(no subject)
i don't understand why its so hard for me to not eat crap food... i wish i was serious about weight watchers like i once was. i need serious accountability with it. and why is it so hard for me to go walking?! its not hard. but no i'd rather just sit around when i have a free second cause i am so flipping tired.
for once in my life i would like to be "in shape." and i would really love to stop eating crap food. i don't get why i would even want to eat food that does not make me feel good after i eat it.
ughhh. what sucks even more is that now that i am not preggo, things taste good again! like i actually like the taste of food again, instead of having constant/chronic heart burn, i just want to eat everything. oh and then now beer is back in my life again! so thats hard. its like i was in food prison and now i have been let out and just can't contain myself. its ridiculous.
i mean, at least i'm not ugly, just over weight. you can't change ugliness. and i can do something about my weight. it would feel good to be in shape. be one of "those" moms. anyways, its only going to get harder as i get older and i really want to make being healthy a priority now. whatev. it should NOT be that hard.
in other news...
ellie is smiling a lot now, mainly just for me. but this morning she smiled for jala too. that was super cute. i love her so much. although this mom thing is a lot harder than i had expected. maybe its just this stage because i am not used to being around an infant 24/7... and really, they don't do much. but for not doing much they sure are tiring. my parents are helping less and less, which i guess is kinda nice. its good because i feel like i can be mom and make decisions but bad because when she's going nuts i have to deal with it on my own. oh well. they're helpful nonetheless, and awesome.
its funny how important "mom" is to a baby. and to kids in general. i know she'll totally bond more with jala later, when she understands how the world works better... but right now i am her world. its crazy. its such a huge responsibility. and its also funny how i thought i would be ok with letting anyone babysit her, and i am totally not. a lot of people don't know how to handle such a young baby. i didn't know at first either, even though i thought i did.
tiffany's party tonight, i'm realllllyyy hoping she's a good girl for me. i hope its not a cranky day like yesterday. i wish it was not in LA. thats not going to be a fun car ride if she's not happy. yikes.
and now i need:
-to start laundry (so many pants with poop on them!)
-make my bed/tidy my room
-shower?? haha ya right.
-if no shower, at least make myself seem presentable... sort of?
-talk to Jesus.
for once in my life i would like to be "in shape." and i would really love to stop eating crap food. i don't get why i would even want to eat food that does not make me feel good after i eat it.
ughhh. what sucks even more is that now that i am not preggo, things taste good again! like i actually like the taste of food again, instead of having constant/chronic heart burn, i just want to eat everything. oh and then now beer is back in my life again! so thats hard. its like i was in food prison and now i have been let out and just can't contain myself. its ridiculous.
i mean, at least i'm not ugly, just over weight. you can't change ugliness. and i can do something about my weight. it would feel good to be in shape. be one of "those" moms. anyways, its only going to get harder as i get older and i really want to make being healthy a priority now. whatev. it should NOT be that hard.
in other news...
ellie is smiling a lot now, mainly just for me. but this morning she smiled for jala too. that was super cute. i love her so much. although this mom thing is a lot harder than i had expected. maybe its just this stage because i am not used to being around an infant 24/7... and really, they don't do much. but for not doing much they sure are tiring. my parents are helping less and less, which i guess is kinda nice. its good because i feel like i can be mom and make decisions but bad because when she's going nuts i have to deal with it on my own. oh well. they're helpful nonetheless, and awesome.
its funny how important "mom" is to a baby. and to kids in general. i know she'll totally bond more with jala later, when she understands how the world works better... but right now i am her world. its crazy. its such a huge responsibility. and its also funny how i thought i would be ok with letting anyone babysit her, and i am totally not. a lot of people don't know how to handle such a young baby. i didn't know at first either, even though i thought i did.
tiffany's party tonight, i'm realllllyyy hoping she's a good girl for me. i hope its not a cranky day like yesterday. i wish it was not in LA. thats not going to be a fun car ride if she's not happy. yikes.
and now i need:
-to start laundry (so many pants with poop on them!)
-make my bed/tidy my room
-shower?? haha ya right.
-if no shower, at least make myself seem presentable... sort of?
-talk to Jesus.