I've been alright
I joined the crew team at my college and the girls on the team have made me feel a lot better about myself. Ideally I'd still like to get down to 110, but the idea of being <100 and always hungry seems ridiculous to me when I know now that with hard work during crew I can define my body and make it leaner without being super unhealthy.
That is not to say that I haven't had several days or weeks here and there where I am convinced that I am a fat-ass (I am not, I am just not thin, I keep telling myself).
I've stayed at about 124/125 pounds all semester, except that I was working out way more than usual and my arms are pretty defined these days.
I found a beautiful mexican boy to be my lover, and he says the most wonderful things to me, "You do not have to be a model to be beautiful and for me to want to be with you forever," etc.
I still think a lot about the way that I look and my weight, but it is less of a torment. I eat probably about 1500 calories a day these days (which isn't a huge amount, considering in the morning for most of the last few months I have been getting up early to work out with the team for three hours-ish).
Goal for next semester: 120lbs or less, but if I start getting obsessive and unhealthy again I'm going to pull back. I wantto be lean and trim, but not starved.
That is not to say that I haven't had several days or weeks here and there where I am convinced that I am a fat-ass (I am not, I am just not thin, I keep telling myself).
I've stayed at about 124/125 pounds all semester, except that I was working out way more than usual and my arms are pretty defined these days.
I found a beautiful mexican boy to be my lover, and he says the most wonderful things to me, "You do not have to be a model to be beautiful and for me to want to be with you forever," etc.
I still think a lot about the way that I look and my weight, but it is less of a torment. I eat probably about 1500 calories a day these days (which isn't a huge amount, considering in the morning for most of the last few months I have been getting up early to work out with the team for three hours-ish).
Goal for next semester: 120lbs or less, but if I start getting obsessive and unhealthy again I'm going to pull back. I wantto be lean and trim, but not starved.