It's been a while eh?
Hey everyone, I guess you can say its been a while for most of you reading this since you've last seen me, or heard from me, or even been thought of about me... Well, Thats mostly because I have been cut off from most of you. Not because I have had to be, or even because I want to be, but circumstances have forced me to be stuck in a solistice of myselself. And thus the name, Strife of Me works.
Well lets see, things that have been going on... Oakwoods about to start up again. YEAH! Thats good, and the only thing that could make it better would be me being healthy for it. For those of you who do not know, my eyes have gone down the shitter for the most part and now I can barely see. My eyes are one thing I need too. I need them for work, for school, and for hundresds if not thousands of other things. I think Im going to the doctors to have them see my eyes today and hopefully they will tell me something useful about them. I have a dream though of having good vision and maybe I can mnake it so with laser eye surgery. Maybe? Im almost 18 and so I could get it done then and it would only cost me like 1000 bucks, and while expensive, I would not have to worry about contacts anymore. I mean I would need reading glasses every now and again but hell I can deal with those. I dunno, it would be nice to be able to see though.
Some other things that have been going on, is my friendship with Lynette. But where to start with that. Almost a year ago (this July 5th) I met her and things have been crazy ever since. (aren't they always with me?) Well, I have gone through a crazy friendship with her, much as I like to call it a rollercoaster friendship because we had really high highs (such as our 1 on 1 covos which lasted for hours upon hours) and our really low Lows (such as yelling at each other outside of Denny's) But on thing remained though no matter how many times things got outa hand. An admiration for each other. At the time we met I was trying desperatly to get over a certain someone known to many who I txt as RM. Lynette was purdy and I had a crush on her, so why not? I was told that I was being foolish and was told not to try for her, but Im James, so am I going to listen to caution? FUCK NO! Well, we became friends, though maybe not as much as I wanted to and wrote letters (beingt hat she could not get phone calls or visits) and even snuck into her backyard to talk with her even after an hour long conversation with her mother in which I had to keep very still and very quiet under a desk. But we remained friends and I tried to help her, while still trying to be with someone who did not want me in that way. Eventually though a letter I wrote somehow made her angry and she responded with one of her own, and I responded with an 8 page letter that got me in trouble some more. The letters stopped and the friendship seemed to die. Months later being bored I decided to visit her and see how she was. I had been meaning to for a while, but had never made the time to. I did meet ehr and talked again with one of my old best friends and I kept things as plutonic as they would go. We had fun, but time passed and she had to leave like 3 hours after my visit. A few days later we met again, and went to the mall having a good day which later I would remember for getting a speed ticket that night, and I began having a crush on her again after months before promising to never let that happen again. Well, promises were sometimes meant to be broken, and old habits often die hard. A wise person once told me, "You like someone for a reason, no matter how many years of girlfriends you have in those years, that attraction will always be there, and thus you will always like that person." Simple, but perhaps complex being that it came from Tom. Tom who helped me when it seemed no one else could. The attraction grew and things became more complex then ever before. I threw aside my promise and pursued her and it seemed like she liked me also. That all changed one night when Lynette spent the night at a firends house. She had told me that she was most likely going to drink and whenever that happens I will always protect her and make sure she doesnt over drink. She ahs once when I went to MT and was unable to help her, so I have sworn never t let her again. Kinda like being a guardian angel which will come back in the story later on. Well, I went with her and met a few of her friends, and her friends friends, whom I had already met before in the past, and one of them from Manteca High recognized me even though I had never met her before. Hmmmm, U look familier, maybe I just have one of those faces. Too bad we later determined it was from when I tried to sneak into the senior panoramic at Manteca High... hee hee. Former sins follow us all. Well, time went by and I protected her and tried to make a few moves, and got closer, but... Well everyone seemed to think that we were a couple, which is what I kinda wanted, but at the same time, I guess Lynette was kinda sick of people saying it or something so that didnt work out too well. The night ended and Lynette was angry at me (I know she was cuz we didnt talk for like the last hour) and by the end I just kinda left unsatisfied. Got kinda sad myself, but didnt let it hurt me. Next day had a blast at the job fair only to come home and be told that Lynette got angry at me for kinda acting like we were in a couple and so I got angry again and realized... ITS THE SAME DAMNED RELATIONSHIP/FRIENDSHIP WE HAD BEFORE!!! Well, when that happened I got angry... at her, at myself, and at everyone and everything around me. Later called, bad stuff, told her everything about me liking her and stuff, and that ended badly, well that night it eneded badly. My macho fasade was begining to crack and I could talk without my voice cracking and eyes watering, but tried to go on with my day anyways. I got worse up to the game that night, and after getting my ass handed to me then I broke down. Got really angry and even through a chair or two started crying and didnt stopo untill several hours later. The nect day I felt better though and really havent talk too much about the incident ever since. But like what Im saying is that things have always been crazy with Lynette because I loved her, and perhaps (this is a James Felt original quote btw) "You can only know true love, when you've been truely hurt by IT" But well, I've always kinda loved her and like I figure that If I truely love her, then I have to know how much I do. A partial love would want her only enough to have her, but someone who truely loved her would know when to keep their distance, and thus because I love her I'm going to stand by her as a firend, and nothing more. That is the mark of love in my book. I will always be there for her and will protect her no matter what come against her, but will hold back how I feel because I know that partial love in beyond me. If that doesnt make sense to people, then Im not sure I can make it make sense. Love, Loss, and Live. Once you've done all three perhaps what I say will make some sense. Well, I started thinking once I decided how much I loved her and though, Hmmm God has always tried to work through me when I was younger, so maybe this is his work.
GOD: Hey Gabrielle, who is #1 on the blasphemer's list?
Gabrielle: Well it appears to be a 17 yeal old boy by the name of Felt. James Felt-
GOD: WHAT?! A 17 year old has done more blasphemy then even some 70 year olds!? Impossible! Well, I have a special assignment for this boy. He is to help a girl who will need his help and do my work through him.
Gabrielle: What makes you think that he will comply? I mean he does use a LOT of blasphemy...
GOD: I will make him attractted to this girl and through that attraction he will stay near and I will give him patience to be reckoned with so that he will continue to stay by her side... much like a gurdian angel.
-And thus James and Lynette's Frienship(s) started. And thus they will stay...
I feel really bad about many things, such as not speaking to Jorge and Courtney, and Joe, and KD, and many others who I have just not been in contact with. I have very few good reasons for this other than I have been hurt in the eye and been unable to find time to see people between work and school and injuries. Sorry though I really wish that I could... Hmmm. OH yeah! Last Saturday, was a game, a game that I will not soon forget! See, I had supposedly given up playing hockey. It was no longer fun and I was shitty, plus I had had a bad night (refer to upper paragraph) and thus I had quit. Just like that. Well, it appeared that during prom as well as other things going on that much of the team would not make it to the game. I got there, Javon got there, and TRavis got there. We waited, and no one else arrived... Bryan's dad showed up and like we even asked him to play, but we had 2 forewards (goal scorers!) and 1 defender. No goalie. Not even a full line. We needed at least 4 to not forfeit, and we were still about to play with only 3 and no goalie, but a few secodns before they dropped the puck a 4th member showed up. Mark Kahn. One whom I had constantly made fun of and been insulted by, but at the time he looked like a godsent angel. We had 4 players but no goalie... The game began... After winning a face off, we took the puck to their side and a few minutes later... we scored... I was like... WHAT?! A few minutes more, and we scored again. we had 4 players at the time with no goalie, and were up in a game 2-0. BTW with only 4 on the line, we had no subs and the only rest we got was in between the puck dropping. It was then that we got our fifth man for our line, some crappy player, but he still helped us out. The other team got a shot on an empty net and scored and it was 2-1 we did not let them have us like that for long though and so we scored our third goal. 3-1 by the end of the 1st period and it was then that we finally got a goalie. Tired as we were me and Javon led the team him keeping things calm while I directed the plays. Everytime it seemed that the other team would score, Javon would just grab it and casually toss it back up to one of us. We ended up winning the game with a score of 4-1, but I will remember it was the game when 3 young men were will ing to take on a team of 7-8 by themselves. Oh yeah we had 4 from our team there, 5 were gone. You do the math. Everyone who played had a kickass time and we really did have fun. So Im not complaining. Plus it game me a chance to remember my love for hockey. Thus when the puck drops this saturday, assuming my eyes are okay, I will be right there to take it. And by god, we will win.
Any questions please type a response. I had fun writing this but must go and groom myself cause I gotta leave for the doctors a like 1 hour. Alright thanks for reading, and thanks to Courtney for reminding me to write in this thing. HAve a good, Day, Week, Month, or year depending on the next time I see you. Bye.
Well lets see, things that have been going on... Oakwoods about to start up again. YEAH! Thats good, and the only thing that could make it better would be me being healthy for it. For those of you who do not know, my eyes have gone down the shitter for the most part and now I can barely see. My eyes are one thing I need too. I need them for work, for school, and for hundresds if not thousands of other things. I think Im going to the doctors to have them see my eyes today and hopefully they will tell me something useful about them. I have a dream though of having good vision and maybe I can mnake it so with laser eye surgery. Maybe? Im almost 18 and so I could get it done then and it would only cost me like 1000 bucks, and while expensive, I would not have to worry about contacts anymore. I mean I would need reading glasses every now and again but hell I can deal with those. I dunno, it would be nice to be able to see though.
Some other things that have been going on, is my friendship with Lynette. But where to start with that. Almost a year ago (this July 5th) I met her and things have been crazy ever since. (aren't they always with me?) Well, I have gone through a crazy friendship with her, much as I like to call it a rollercoaster friendship because we had really high highs (such as our 1 on 1 covos which lasted for hours upon hours) and our really low Lows (such as yelling at each other outside of Denny's) But on thing remained though no matter how many times things got outa hand. An admiration for each other. At the time we met I was trying desperatly to get over a certain someone known to many who I txt as RM. Lynette was purdy and I had a crush on her, so why not? I was told that I was being foolish and was told not to try for her, but Im James, so am I going to listen to caution? FUCK NO! Well, we became friends, though maybe not as much as I wanted to and wrote letters (beingt hat she could not get phone calls or visits) and even snuck into her backyard to talk with her even after an hour long conversation with her mother in which I had to keep very still and very quiet under a desk. But we remained friends and I tried to help her, while still trying to be with someone who did not want me in that way. Eventually though a letter I wrote somehow made her angry and she responded with one of her own, and I responded with an 8 page letter that got me in trouble some more. The letters stopped and the friendship seemed to die. Months later being bored I decided to visit her and see how she was. I had been meaning to for a while, but had never made the time to. I did meet ehr and talked again with one of my old best friends and I kept things as plutonic as they would go. We had fun, but time passed and she had to leave like 3 hours after my visit. A few days later we met again, and went to the mall having a good day which later I would remember for getting a speed ticket that night, and I began having a crush on her again after months before promising to never let that happen again. Well, promises were sometimes meant to be broken, and old habits often die hard. A wise person once told me, "You like someone for a reason, no matter how many years of girlfriends you have in those years, that attraction will always be there, and thus you will always like that person." Simple, but perhaps complex being that it came from Tom. Tom who helped me when it seemed no one else could. The attraction grew and things became more complex then ever before. I threw aside my promise and pursued her and it seemed like she liked me also. That all changed one night when Lynette spent the night at a firends house. She had told me that she was most likely going to drink and whenever that happens I will always protect her and make sure she doesnt over drink. She ahs once when I went to MT and was unable to help her, so I have sworn never t let her again. Kinda like being a guardian angel which will come back in the story later on. Well, I went with her and met a few of her friends, and her friends friends, whom I had already met before in the past, and one of them from Manteca High recognized me even though I had never met her before. Hmmmm, U look familier, maybe I just have one of those faces. Too bad we later determined it was from when I tried to sneak into the senior panoramic at Manteca High... hee hee. Former sins follow us all. Well, time went by and I protected her and tried to make a few moves, and got closer, but... Well everyone seemed to think that we were a couple, which is what I kinda wanted, but at the same time, I guess Lynette was kinda sick of people saying it or something so that didnt work out too well. The night ended and Lynette was angry at me (I know she was cuz we didnt talk for like the last hour) and by the end I just kinda left unsatisfied. Got kinda sad myself, but didnt let it hurt me. Next day had a blast at the job fair only to come home and be told that Lynette got angry at me for kinda acting like we were in a couple and so I got angry again and realized... ITS THE SAME DAMNED RELATIONSHIP/FRIENDSHIP WE HAD BEFORE!!! Well, when that happened I got angry... at her, at myself, and at everyone and everything around me. Later called, bad stuff, told her everything about me liking her and stuff, and that ended badly, well that night it eneded badly. My macho fasade was begining to crack and I could talk without my voice cracking and eyes watering, but tried to go on with my day anyways. I got worse up to the game that night, and after getting my ass handed to me then I broke down. Got really angry and even through a chair or two started crying and didnt stopo untill several hours later. The nect day I felt better though and really havent talk too much about the incident ever since. But like what Im saying is that things have always been crazy with Lynette because I loved her, and perhaps (this is a James Felt original quote btw) "You can only know true love, when you've been truely hurt by IT" But well, I've always kinda loved her and like I figure that If I truely love her, then I have to know how much I do. A partial love would want her only enough to have her, but someone who truely loved her would know when to keep their distance, and thus because I love her I'm going to stand by her as a firend, and nothing more. That is the mark of love in my book. I will always be there for her and will protect her no matter what come against her, but will hold back how I feel because I know that partial love in beyond me. If that doesnt make sense to people, then Im not sure I can make it make sense. Love, Loss, and Live. Once you've done all three perhaps what I say will make some sense. Well, I started thinking once I decided how much I loved her and though, Hmmm God has always tried to work through me when I was younger, so maybe this is his work.
GOD: Hey Gabrielle, who is #1 on the blasphemer's list?
Gabrielle: Well it appears to be a 17 yeal old boy by the name of Felt. James Felt-
GOD: WHAT?! A 17 year old has done more blasphemy then even some 70 year olds!? Impossible! Well, I have a special assignment for this boy. He is to help a girl who will need his help and do my work through him.
Gabrielle: What makes you think that he will comply? I mean he does use a LOT of blasphemy...
GOD: I will make him attractted to this girl and through that attraction he will stay near and I will give him patience to be reckoned with so that he will continue to stay by her side... much like a gurdian angel.
-And thus James and Lynette's Frienship(s) started. And thus they will stay...
I feel really bad about many things, such as not speaking to Jorge and Courtney, and Joe, and KD, and many others who I have just not been in contact with. I have very few good reasons for this other than I have been hurt in the eye and been unable to find time to see people between work and school and injuries. Sorry though I really wish that I could... Hmmm. OH yeah! Last Saturday, was a game, a game that I will not soon forget! See, I had supposedly given up playing hockey. It was no longer fun and I was shitty, plus I had had a bad night (refer to upper paragraph) and thus I had quit. Just like that. Well, it appeared that during prom as well as other things going on that much of the team would not make it to the game. I got there, Javon got there, and TRavis got there. We waited, and no one else arrived... Bryan's dad showed up and like we even asked him to play, but we had 2 forewards (goal scorers!) and 1 defender. No goalie. Not even a full line. We needed at least 4 to not forfeit, and we were still about to play with only 3 and no goalie, but a few secodns before they dropped the puck a 4th member showed up. Mark Kahn. One whom I had constantly made fun of and been insulted by, but at the time he looked like a godsent angel. We had 4 players but no goalie... The game began... After winning a face off, we took the puck to their side and a few minutes later... we scored... I was like... WHAT?! A few minutes more, and we scored again. we had 4 players at the time with no goalie, and were up in a game 2-0. BTW with only 4 on the line, we had no subs and the only rest we got was in between the puck dropping. It was then that we got our fifth man for our line, some crappy player, but he still helped us out. The other team got a shot on an empty net and scored and it was 2-1 we did not let them have us like that for long though and so we scored our third goal. 3-1 by the end of the 1st period and it was then that we finally got a goalie. Tired as we were me and Javon led the team him keeping things calm while I directed the plays. Everytime it seemed that the other team would score, Javon would just grab it and casually toss it back up to one of us. We ended up winning the game with a score of 4-1, but I will remember it was the game when 3 young men were will ing to take on a team of 7-8 by themselves. Oh yeah we had 4 from our team there, 5 were gone. You do the math. Everyone who played had a kickass time and we really did have fun. So Im not complaining. Plus it game me a chance to remember my love for hockey. Thus when the puck drops this saturday, assuming my eyes are okay, I will be right there to take it. And by god, we will win.
Any questions please type a response. I had fun writing this but must go and groom myself cause I gotta leave for the doctors a like 1 hour. Alright thanks for reading, and thanks to Courtney for reminding me to write in this thing. HAve a good, Day, Week, Month, or year depending on the next time I see you. Bye.