at least brush your hair. Finding a ribbon on the dresser, you tie your brown hair and take a look in the mirror. Your hair reached your bum, WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LET IT GROW THAT LONG!?!? Oh well, it looked really nice. It matched your dress. Opening the doors, you lept out of the room and bounded down the marble stairs to meet Will and Liz for dinner.
OH HELLO! When I said “It matched your dress…” I meant the ribbon not the hair! Hehe! Anyways, review and tll me nay ideas to make the story better or just tell me it sucks….Hope you guys don’t though…BE NICE! Lol anyways! REVIEW!
Captain Sparrow: carrying Sues around since... wait, when the hell did he start doing that?
"How do I get down?"
He stretches out his arms and replies,
"Jump."
WHAT?!?" You shriek and looked at how high your were. If you jumped this pirate would probably not catch you. You really didn't trust him yet.
"JUMP!"
Promise you won't let me fall?"
"Promise."
"PROMISE, PROMISE, PROMISE?"
"Yes! YES! Jest jump, luv!" he yelled. A little annoyed.
You hesitate for a little while and look into his eyes. He shakes his arms, frusterated with your lack of trust for him.
You jump of the rock and turn in the air so he would catch you on your back.
"OOF!" You huff when you landed in something soft.
"SEE! I promised, luv!" he smirked, showing a few golden teeth. He carries you across the beach.
"When is he gonna put me down?! Not that I mind staying here but gees this guy has some nerves!" you think to yourself.
"Hey, Jack? You can put me down now." You tell him.
"Hmmmmm…..no I don' think I will."
You frown and reply,
"Ok, fine." -- not really in the mood to argue you let him get odd stares from the crowd of people in the city. You cuddle up against his chest and begin to doze. Watching the last rays of the sun sparkle the Carribean sky with pick and purple shades.
You take a deep breath and let the sleep take over your body. Inhaling the smell of rum and sea mixed together.
"Wow, what a nice mixture" You think before your lids close and you fall asleep
No. No. NO!
“ok…Snap out of it and get out of here before he goes perverty again (Not sure if that word exists but it does for me!) But you were in a totally death grip! You couldn’t breathe, well, you could but his grip was really tight. You took one of his arms that was around your waist, and carefully tucked it by his side. You grabbed the other one but while you were putting it to his side he wrapped another around your waist. He grunted and began talking about how last night was good and about his whore and stuff along those lines.
“Bloody Pirate,” You whispered.
“Luv, that hurt!” You heard him pout.
You whipped around and found him pouting.
“Sorry, Jack, but I was nearly dieing of suffication! Let me go now please?”
You jumped off his lap after breathing in deeply and hopped over to your dresser. Avoiding the clothes all over the place you began to look inside your messy drawer.
“Luv, you really need to clean this up.” Jack told you while hopping over a pile of clothes.
“I hate it when the maids come in and just mess my stuff around, so, I forbade them to ever come in here.”
“I can see tha’ ”
“Ok, maybe I’m not the cleanest person around but I like it when it’s all messy. It makes me feel more confortable you know?”
He just nodded and began to look at your odd clothes from the future while you looked for a confortable dress to wear. You picked out a nice white one with spagetti straps and was loose so your skin could breathe. You were admiring it when you saw at the corner of your eye that Jack was watching you with a grin plastered on his face. You twirled your fingers in the air in a rotating motion. His eyebrows shot upwards giving him a really sad lost puppy I-wanna-take- at- look- at- the- goods- look.
“NO! Turn around, Perv!”
He muttered something about women and their over protectiveness over their good and such but turned around anyways.