(no subject)
many things. i haven't written in a long time, but not because i haven't had anything to write about. i have been spending a lot of the time i'm not working, hanging out with drew. he seems to be the topic of discussion lately, in good and perhaps not so good ways. i'll get to that later.
this semester, like most, is going to be challenging, but in a good way. i really like design/build because not only are we really designing and having to work in group scenerios to plan and execute a design, but i really like doing hard manual labor and seeing how the construction process really happens. granted, i have to get up early a lot, and i'm sore. but i will get used to it. it will make me stronger dammit.
i think i am really going to like being in carrie's studio, despite not liking this drawing exercise that we just finished. i think my drawings overall weren't that bad, but my layout was just not successful. everyone thought i was overreacting, but that was just not the start i wanted to get off to. oh well. everyone feels like this stuff won't even be graded, that it was just to show her where we are in terms of our drawing skills. having a scholarship is the best and worst thing. it's great having the money for college, but it sucks to obsess about grades. i feel like such preocupation gets in the way of learning.
and then to drew.
i have been spending a lot of time with him. perhaps too much. i feel like i haven't seen any of my room mates since i've been back from christmas. and although i like him, as i have mentioned before, his attitude, i just sometimes am not sure about things. he is so critical about everyone and everything that isn't just like him, me included. i try to ignore it, but i feel like that is wrong, because that is acting like i agree with him all the time, and i don't.
i'm upset that i stayed up working on all of that stuff, and there was no reason for that whatsoever, because i screwed around. yes, that is my fault and no one elses. but at the same time, it feels like he expects me to just go along with his schedule and what he wants to do. he left studio last night around 11, and came to my desk and said he was leaving, and then i said, yeah well i think i have to stay up all night. and he just goes, what? wow... just really unsupportive. then he's all like, well are you playing frisbee tonight? i'm really tired. well, you take a nap, and then play frisbee, and then we can work on history together.
i got three hours of sleep.
he also fails to take me seriously when i tell him that i don't feel good. and i don't feel good. that's why i just got bloodwork done. i am tired, my stomach isn't happy all of the time. i have cramps even when i'm not having my period. my blood sugar drops sometimes really low when i work hard or don't sleep, and it takes me a while to get over that. like, it is unreasonable for me to want to go to sleep or something, because well, he feels fine.
and i don't like his work ethic. it just seems like he is just skirting through college. he skips classes, doesn't care about getting a C, doesn't take notes, does the minimum amount of work possible for anything. and that is just not me. i want to read everything and really engage and challenge myself. i don't WANT to work on history with him, because he could give a flying flip about it.
sometimes i really just want to stand up to him. sometimes i do. sometimes though, i hate being mad at him, but i really just want to tell him how it is. his way is not always the best. he is NOT perfect.
i mean, it is just like grandma said. it's fine to have a companion and whatnot, but the 'one' will come later. it's helping me to really rationalize my emotions, which i believe is good. but at the same time, i love being with him and etc, but his attitude and his not considering what it's like in other people's shoes (including mine) gets to me.
this semester, like most, is going to be challenging, but in a good way. i really like design/build because not only are we really designing and having to work in group scenerios to plan and execute a design, but i really like doing hard manual labor and seeing how the construction process really happens. granted, i have to get up early a lot, and i'm sore. but i will get used to it. it will make me stronger dammit.
i think i am really going to like being in carrie's studio, despite not liking this drawing exercise that we just finished. i think my drawings overall weren't that bad, but my layout was just not successful. everyone thought i was overreacting, but that was just not the start i wanted to get off to. oh well. everyone feels like this stuff won't even be graded, that it was just to show her where we are in terms of our drawing skills. having a scholarship is the best and worst thing. it's great having the money for college, but it sucks to obsess about grades. i feel like such preocupation gets in the way of learning.
and then to drew.
i have been spending a lot of time with him. perhaps too much. i feel like i haven't seen any of my room mates since i've been back from christmas. and although i like him, as i have mentioned before, his attitude, i just sometimes am not sure about things. he is so critical about everyone and everything that isn't just like him, me included. i try to ignore it, but i feel like that is wrong, because that is acting like i agree with him all the time, and i don't.
i'm upset that i stayed up working on all of that stuff, and there was no reason for that whatsoever, because i screwed around. yes, that is my fault and no one elses. but at the same time, it feels like he expects me to just go along with his schedule and what he wants to do. he left studio last night around 11, and came to my desk and said he was leaving, and then i said, yeah well i think i have to stay up all night. and he just goes, what? wow... just really unsupportive. then he's all like, well are you playing frisbee tonight? i'm really tired. well, you take a nap, and then play frisbee, and then we can work on history together.
i got three hours of sleep.
he also fails to take me seriously when i tell him that i don't feel good. and i don't feel good. that's why i just got bloodwork done. i am tired, my stomach isn't happy all of the time. i have cramps even when i'm not having my period. my blood sugar drops sometimes really low when i work hard or don't sleep, and it takes me a while to get over that. like, it is unreasonable for me to want to go to sleep or something, because well, he feels fine.
and i don't like his work ethic. it just seems like he is just skirting through college. he skips classes, doesn't care about getting a C, doesn't take notes, does the minimum amount of work possible for anything. and that is just not me. i want to read everything and really engage and challenge myself. i don't WANT to work on history with him, because he could give a flying flip about it.
sometimes i really just want to stand up to him. sometimes i do. sometimes though, i hate being mad at him, but i really just want to tell him how it is. his way is not always the best. he is NOT perfect.
i mean, it is just like grandma said. it's fine to have a companion and whatnot, but the 'one' will come later. it's helping me to really rationalize my emotions, which i believe is good. but at the same time, i love being with him and etc, but his attitude and his not considering what it's like in other people's shoes (including mine) gets to me.