I'm Baaack!......
Okay
so I know that I haven't written here in a long time, but that's
because...well...I haven't been writing! I know that there really is no
excuse for that, and I thank Jenae for making me get off my ass and do
that. So, I have created a personal journal for myself at home. I
thought that I would share a clip of it here for you. And who knows...
I may even start updating here more often! The problem has been that I
can not seem to get my damn computer online for the life of me! Any
suggestions? I'd gladly take them!
Anyway, without further ado...here it is!
Just a Glimpse 10/30/05
Looking back on many of the choices that I have made in my life, I see a pattern so clearly that it nearly cuts like a blade.
Just how fast and far can I run away from who I truly am inside before I run myself right into my very own grave? One that I most likely will have dug for myself! The thing is, is that I keep trying to bring myself closer. With many of the choices (although I’ll admit that not all) I have made in my life in the past 5 years, it’s been to bring me closer to that person in me. That person that I am so deeply in love with, inside of myself. That person that awes me, supports me, drives me and attracts beautiful, powerful, important people closer to me.
The thing is that everyone else sees that person in me. Except me. I’ve met her once or twice before. But I always have this painful, yearning, aching feeling in my gut that I somehow to do not deserve to be this person. That someone who is as bad and hurtful as me, doesn’t deserve to be this good. That is that constant aching in my gut. That is the one that needs to be purged. I know that I didn’t deserve many of the things that have happened to me in life. This is true for most of us in fact. But don’t change the subject here lisa, this is about you. For once just focus on you. You need to be loved, just like everyone needs to be loved. You are worthy of being loved, just like everyone else is worthy. You just need to start believing in yourself. The doubt fills all those shadows within you and will take over if you allow it to. Fill that doubt with self-worth, self-love and self-respect. Don’t let it consume you. Your flames are much stronger than theirs. You can do it. Just stop and try. For once. Just really stop and try. You are on your way. You are touching it, you just need to wrap yourself around it now.
Just a Glimpse 10/30/05
Looking back on many of the choices that I have made in my life, I see a pattern so clearly that it nearly cuts like a blade.
Just how fast and far can I run away from who I truly am inside before I run myself right into my very own grave? One that I most likely will have dug for myself! The thing is, is that I keep trying to bring myself closer. With many of the choices (although I’ll admit that not all) I have made in my life in the past 5 years, it’s been to bring me closer to that person in me. That person that I am so deeply in love with, inside of myself. That person that awes me, supports me, drives me and attracts beautiful, powerful, important people closer to me.
The thing is that everyone else sees that person in me. Except me. I’ve met her once or twice before. But I always have this painful, yearning, aching feeling in my gut that I somehow to do not deserve to be this person. That someone who is as bad and hurtful as me, doesn’t deserve to be this good. That is that constant aching in my gut. That is the one that needs to be purged. I know that I didn’t deserve many of the things that have happened to me in life. This is true for most of us in fact. But don’t change the subject here lisa, this is about you. For once just focus on you. You need to be loved, just like everyone needs to be loved. You are worthy of being loved, just like everyone else is worthy. You just need to start believing in yourself. The doubt fills all those shadows within you and will take over if you allow it to. Fill that doubt with self-worth, self-love and self-respect. Don’t let it consume you. Your flames are much stronger than theirs. You can do it. Just stop and try. For once. Just really stop and try. You are on your way. You are touching it, you just need to wrap yourself around it now.