(no subject)
just like that, the panic has lifted. it is so weird how it comes and goes, like a roller coaster, but i think now that with the other corresponding events, that it has something to do with hormones, seeing as that has been kind of a trend (or coincidence that has been happening for three months). either way, i am going to bring it up at my next appointment. at least it makes me feel better that i can say that there is some rationality to why this is happening. anyway, i'm glad i feel better now.
i've spent the whole day running around and getting things accomplished; buying the necessities for school, going downtown to this high end shoe store with mom so she could return her christmas present that didn't fit, this, that and the other. i've taken the past three days off of running because after all of my panicked worrying, i ended up having a full blown virus take hold of me, but i am feeling better now.
but i really think what helped, was that yesterday me and my mom went to get massages, and she went first so she could pick up phillip from school. and while i was waiting for my massage, i was reading this magazine called body + soul. and besides all the healthy and holistic recipes the magazine had, it also had articles on relaxation, stress relief, and spirituality. and it just really seemed like a grounded approach to looking at the psychological struggles i have been facing. it realy made me feel relaxed and reassured. people go through the same stresses i do. people face anxiety just like i do, and it doesn't last forever, and it doesn't mean that i'm going to die. especially after the massage, i felt a lot better. the panic really lifted yesterday, and i spent last night watching remember the titans with my family. i love that movie, and i love football.
(and i wish i could love me a football player... haha. that's a whole other story).
i can't wait to go to school tomorrow, but at the same time, i really want to stay at home. there are just some things about this place, and especially about my family, that make me think that i will end up back in asheville. that really isn't so bad, is it? i will probably travel a lot with my job anyway. i at least want to be ok with being away from home while i am, and i am optimisitic that i will be.
i hope this upswing of feeling can last. i have faith that i will find a significant other. it will happen with time. but i'm not going to worry about it right now. i really want to enjoy life without waiting and worrying about the what ifs, like i have been doing.
i've spent the whole day running around and getting things accomplished; buying the necessities for school, going downtown to this high end shoe store with mom so she could return her christmas present that didn't fit, this, that and the other. i've taken the past three days off of running because after all of my panicked worrying, i ended up having a full blown virus take hold of me, but i am feeling better now.
but i really think what helped, was that yesterday me and my mom went to get massages, and she went first so she could pick up phillip from school. and while i was waiting for my massage, i was reading this magazine called body + soul. and besides all the healthy and holistic recipes the magazine had, it also had articles on relaxation, stress relief, and spirituality. and it just really seemed like a grounded approach to looking at the psychological struggles i have been facing. it realy made me feel relaxed and reassured. people go through the same stresses i do. people face anxiety just like i do, and it doesn't last forever, and it doesn't mean that i'm going to die. especially after the massage, i felt a lot better. the panic really lifted yesterday, and i spent last night watching remember the titans with my family. i love that movie, and i love football.
(and i wish i could love me a football player... haha. that's a whole other story).
i can't wait to go to school tomorrow, but at the same time, i really want to stay at home. there are just some things about this place, and especially about my family, that make me think that i will end up back in asheville. that really isn't so bad, is it? i will probably travel a lot with my job anyway. i at least want to be ok with being away from home while i am, and i am optimisitic that i will be.
i hope this upswing of feeling can last. i have faith that i will find a significant other. it will happen with time. but i'm not going to worry about it right now. i really want to enjoy life without waiting and worrying about the what ifs, like i have been doing.