hope
as the yr begins, i'm gonna talk about hope the negative and positive..first of all no matter how mcuch i tell myself new yrs isn;t really anytthing big anymore now that i can stay up and be out past 12, and i can drink and hang out with my friends for an evening whenever i want. after 19yrs the novelty of new yrs has massively worn off...and what i've been waiting for a new yrs kiss from someone i really cared about was alos overrated..after not having someone to kiss for so many yrs..having someone this yr was what i've been looking fwd to for the past month..and it just wans't the coolest thing ever..now don't get me wrong was great to hang out with my friends, and i love dave to bits...but the whole night just didn;t feel the specialness i built it up to be without meaning 2. i feel all those forced get togethers often are...sweets 16's, valentines day, prom...u look foward to it for so long and then they are justa nother day in your life...and it's just like what was taht crap..not all its made up to be.
i have alot of faith that dave and i will go the distance..by that as naive as it may be..i mean the long term forever kind of distance.. but then i realize how many of my friends in the past yr and a half have been in relationships in college...and how many of them thought the same..and i look out how many parents i know..and how many met in college..not that many..and of the adults i know who are married in general...how manya re truly happy 20 yrs later..i don't know..all i know is him here sunday when my mom was still away, orderinmg a pizza and lyin in my mom's bed eatin it and watchinm a movie and then fallen asleep in an as i call it "adult bed" just felt more right than anything else i've experienced in my life...it was like right now there's nothin more that i want that taht in my future..and i know i'm 19 and shouldn't rush my life away..but i just can't help it...
since hs i've wante dto go abroad for a sem. bein in israel for 10 days even more made me yearn for that..but i'm so content in my life now..ii feel if i was in a nother place i'd feel like i was missing out on stuff with my school friends, they'd have all these private jokes i would be gone for. and i know shouldn't make my decision based on aguy...but i know i def. would not be happy for 5 months without him..i mean i already miss my friends at school and him so much now..when i'm only gone 5 weeks..how would i deal with taht long... i just love my life so much..why give any of it up?
and bein a soph is weird..last yr i was countin the secs. till i wnet back to school..was like school had no negtives cause it was college what i'd be dreamiin of forever...but now the pos. of him bein down the hall and my friends bein a 2 min. walk, are fightin the neg, of work and stress and the contast pressure of the rest of your life's impending doom..plus bein away from u guys...
i guess i have 2 much faith in people and the world...i had a $25 gift card for tower on my table..people came over frday and sat..then...envelope that came with card was still there...but no card..that someone would come into my house..make a mess with cups and food and stuff and then steal from me is disgusting..i know i'll never find out who it is..i jst hope it was some stranger someone brought rather than a close friend i love and trust on a daily basis.
i dunno..to bed with me now..happy new yr
i have alot of faith that dave and i will go the distance..by that as naive as it may be..i mean the long term forever kind of distance.. but then i realize how many of my friends in the past yr and a half have been in relationships in college...and how many of them thought the same..and i look out how many parents i know..and how many met in college..not that many..and of the adults i know who are married in general...how manya re truly happy 20 yrs later..i don't know..all i know is him here sunday when my mom was still away, orderinmg a pizza and lyin in my mom's bed eatin it and watchinm a movie and then fallen asleep in an as i call it "adult bed" just felt more right than anything else i've experienced in my life...it was like right now there's nothin more that i want that taht in my future..and i know i'm 19 and shouldn't rush my life away..but i just can't help it...
since hs i've wante dto go abroad for a sem. bein in israel for 10 days even more made me yearn for that..but i'm so content in my life now..ii feel if i was in a nother place i'd feel like i was missing out on stuff with my school friends, they'd have all these private jokes i would be gone for. and i know shouldn't make my decision based on aguy...but i know i def. would not be happy for 5 months without him..i mean i already miss my friends at school and him so much now..when i'm only gone 5 weeks..how would i deal with taht long... i just love my life so much..why give any of it up?
and bein a soph is weird..last yr i was countin the secs. till i wnet back to school..was like school had no negtives cause it was college what i'd be dreamiin of forever...but now the pos. of him bein down the hall and my friends bein a 2 min. walk, are fightin the neg, of work and stress and the contast pressure of the rest of your life's impending doom..plus bein away from u guys...
i guess i have 2 much faith in people and the world...i had a $25 gift card for tower on my table..people came over frday and sat..then...envelope that came with card was still there...but no card..that someone would come into my house..make a mess with cups and food and stuff and then steal from me is disgusting..i know i'll never find out who it is..i jst hope it was some stranger someone brought rather than a close friend i love and trust on a daily basis.
i dunno..to bed with me now..happy new yr