Another Year Rolls By
Last weekend, I took acid for the first time since I was in high school. I am not proud of this fact. My body is profoundly aware of that fact. And my head, oh...she is putting me on the biggest guilt trip that oneself could ever bring upon oneself.
It was my grandmother's birthday the day after I took the tabs. Lets begin with a question of sorts if I may? What the fuck provoked me to even take that shit at all? I didn't like hallucinating and not being able to breathe when I took it in high school, why the fuck would I want to take it again? Was it the alcohol I consumed before hand? Was it the peer pressure from my friends since they were doing it too? I have never caved into peer pressure before, so I am going to rule that one out. In fact, I think I have the answer. I thought that placing myself in a world that was surrounded by only my subconscious thoughts, I would find out what I am supposed to do with my life, where I am supposed to go, and what would truly make me happy. While on it, I thought that I had realized these things. When the poison drained away, I was left feeling hollow again. Especially since it was my grandmother's birthday. And I didn't go with her, my mother, and my sister out to dinner. And I lied.
I told them that I did shrooms the night before. For some reason, I thought that would have a lesser effect on them if I told them that I took LSD. The result? They all threw me on a guilt trip, I felt like even more shit, and I had lied.
I am promising myself right now...I will never do that drug again.
On another totally depressing note, my tooth broke last night when I was eating a crouton. It was my molar, so it wasn't visible. But, it was harsh and rigid, so I called the dentist and he told me to come in for an emergency shaving. It turns out that the students and UCLA who practiced their dentistry on my tooth (see, UCLA is a teaching hospital and dental practice)botched the crown they put on. They never cleared out the cavity under it and they just put the crown on. Now that tooth needs a root canal. To top things off, my wisdom teeth are not rotting and need to be removed before causing mass entropy in my mouth.
Wonderful. I go in on Monday to begin the work.
Shall we just watch the snow and relish in ones Karma? Never attempt to destroy yourself unless you are really asking for it