how can such a high be followed by such a low?
its not fair...
its not m fault that i am socially inept and freeze when it comes to public discourse...
i
ts not fair that i sound like an idiot everytime i open my mouth in front of a room...
its not right that i was made to feel inferior because i couldnt get out in words what i know in my head...
how the fuck am i supposed to become anything, much less a teacher, if i cant fucking speak in front of people????
what the hell am i supposed to do? i cant just change possibly the worst public display of stuttering by a non stutterer ever. i cant take it back, i cant do it over; its done, and now i must come to terms with the fact that i might verily FAIL an english course.
Why the fuck am I an english major? I cant even speak the language, all i speak is gobbledeegook. i proved that to everyone today.
god i hate myself right now. im a blubbering mess who cant read or speak apparently, nor can she deal with any type of failure, even if it is too early to tell.
sure, people in the class said i did fine, but they were just saying that because they pityed me, they saw me act like a freakaziod up in front of the room talking about a woman who is almost my literary hero at this point and not making any sense whatso ever
and i feel even worse because sean had a really good day today and i know im just gonna rin it for him... i hate being this weak, i hate that every bothers me about myself, and i hate that i dont know if i can change it.
I wanted to do so well today, and i did the first part really well, i mean really well, but then she interrupted me and got me all flustered because she wanted me to put stuff in my own words. She didnt do that to ANYONE else why the fuck do you want tme to change the words i just used, which btw were my own words, when you know that i never participate in class and there HAS to be a reason or that??
dont these professors realise that im a freak with social anxiety?
so im just gonna throw myself on my bed and cry until its not so bad anymore, and then im goig=ng over to bekky's to get away from all the stress i put on myself.
its not m fault that i am socially inept and freeze when it comes to public discourse...
i
ts not fair that i sound like an idiot everytime i open my mouth in front of a room...
its not right that i was made to feel inferior because i couldnt get out in words what i know in my head...
how the fuck am i supposed to become anything, much less a teacher, if i cant fucking speak in front of people????
what the hell am i supposed to do? i cant just change possibly the worst public display of stuttering by a non stutterer ever. i cant take it back, i cant do it over; its done, and now i must come to terms with the fact that i might verily FAIL an english course.
Why the fuck am I an english major? I cant even speak the language, all i speak is gobbledeegook. i proved that to everyone today.
god i hate myself right now. im a blubbering mess who cant read or speak apparently, nor can she deal with any type of failure, even if it is too early to tell.
sure, people in the class said i did fine, but they were just saying that because they pityed me, they saw me act like a freakaziod up in front of the room talking about a woman who is almost my literary hero at this point and not making any sense whatso ever
and i feel even worse because sean had a really good day today and i know im just gonna rin it for him... i hate being this weak, i hate that every bothers me about myself, and i hate that i dont know if i can change it.
I wanted to do so well today, and i did the first part really well, i mean really well, but then she interrupted me and got me all flustered because she wanted me to put stuff in my own words. She didnt do that to ANYONE else why the fuck do you want tme to change the words i just used, which btw were my own words, when you know that i never participate in class and there HAS to be a reason or that??
dont these professors realise that im a freak with social anxiety?
so im just gonna throw myself on my bed and cry until its not so bad anymore, and then im goig=ng over to bekky's to get away from all the stress i put on myself.