Time For a Time Line
Why is it so difficult to have just a small sense of clairvoyance? Hell, even some sort of ability to accurately view events as foreshadowing would be good enough for me.
All I keep coming back to when I think about certain events that occur in my life, is how everything is connected in one way or another. It's a bit strange, but strange is always in either a slight or direct text as being intriguing. Today is a look back in history for me. Care to come along? This is funny, in not so much of a "haw haw" fashion but more of a "quit whining" one.
Teresa and I started..."dating" the first time a few weeks into 9th grade. I was still immensely nervous to talk to women speaking I just had my...first real sexual encounter a couple of months back at the end of 8th Grade. It did not turn out well in any bastardization of the word, and there are times when I still hate Richard for that whole ordeal. Seperate story for a seperate time, however. Point is, I didn't know much of dating, relationships, communication, or pretty much anything else necessary for a committment Then again I was 14, so who did know? Well, after a very small spat involving one of her "best friends" (Who ended up being a psychotic stalker, but that has no relevance either. Just me being right about these kinds of things) a couple of months into it, we decided we would stop seeing each other for awhile. What did this mean? Nothing. We still hung out every day, and spent all most all of our time almost exclusively with eachother, then happily involving the other into our socioeconomic pubescent little nerd-circles. She had her art friends and the skater kids and the Hacky-Sackers, and I had my black friends(indeed a class of their own, these guys are unique) and my video game lunch in and...Hacky-Sackers. Well, we officially were not *dating* again until January 14th, 2002. We had spent all of our time together and we both considered that we were together the whole time, just that was when the classic words were used, stone in my memory like a pleasant gargoyle. I stammered like crazy because I didn't know the right words to say. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to say. I didn't know much of anything. Not much has changed in five years. It went like this.
"Um..I...you...*nervous laughter*...would you...um*sneezing and shuffling feet while looking at the ground*um...well..." - Me.
"How about I just say yes?" - Her.
"That works.*nervous laughter* - Me. Then we took eachother hands in our own, and walked into the next few years. We made plans to get married January 14, 2006 on December 7th, 2004. I graduated May of 04, with plans for college and sugarplums and etc. etc. etc...
I'm a realist more than I am a hopeful, which is unfortnate that the circumstances usually away from my favor. I know it takes a lot more than love in order for a relationship or a marriage to work. It takes things such as finances, and at 17 I had none. So I joined the army. I talked with her for about 6 months leading up to my proposal about me joining the military. She didn't like it, or approve, but understood that it was something that I was doing for us and it would eventually greatly benefit us as a couple. The military takes care of people, right?
I left for basic training on January 19th, 2005.
April 1st, 2005 - I finished basic training and it was off to AIT for me. At AIT I could use the phone almost daily, and I took full advantage of this opportunity.
April 15th, 2005. I got an email detailing how much I was loved, and missed. Something seemed...strange.
April 16th, 2005. She decided she did not want to be someone who was in the military, and told me as such.
I took it hard.
Well, since at AIT if you do good you're allowed to stay off post every weekend, I hardly stayed in the barracks when I had the chance to leave. I was at my physical peak, and since it was summer in Georgia I was developing a nice tan. The women likeded me. How did I react to the pursuits of...more than a few women searching to make the "shy-buff Van their own, if just for one night." Actual words that I won't forget. How did I react to their pursuits? Like an idiot. I rejected all pursuits and buried myself in alcohol. I'd seen it used as an escape before, so I figure I can do it too. Many an opportunity to have a one night stand with one and or very rarely two women were thrown away by my own...I guess moral uncertainty.
4th of July Weekend - I got a pass off post. I was going to go home for it and see Teresa, but she didn't want anything to do with me and it was damn near starting to be mutual. So I went with my friend who I'm still trying to get a hold of named Arthmann. Artie Boy. We were inseperable. He was a music guru, which I unfortuneately did not realize until a few months ago. He had every Ani DiFranco CD, MSI, Kill Hannah, and plenty of other great artists cd's that I had never heard of. We bonded with old ICP and Marylin Manson. Mainstream. Well, he saw me downward spiralling in my substance abuse and decided to try and do something about it. He brought me with him home for the four days we had off. I spent 4 days in South Carolina.
Maryn. A gorgeous young punk woman with a hell of a sense of humor. Plus, she thought I was hot. Always a plus. Well...There we were - Art, his girlfriend, Maryn, and myself in a pool. We had acquired for me a full gallon of Malibu. Instead of capitalizing with this beautiful woman who was more than "into me," I decided to have a drink. Or two. Next thing I know, Maryn is standing above me asking if I'm all right. I apparently drank almost the entire gallon for myself. I apparently did not hold my liquor. I apparently climbed out of the pool and on to a patio. I apparently threw up all over myself. And in my shoes. I found out about the shoes when I sobered up. And stepped in them.
God. Damnit. Anywho, Maryn kind of took care of me until I woke up, and then she gave me a hug and we parted. Why did I include this? I don't know. It's funny to laugh at yourself. Hah.
December - I met Alecia, and she became one of my best friends. I hung out with her daily. I drove from Anchorage to Eagle River every day and spent the night on her couch most of the times. I loved it. On Jan. 3rd, we started...dating? It was a slow work in progess, and we both agreed during it that we'll end up as friends.
On January 14th, 2006, on my way up to stay with her and some of our friends at Alyeska Ski Resort, was when she decided we should be friends. That was all right because that's what we both knew it would end up as, but while I was up there staying in the room with our friends and her, I decided to *gasp* get drunk! Stone cold blacked out. Vomiting on myself. AGAIN! WHOOO-HOOO! Oh yeah, this night ended up with me getting robbed and the cops somehow ended up in my room. I ran and stayed in a jeep with the car turned for a few hours, and I never found the pants I wore there ever again. This was in my short lived "I want to swim," phase, so I was wearing shorts. And a bathrobe. And shoes. In Alaska. In January. In the mountains. I almost got frostbite of my wenis. Wee-Penis. Less than fun.
I will continue this later.
All I keep coming back to when I think about certain events that occur in my life, is how everything is connected in one way or another. It's a bit strange, but strange is always in either a slight or direct text as being intriguing. Today is a look back in history for me. Care to come along? This is funny, in not so much of a "haw haw" fashion but more of a "quit whining" one.
Teresa and I started..."dating" the first time a few weeks into 9th grade. I was still immensely nervous to talk to women speaking I just had my...first real sexual encounter a couple of months back at the end of 8th Grade. It did not turn out well in any bastardization of the word, and there are times when I still hate Richard for that whole ordeal. Seperate story for a seperate time, however. Point is, I didn't know much of dating, relationships, communication, or pretty much anything else necessary for a committment Then again I was 14, so who did know? Well, after a very small spat involving one of her "best friends" (Who ended up being a psychotic stalker, but that has no relevance either. Just me being right about these kinds of things) a couple of months into it, we decided we would stop seeing each other for awhile. What did this mean? Nothing. We still hung out every day, and spent all most all of our time almost exclusively with eachother, then happily involving the other into our socioeconomic pubescent little nerd-circles. She had her art friends and the skater kids and the Hacky-Sackers, and I had my black friends(indeed a class of their own, these guys are unique) and my video game lunch in and...Hacky-Sackers. Well, we officially were not *dating* again until January 14th, 2002. We had spent all of our time together and we both considered that we were together the whole time, just that was when the classic words were used, stone in my memory like a pleasant gargoyle. I stammered like crazy because I didn't know the right words to say. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know how to say. I didn't know much of anything. Not much has changed in five years. It went like this.
"Um..I...you...*nervous laughter*...would you...um*sneezing and shuffling feet while looking at the ground*um...well..." - Me.
"How about I just say yes?" - Her.
"That works.*nervous laughter* - Me. Then we took eachother hands in our own, and walked into the next few years. We made plans to get married January 14, 2006 on December 7th, 2004. I graduated May of 04, with plans for college and sugarplums and etc. etc. etc...
I'm a realist more than I am a hopeful, which is unfortnate that the circumstances usually away from my favor. I know it takes a lot more than love in order for a relationship or a marriage to work. It takes things such as finances, and at 17 I had none. So I joined the army. I talked with her for about 6 months leading up to my proposal about me joining the military. She didn't like it, or approve, but understood that it was something that I was doing for us and it would eventually greatly benefit us as a couple. The military takes care of people, right?
I left for basic training on January 19th, 2005.
April 1st, 2005 - I finished basic training and it was off to AIT for me. At AIT I could use the phone almost daily, and I took full advantage of this opportunity.
April 15th, 2005. I got an email detailing how much I was loved, and missed. Something seemed...strange.
April 16th, 2005. She decided she did not want to be someone who was in the military, and told me as such.
I took it hard.
Well, since at AIT if you do good you're allowed to stay off post every weekend, I hardly stayed in the barracks when I had the chance to leave. I was at my physical peak, and since it was summer in Georgia I was developing a nice tan. The women likeded me. How did I react to the pursuits of...more than a few women searching to make the "shy-buff Van their own, if just for one night." Actual words that I won't forget. How did I react to their pursuits? Like an idiot. I rejected all pursuits and buried myself in alcohol. I'd seen it used as an escape before, so I figure I can do it too. Many an opportunity to have a one night stand with one and or very rarely two women were thrown away by my own...I guess moral uncertainty.
4th of July Weekend - I got a pass off post. I was going to go home for it and see Teresa, but she didn't want anything to do with me and it was damn near starting to be mutual. So I went with my friend who I'm still trying to get a hold of named Arthmann. Artie Boy. We were inseperable. He was a music guru, which I unfortuneately did not realize until a few months ago. He had every Ani DiFranco CD, MSI, Kill Hannah, and plenty of other great artists cd's that I had never heard of. We bonded with old ICP and Marylin Manson. Mainstream. Well, he saw me downward spiralling in my substance abuse and decided to try and do something about it. He brought me with him home for the four days we had off. I spent 4 days in South Carolina.
Maryn. A gorgeous young punk woman with a hell of a sense of humor. Plus, she thought I was hot. Always a plus. Well...There we were - Art, his girlfriend, Maryn, and myself in a pool. We had acquired for me a full gallon of Malibu. Instead of capitalizing with this beautiful woman who was more than "into me," I decided to have a drink. Or two. Next thing I know, Maryn is standing above me asking if I'm all right. I apparently drank almost the entire gallon for myself. I apparently did not hold my liquor. I apparently climbed out of the pool and on to a patio. I apparently threw up all over myself. And in my shoes. I found out about the shoes when I sobered up. And stepped in them.
God. Damnit. Anywho, Maryn kind of took care of me until I woke up, and then she gave me a hug and we parted. Why did I include this? I don't know. It's funny to laugh at yourself. Hah.
December - I met Alecia, and she became one of my best friends. I hung out with her daily. I drove from Anchorage to Eagle River every day and spent the night on her couch most of the times. I loved it. On Jan. 3rd, we started...dating? It was a slow work in progess, and we both agreed during it that we'll end up as friends.
On January 14th, 2006, on my way up to stay with her and some of our friends at Alyeska Ski Resort, was when she decided we should be friends. That was all right because that's what we both knew it would end up as, but while I was up there staying in the room with our friends and her, I decided to *gasp* get drunk! Stone cold blacked out. Vomiting on myself. AGAIN! WHOOO-HOOO! Oh yeah, this night ended up with me getting robbed and the cops somehow ended up in my room. I ran and stayed in a jeep with the car turned for a few hours, and I never found the pants I wore there ever again. This was in my short lived "I want to swim," phase, so I was wearing shorts. And a bathrobe. And shoes. In Alaska. In January. In the mountains. I almost got frostbite of my wenis. Wee-Penis. Less than fun.
I will continue this later.