dog is love
well... i'm having some problems.
the past couple of days, my chest has felt tight, like i'm not getting enough air. i have felt like this before, when i'm really sick, but also when i'm panicking. the thing is, is that i went running today on a really hilly course, and i felt horrible. so that led me to think that this chest thing is a physical issue. just like i was breathing hard when i was running with drew. i blamed it on the cold then. but maybe it wasn't the cold. maybe the other times i have felt this, like when i'm stressed out, was some kind of physical breathing problem, which led to panicking. granted i'm a nervous person, i always have been, i think that when i get back to school i'm going to go get this checked out.
so what came first, the chicken or the egg? i don't know if i feel panic because of the way my chest feels or my chest feels this way because i'm panicking, the thing that sucks is, i'm panicking. not horribly so, but enough to concern me. and then i will be going back to school in a few days, and i won't be sleeping with drew anymore, i will be by myself to face this panic.
all i know is, yes i have been feeling better, but i'm sick of this. i'm sick of not feeling myself. i have been doing good in some respects, i haven't been taking any medicine, sleeping or anti anxiety. i just thought it ridiculous that i had to resort to taking the complete minimal dose they give to children of this drug to not have side effects and having to not half, but QUARTER the pills, i just thought, what's the use? but i am seriously considering going back on the luvox, and if i don't feel better by the time i have my appointment in february, then i need to do something else. maybe group was more effective than i thought, and it's because i've been without that support for a month. whatever the case, i want to get back to feeling completely normal again. and i really think this is possible. it should be. the dr really sounds like it's no big deal, relax, we can fix this, and not like, oh, shit, hospital, zombie drugs.
but despite the chest thing and the slight anxiety, i am still going into this semester optimistic and hopeful of great things. more rational thinking and behavior.
i am still thinking of the run today. although i huffed and puffed my way through it, what gave me a rest, was this cute old black lab, so old it's face was white. it's eyes were all runny. i pet it, and it rubbed it's runny eyes all over my legs and it was trembling with delight (and arthritis no doubt). i could have stood in the road and pet that dog all day. that was God.
the past couple of days, my chest has felt tight, like i'm not getting enough air. i have felt like this before, when i'm really sick, but also when i'm panicking. the thing is, is that i went running today on a really hilly course, and i felt horrible. so that led me to think that this chest thing is a physical issue. just like i was breathing hard when i was running with drew. i blamed it on the cold then. but maybe it wasn't the cold. maybe the other times i have felt this, like when i'm stressed out, was some kind of physical breathing problem, which led to panicking. granted i'm a nervous person, i always have been, i think that when i get back to school i'm going to go get this checked out.
so what came first, the chicken or the egg? i don't know if i feel panic because of the way my chest feels or my chest feels this way because i'm panicking, the thing that sucks is, i'm panicking. not horribly so, but enough to concern me. and then i will be going back to school in a few days, and i won't be sleeping with drew anymore, i will be by myself to face this panic.
all i know is, yes i have been feeling better, but i'm sick of this. i'm sick of not feeling myself. i have been doing good in some respects, i haven't been taking any medicine, sleeping or anti anxiety. i just thought it ridiculous that i had to resort to taking the complete minimal dose they give to children of this drug to not have side effects and having to not half, but QUARTER the pills, i just thought, what's the use? but i am seriously considering going back on the luvox, and if i don't feel better by the time i have my appointment in february, then i need to do something else. maybe group was more effective than i thought, and it's because i've been without that support for a month. whatever the case, i want to get back to feeling completely normal again. and i really think this is possible. it should be. the dr really sounds like it's no big deal, relax, we can fix this, and not like, oh, shit, hospital, zombie drugs.
but despite the chest thing and the slight anxiety, i am still going into this semester optimistic and hopeful of great things. more rational thinking and behavior.
i am still thinking of the run today. although i huffed and puffed my way through it, what gave me a rest, was this cute old black lab, so old it's face was white. it's eyes were all runny. i pet it, and it rubbed it's runny eyes all over my legs and it was trembling with delight (and arthritis no doubt). i could have stood in the road and pet that dog all day. that was God.