You can't outrun cake.
I've been pretty good about exercising. I can run a mile in 15 minutes without crapping myself or going into asthmatic shock. My max is what my body weight SHOULD be, about 185. I'm not bragging as these are not that impressive, it's just a year and half ago it seemed like I could get winded if I took a dump the wrong way. But I still have a gut. The problem is not my workout or my at home diet. It's that at work I'm surrounded by fat people. And by fat I mean touching all four walls of an elevator fat. And of course fat people like cake, and this kind of fat person only eats cake.. And fat people love to think of reasons to have cake. "You're having a baby!" CAKE "You're getting promoted" CAKE "You took a dump in ten countries in five days!" CAKE. And while we'll all agree that last one is deserving of some recognition, does it always have to be cake. Yes, I know I don't have to eat it, but unlike yourself I am not a rude asshole. I'm just the regular kind. I've suggested maybe cake be earned, like say doing pushups to earn said cake. Doing 10 gets you a slice; do five you can lick someones plate. Apparently this is considered degrading to most. Apparently I am the only one who finds that tea kettle sound that comes out of them whenever they're forced to use their arms and legs at the same time hilarious. Apparently half the floor being sent to the hospital in their quest for buttercream would be bad for productivity. So for now I'll eat their cake. Not to enjoy it but only to keep it from them.
