50 thousand tears I cry....
I dunno one of those days where I am totally disconected to the world....to my body and where I feel I am watching myself from afar. Totally not with it and totally dis-associated....I mean can you really see me. The real me that is. I mean I am so insignificant if you blinked you might even miss me but then no one misses me as no one cares.
Just feel totally numb and pointless and full of woe. There is no purpose to this soul its half dead and been that way along long time and although a special someone has started to bring it back its not yet in remission and still wired up to the life support machine.
I am just so sick of being me all the time and feeling so tired and worthless and constantly trying to hide from my own reflection. Just so tired and I want to feel something more than pain and self loathing....just so tired of being me the jokes wearing thin now. The constant question thats in my head is can you really change....how do we change for the better.
I have totally given up on love I shall never be in love again as I know how it will end...how its written its always this way and always will be. My three friends make damn sure of that as if its not paranoia playing up then its insecurities and if not them....its trust issues and if I am really lucky then all three play up and I have to just watch the person run off and I am left to pick up the peices. Not a good day at all even though I got a tax rebate....I still can not change the way I am or feel.
Just feel totally numb and pointless and full of woe. There is no purpose to this soul its half dead and been that way along long time and although a special someone has started to bring it back its not yet in remission and still wired up to the life support machine.
I am just so sick of being me all the time and feeling so tired and worthless and constantly trying to hide from my own reflection. Just so tired and I want to feel something more than pain and self loathing....just so tired of being me the jokes wearing thin now. The constant question thats in my head is can you really change....how do we change for the better.
I have totally given up on love I shall never be in love again as I know how it will end...how its written its always this way and always will be. My three friends make damn sure of that as if its not paranoia playing up then its insecurities and if not them....its trust issues and if I am really lucky then all three play up and I have to just watch the person run off and I am left to pick up the peices. Not a good day at all even though I got a tax rebate....I still can not change the way I am or feel.