making amends..

[suave_acita]

I've been meaning to post this. But part of me wouldn't allow myself because that would mean accepting that you would never see this, probally half ruining the suprise. but better to put it out there then never atall. well it's been over a week since i last talked to you. and i'm just trying to make sence of everything. i told you before you were a really good friend to me. i like things to be rather exclusive, i don't just let people into my life. i wouldn't just spill my problems. and it was weird because i felt like you were the one person who understood everything. you gave good advice, and really listened. i tried to be there for you, like you were there for me. you listen through all the times my parents and i had problems. i told you things that i would probally never, only because it was like you were going through the exact same things too. I just feel bad because I think that out of all the people, you would know how bad it feels. I'm tryna give you the benefit of the doubt, but I don't know. I just would like to know your reason? And please, don't feel any obligation (as i'm sure you don't.) you're just a busy person. but I select few people to talk to about things. And you were one of them. I don't know anymore. I just want you to be happy, I hope that whatever the circumstances of it was that it made you really happy. I never really go to tell you, and probally never will; Happy birthday. I just wanted to wish you an amazing happy eighteenth birthday Jonathan. I wanted to get you something nobody else had, so I thought back to when we chilled there and thought you should have a graffiti of your own. It's lame that the guy spelt your name with and "o" instead of the "a". but it's the thought behind it that matters, and well you'll probally never see it anyways so it doesn't matter. under the circumstances of how these things always seem to go down, you deserve a happy birthday and i hope that it was. it's kinda lame that I didn't get the chance to show you this myself, but whatever things happen. it's weird that things like that always seem to happen, and i never know why. regardless you've been a good friend for the most part, always listening and giving the best advice through the lousy family crap. you are the most absent/present person in my life. and I'm really glad that you I met you. ily kid. (:

( would you've like it?)