I AM A RIVER OF PHLEGM

[substitute]

I shouldn't complain because I'm already mostly over the damned thing after 24 hours and it's not the Flu-Bola™ that everyone else got, but rhinoviruses are overrrated. No sir, I don't like it. Snurfle.

COMFORT ME DAMNIT

Actually a pot of green jasmine tea and a largish glass of Barenjager have done a lot to make life bearable.