Stress Test
I didn't do anything today. I didn't go anywhere. I didn't talk with anybody of importance. I just slept for the majority of the day and took things easy. This is because I have finally completed all my classes. I no longer have to take anymore. Done. Papers are finally. No more essays. Ever. Unless I really want to that is. But...nothing unless I want to. For example, I do have to start writing my thesis and seeing where that takes me. However, I don't have to start right now. (I do...actually) I just wanted to give myself a day off though. I need to relax a bit for continuing on. My stress levels have been so incredibly high these last couple of weeks, I have had no chance to just...be. And sleep. It's just crazy.
I have also been thinking about my relationship with Mark a lot. It isn't a romantic one anymore. I don't feel the same way about him. I have said this a lot. I know this. But, I just don't know what to do about it. I wish that I was in a position right now where I could just move out of the apartment, take all my stuff and my kitties and drive off somewhere. But, right now, that isn't going to happen. My name is on the lease of this place and I can't really lose the credit or have a tarnish on my name. I just can't do it. But, I have watched some romantic movies today. You know...like The Holiday and Enchanted. I need someone that is willing to take me on a date and pay for me. I want a little bit of love and fluff. I want someone that I can look in the eyes and know that they really do love me. I know that I have never wanted these things before, but I really want them now. Is it possible to meet people while I am still in a relationship? Or do I really have to break up with someone first? I just don't think that I have the strength to break up with Mark and know that he isn't ok.
Things are complicated.
I just want my level of stress to simmer down...down...down.