the type of boys i meet.
ive come to realise and probably be resigned to the fact that the boys who apparently have a thing for me [this is so weird to say really], well nothing's gonna happen. no miracle no magic no, nada, zilch, nothing.
ive a huge part to play in that me thinks. mumbles think i cant believe that anyone would like me for me. fact. impossible to comprehend how anyone would appreciate someone like erm. me. weird. then again even if anyone manages to, there's the whole she-bang about me not being able to look at people in the eye. i cant go out on dates/ one-on-ones. i make up stupid excuses or just plainly and stupidly refuse to get in the car just because im scared. i cant eat with people im not close to. i fret about every fucking thing very fucking second. awkward turtle has become my second name.
then again, the guys ive met, im lost as to what to do or how to react. ive come to realise that when boys do things that translates [to me] into 'hey im interested in you please like me' or when people start stirring shit, i freak out and go into avoidance mode. and it doesnt help that im super sensitive to the way people behave or the emotions they feel. reckon i have a pretty good radar for that. lol. but it's pretty obvious how a friend's manner changes when he starts to see you in a different light. it changes everything.
also, teddy bears are cute but im not the kinda girl people give teddies to. even if they do, there're certain kinda of plushies i like and a wide range of plushies that i dont care for really. and well, letters. they're my favourite kind of anything to receive from anyone. i treasure them and would keep them precious handwritten papers in boxes till im a gazillion years old. but they, too, makes me awkward.
the past few weeks ive come to the conclusion that the only way i can escape this #foreveralone labyrinth is when i get the opportunity to hang out with people pretty often and when things happen just, so naturally. apparently that's what happen to most people before they get together. just, well, not me. lol.
i dont really know what im trying to get out of this incoherent rant here about boys but hey ive been on tumblr and twitter way too much so here's an entry on my beloved eljay nonetheless. lol.