why you gotta fuck with the program?
A couple of months ago I decided that I was too good for Groupon and unsubscribed. Then I resubscribed, bought a couple more, and now I'm kind of happy with them. I still hate the other ones, though: with their marketing-by-committee names and shitty copy. Groupon tries too hard, but at least it has a pretty hilarious video when you unsubscribe. Anyway, I take it all back. They were awesome to me.
Hi Groupon,
I'd like to return a $50 Groupon that I bought on July 23rd for Speedy Collision. I bought it thinking I'd use it to fix up an ugly-ass dent in my car door that's been making me look like white trash since March of last year. Yeah, the dent was totally my fault. I had a choice between rubbing up against a parkade pillar and a stranger's oncoming BMW, and the pillar looked friendlier. But this dent is seriously sad-looking: my neighbours have commented on it with pitying looks several times over the past sixteen months. And then implied that they think it's about time for me to buy a new car, considering that the dent faces streetside where everyone can see it. Meanwhile, my boyfriend is fervently against fixing it because doing so would mean conforming to social norms and our conservative city's freeway-obsessed car culture. So the pressure is on, you see. I can't win.
I bought the Groupon thinking a $200 discount would push the repair - and the return of my dignity - into the realm of sedate affordability, but when I brought the car in to get a quote from Speedy, they said it would cost $2290.89: 500 for a replacement door, 250 to paint it, and 1500 in labour. Which, honestly, is two-thirds the worth of my crappy old car, whose other defining feature is being constantly awash in dog hair.
So, as I'm going to be stuck living with my neighbourhood's sneering materialism anyway, I was hoping you'd take pity on me and refund/credit me the $50 so that maybe I can afford your next deal for an auto detailing, instead.
Thanks for your kind ear,
Paige
Hi Paige,
Your email was well constructed and entertaining. Further, it struck a cord [sic] with me. My car was recently struck and became an eyesore while parked on the Chicago streets. Bummer.
I've just canceled this order and issued $50 Groupon credit to your account.
Take care,
Daniel S.
Groupon Customer Support
Daniel, you are very kind. Send me a high-res picture of your face and I'll plaster it over my dented door in homage to your - and Groupon's - excellence and generosity.
best,
Paige
Hey Paige,
This act would surely scare the neighbors!
Take care,
Daniel S.
Groupon Customer Support
See? Nice folks! Reconsider your rising wave of boredom regarding them! In other news, I have yet to pick up Dance With Dragons (my new best favourite bookstore is too pretentious to carry it, so I'm waiting for it to come in: best of both worlds, amirite?) and week 3 of my three weeks of vacation in August is starting on Tuesday. Heading to the wilds of northern Vancouver Island to make sadfaces at out-of-work lumberjacks with truck balls, and hopefully find a movie theatre still playing Potter 7. Potter 8? Whatever. Potter Le Fin: Draco finds a hole to put it in. Whatever.
I am so exhausted, you guys. Being underemployed is hard. D:
The only shit I've been writing lately is what I'd like to term "practice bullshit" and the odd bit of non-fiction lameousity. I have a word doc that has a really, really old prompt that has something to do with anonymous craigslist sex (I am the expert, right?) but I don't even know what fandom I'm in anymore. The Eagle has some kind of challenge coming up, I think, and prompts always get my blood going, but I just don't care about anything right now. I spent an hour the other day trying to find stories I've written of the gen, het or femslash variety, and came up nigh-on empty-handed. I never knew I was so one-note. :/
Anyway. Now that Mr. Chan is going back to herd the children day-to-day, I'll have more boring-ass days to fill, and I am fucking thrilled about that. Lately all I've been doing is banging dudes and exercising, so some firm quiet time would be nice. Maybe I'll be so bored I'll wrap up some small-fandom WIPs just to clear them off my hard drive. Or catch up on S4 of True Blood. SOOKEH!
Hi Groupon,
I'd like to return a $50 Groupon that I bought on July 23rd for Speedy Collision. I bought it thinking I'd use it to fix up an ugly-ass dent in my car door that's been making me look like white trash since March of last year. Yeah, the dent was totally my fault. I had a choice between rubbing up against a parkade pillar and a stranger's oncoming BMW, and the pillar looked friendlier. But this dent is seriously sad-looking: my neighbours have commented on it with pitying looks several times over the past sixteen months. And then implied that they think it's about time for me to buy a new car, considering that the dent faces streetside where everyone can see it. Meanwhile, my boyfriend is fervently against fixing it because doing so would mean conforming to social norms and our conservative city's freeway-obsessed car culture. So the pressure is on, you see. I can't win.
I bought the Groupon thinking a $200 discount would push the repair - and the return of my dignity - into the realm of sedate affordability, but when I brought the car in to get a quote from Speedy, they said it would cost $2290.89: 500 for a replacement door, 250 to paint it, and 1500 in labour. Which, honestly, is two-thirds the worth of my crappy old car, whose other defining feature is being constantly awash in dog hair.
So, as I'm going to be stuck living with my neighbourhood's sneering materialism anyway, I was hoping you'd take pity on me and refund/credit me the $50 so that maybe I can afford your next deal for an auto detailing, instead.
Thanks for your kind ear,
Paige
Hi Paige,
Your email was well constructed and entertaining. Further, it struck a cord [sic] with me. My car was recently struck and became an eyesore while parked on the Chicago streets. Bummer.
I've just canceled this order and issued $50 Groupon credit to your account.
Take care,
Daniel S.
Groupon Customer Support
Daniel, you are very kind. Send me a high-res picture of your face and I'll plaster it over my dented door in homage to your - and Groupon's - excellence and generosity.
best,
Paige
Hey Paige,
This act would surely scare the neighbors!
Take care,
Daniel S.
Groupon Customer Support
See? Nice folks! Reconsider your rising wave of boredom regarding them! In other news, I have yet to pick up Dance With Dragons (my new best favourite bookstore is too pretentious to carry it, so I'm waiting for it to come in: best of both worlds, amirite?) and week 3 of my three weeks of vacation in August is starting on Tuesday. Heading to the wilds of northern Vancouver Island to make sadfaces at out-of-work lumberjacks with truck balls, and hopefully find a movie theatre still playing Potter 7. Potter 8? Whatever. Potter Le Fin: Draco finds a hole to put it in. Whatever.
I am so exhausted, you guys. Being underemployed is hard. D:
The only shit I've been writing lately is what I'd like to term "practice bullshit" and the odd bit of non-fiction lameousity. I have a word doc that has a really, really old prompt that has something to do with anonymous craigslist sex (I am the expert, right?) but I don't even know what fandom I'm in anymore. The Eagle has some kind of challenge coming up, I think, and prompts always get my blood going, but I just don't care about anything right now. I spent an hour the other day trying to find stories I've written of the gen, het or femslash variety, and came up nigh-on empty-handed. I never knew I was so one-note. :/
Anyway. Now that Mr. Chan is going back to herd the children day-to-day, I'll have more boring-ass days to fill, and I am fucking thrilled about that. Lately all I've been doing is banging dudes and exercising, so some firm quiet time would be nice. Maybe I'll be so bored I'll wrap up some small-fandom WIPs just to clear them off my hard drive. Or catch up on S4 of True Blood. SOOKEH!