miserable at best

[subtleresidue]

I keep drinking water but I'm not getting any less dry
it's awful.

I think there's a desert in my throat.

I can't work up enough stamina to care.
sorry.

each breath is like a tornado of dry sand traveling down my throat.
stupid metaphor.

it's like I can keep printing off articles, but if I don't read them, they don't mean anything to me.
why does it take so much work to be informed?

my body is upset with me
even though I haven't been treating it horribly.
I'm sorry.
I know that you need sleep and I'm not giving it to you.

I keep drinking water but it's not doing anything at all.
sigh?

it would be nice if I could just put on my pj's
curl up under a blanket in my bed
and watch mediocre horror movies.

I don't want to be stressed out about you
I don't want to be confused about this.
I wish I could tell someone but I don't know who to talk to
how to talk about it
is this my biggest secret?
I'm so good at convincing others
because I've been convincing myself for years.

he asked me "what the most beautiful thing in nature you've ever seen?"
I'm not sure. so many things. too many. everything is beautiful. wonderful.

my body is a dried up river bed
with nearly dead dehydrating fish flopping around the bottom of it.

I want my mommy.