Cody
ok tonight or today, which ever way you want to put it, i met this really great guy. i mean he has been through alot of crap that i have been through too so we have somethings to relate on. well we had a good conversation today and then tonight when i felt like he wanted to make a move, i was too dang scared to make a move too. i mean i felt like i could stare into his blue eyes, looking right back at me while we sit next to eachother while watching trick. just wanting to make a move on him like gabe was on mark in the diner, just to try and see what he does, never knowing the outcome. just knowing inside by that warm feeling you get when you are close to that person. i blew the chance i dont know how many times tonight. i probably had atleast three chances easily, but no i was too blind to see them right in front of me. i mean with somewhat long shaggy blond hair, very good defined cheeck bones, a nice tall face, blue eyes, just everything you could even think of. and the whole night i just knew i should, but bein myself i couldnt, i am just too closed up, bottled, i cant think of the word im using right now, just have too many buffers i guess in my way. god i wish i didnt have them tonight, not with him, but then i didnt know if he liked that one guy he was talkin to me about earlier from grants pass that he sees everyone in awhile. i was just too scared that he liked him and i would just get the cold shoulder, god i hate myself sometimes for bein too closed up with the good emotions and letting the bad ones fly free from myself. i just wish i would of done something to show i liked him back tonight, i just wish i would of, maybe i will get another chance, but then maybe i wont. noooooooooooooooo. why oh why???????