Hey Mates
Holy Crap, Im angry at my computer. Like today I talk to Courtney who says she just updated, and when I try to go to my friends, it shows like the livejournals from the 5th and before. Nothing after that... So the last couple of days I just figured that no one was writing... Damn... Well now I know differently. Hey, Inservice was fun last night. Plus I didnt have to worry about getting up any later then 10:00 today cause all I really had to do was go to the dentist, which btw, I dont like. I dont like dentists in general and could never see myself as one because of people like me who just hate them for no good reason. Well they numbed up my mouth and it stayed that way for like 4-5 hours. I have never had that shit stay for so long. Im usually done with it like 30 mins after exiting the office. Maybe my bod's just getting weaker cause im overworking myself. That or maybe its the stress.
Something I have not talked about to really anyone save a few is my stress. Lately on the job, and also trying to help people I have been under a lot of stress. So much so that like I had a week like 3 weeks ago where I would puke, or even start puking blood like 3-4 times a day. Never told anyone about that except for Lynette who I was on good terms with at the time. Hasn't been so bad lately, but I think it wasn't just the stress, because I do drink a lot of acidic beverages. Which pretty much translates to a 1/2 gallon of Orange Juice everyday which I heard can often cause citric acid poisoning, and im not sure what the symptoms of that are, but maybe thats what it was. I still drink a lot of it now though. Just as much as always, but I've learned to keep the stress down, which guess works pretty well for me now.
So yeah... still like 3 days till Ashley gets back... or maybe its four... All I know is its been 4 days and its felt like weeks. I know Im just setting myself up for a big fall when she tells me she has a BF, but like I dunno, I have found few people in this world that I can accept how they are upon first meeting them. I never really felt that way for Heather, or KD, or Courtney, or Lynette. Neither for Cameron, or Matt, or Jorge or Joe. Not even Javon, Sukh, or Bryan. I mean yeah I love all these people like family I do, but it took time for me to accept who they were and their little quirks. The only other person that I felt instantly for was Rebecca, and I dont know exactly if thats a good thing or not. But like I feel like I can trust Ashley, which is something that I still dont feel with a lot of my friends. Trust me, if you are not Bryan, Javon, or my journal, you dont know half the mess that goes on up here. Lynette can testify, I dont share shit with anyone. Which is one reason why I think she and me are not on the best terms right now, but thats a tale for anouther day... or at least anouther paragraph. See I mean few people I know would just ask questions about me, about who I am and what I do, what makes me tick, and yet talking to her for like 1 week she was asking me all these questions. Most of the time I dont answer when people ask them, but I dunno... maybe it was her eyes, which hypnoticaly pull myanswers free. I do trust her though and I see a good person under her skin. I like her lots is what Im saying, and I know Im gonna get hurt, I know its coming, but as a good songwriter once wrote, "Let it burn..."
As for me and Lynette this seems to be the situation. I went over there like a few weeks ago (it could have been like 1 week ago, but seriously time has lost all meaning w/o Ashley here...::blushes:: seriously though it feels like so much time has passed when only 4 days have!!!) But yeah, whatever day we watched the real cancoon at BDs house it was that night... so shyea I went over there after seeing the dentist and talked with her. IT did not go well. I mean I dont know what it is, but somehow everytime we talk things are getting worse. Like last time... Seriously I dont think that people change anymore. Because me and Lynette wer once the best of friends, then we did not like each other. Gave it anouther go and were best of friends again, and now we are miserable around each other. Its always the same thing. We are friends, I liked her, then we get angry. Only now Im so sure that Im over her Im willing to stake the friendship upon it. Like seriously she totaly ditched me when she began going ot with Kyle, which you know what doesnt bother me that much, but at least admit that there is a bloody reason for it. She acts like nothing means anything, and I want to tell her that she is so friggin hypocritical, but I wont, because tha twould hurt her feelings, and then I call her, she says she will call me back and does, but I sint there for it so I call her and she aint there for my last 2 and then I leave my phone upstairs and she calls, twice, and I didn't mean to miss the calls, but I know she is thinking that I am avoiding her, but its really jsut bad stuff. I swear its so dumb that I feel so much passion about this person and dont want to be with them, but I swear shes going to put wrinkles on my face and gray hairs on my head... Sometimes I just want to yell at her, and sometimes... I dont know too much passion there to think clearly... ever.
Well, Rebecca should totaly drop her Boyfriend, or quit talking like shes going to. I mean hell everytime I hear about what an asshole he is from her, Im like, u dont need that Rebecca, but she keeps going back and I find it harder and harder to have any sympothy for her. I just want to grab her and say, Break up with the damn fool, if he makes you so angry! I mean damn, I would have given anything for Rebecca, and treated her like a fucking Queen had I ever been given the chance and I swear Josh fucking doesnt know what he has and is too fucking stupid to cherish her as she deserves. But you know what, she aint any better for putting up with his crap for so long. If he makes you that mad babe, YOU GOTTA GET RID OF HIM! Relationships are supposed to make people happy, and when that happiness is compromised, you need to either fix it or end it. Unfixable problems are not going to go away. I want to be there for Rebecca, but hell you gotta quit making the wound B4 it can heal.
Well, Hockey id going... bad... Our team is down and if we dont win our next game, we are gone. That means no playoffs. We need to win this next game and score a buttload of goals and we gotta hope that father son team eliminates the thunderblades. That is our only chance of making it to the playoffs. Im not sure what happens in case of a tie say if we win and so do the thunderblades, but hopefully, we wont have to worry about that. Me and Javon went to practice and I'd say we are ready for this Saturday. I just hope that the next few days go quickly cause damn, time is moving way too slowly.
4 more days, and yet I know that Im going to feel everylast one of them as a year or two. Peace all, and goodnight.
Something I have not talked about to really anyone save a few is my stress. Lately on the job, and also trying to help people I have been under a lot of stress. So much so that like I had a week like 3 weeks ago where I would puke, or even start puking blood like 3-4 times a day. Never told anyone about that except for Lynette who I was on good terms with at the time. Hasn't been so bad lately, but I think it wasn't just the stress, because I do drink a lot of acidic beverages. Which pretty much translates to a 1/2 gallon of Orange Juice everyday which I heard can often cause citric acid poisoning, and im not sure what the symptoms of that are, but maybe thats what it was. I still drink a lot of it now though. Just as much as always, but I've learned to keep the stress down, which guess works pretty well for me now.
So yeah... still like 3 days till Ashley gets back... or maybe its four... All I know is its been 4 days and its felt like weeks. I know Im just setting myself up for a big fall when she tells me she has a BF, but like I dunno, I have found few people in this world that I can accept how they are upon first meeting them. I never really felt that way for Heather, or KD, or Courtney, or Lynette. Neither for Cameron, or Matt, or Jorge or Joe. Not even Javon, Sukh, or Bryan. I mean yeah I love all these people like family I do, but it took time for me to accept who they were and their little quirks. The only other person that I felt instantly for was Rebecca, and I dont know exactly if thats a good thing or not. But like I feel like I can trust Ashley, which is something that I still dont feel with a lot of my friends. Trust me, if you are not Bryan, Javon, or my journal, you dont know half the mess that goes on up here. Lynette can testify, I dont share shit with anyone. Which is one reason why I think she and me are not on the best terms right now, but thats a tale for anouther day... or at least anouther paragraph. See I mean few people I know would just ask questions about me, about who I am and what I do, what makes me tick, and yet talking to her for like 1 week she was asking me all these questions. Most of the time I dont answer when people ask them, but I dunno... maybe it was her eyes, which hypnoticaly pull myanswers free. I do trust her though and I see a good person under her skin. I like her lots is what Im saying, and I know Im gonna get hurt, I know its coming, but as a good songwriter once wrote, "Let it burn..."
As for me and Lynette this seems to be the situation. I went over there like a few weeks ago (it could have been like 1 week ago, but seriously time has lost all meaning w/o Ashley here...::blushes:: seriously though it feels like so much time has passed when only 4 days have!!!) But yeah, whatever day we watched the real cancoon at BDs house it was that night... so shyea I went over there after seeing the dentist and talked with her. IT did not go well. I mean I dont know what it is, but somehow everytime we talk things are getting worse. Like last time... Seriously I dont think that people change anymore. Because me and Lynette wer once the best of friends, then we did not like each other. Gave it anouther go and were best of friends again, and now we are miserable around each other. Its always the same thing. We are friends, I liked her, then we get angry. Only now Im so sure that Im over her Im willing to stake the friendship upon it. Like seriously she totaly ditched me when she began going ot with Kyle, which you know what doesnt bother me that much, but at least admit that there is a bloody reason for it. She acts like nothing means anything, and I want to tell her that she is so friggin hypocritical, but I wont, because tha twould hurt her feelings, and then I call her, she says she will call me back and does, but I sint there for it so I call her and she aint there for my last 2 and then I leave my phone upstairs and she calls, twice, and I didn't mean to miss the calls, but I know she is thinking that I am avoiding her, but its really jsut bad stuff. I swear its so dumb that I feel so much passion about this person and dont want to be with them, but I swear shes going to put wrinkles on my face and gray hairs on my head... Sometimes I just want to yell at her, and sometimes... I dont know too much passion there to think clearly... ever.
Well, Rebecca should totaly drop her Boyfriend, or quit talking like shes going to. I mean hell everytime I hear about what an asshole he is from her, Im like, u dont need that Rebecca, but she keeps going back and I find it harder and harder to have any sympothy for her. I just want to grab her and say, Break up with the damn fool, if he makes you so angry! I mean damn, I would have given anything for Rebecca, and treated her like a fucking Queen had I ever been given the chance and I swear Josh fucking doesnt know what he has and is too fucking stupid to cherish her as she deserves. But you know what, she aint any better for putting up with his crap for so long. If he makes you that mad babe, YOU GOTTA GET RID OF HIM! Relationships are supposed to make people happy, and when that happiness is compromised, you need to either fix it or end it. Unfixable problems are not going to go away. I want to be there for Rebecca, but hell you gotta quit making the wound B4 it can heal.
Well, Hockey id going... bad... Our team is down and if we dont win our next game, we are gone. That means no playoffs. We need to win this next game and score a buttload of goals and we gotta hope that father son team eliminates the thunderblades. That is our only chance of making it to the playoffs. Im not sure what happens in case of a tie say if we win and so do the thunderblades, but hopefully, we wont have to worry about that. Me and Javon went to practice and I'd say we are ready for this Saturday. I just hope that the next few days go quickly cause damn, time is moving way too slowly.
4 more days, and yet I know that Im going to feel everylast one of them as a year or two. Peace all, and goodnight.