gig 'em george! ppsshh
So Raul said he wanted to spice up livejournal, so I figured I'd write what's been on my mind lately. It's almost 4:30 in the morning and I'm awake. It's not because I'm not sleepy but because I have a lot on my mind.
I went to Austin this past weekend and I loved it. I loved the atmosphere, the people, and the weirdness about it. I can definately see myself living there. At this point I don't know what my plan is or where I'll be going to school next year. I hate feeling so uncertain, but that seems to be what my life has been about recently. Uncertain about what shcool I want to go to , uncertain about what I want to major in, uncertain about some emotional feelings, and just uncertain of who I am. It surely is getting the best of me. I can never make up my mind about anything...but honestly I think it makes my life just a little more interesting. I like to take things by the moment...I guess I should start looking ahead and start making plans once in a while. The smart thing for me to have done would've been to go to SA for a year and then UT my sophomore year. But NO, i wanted to go to A&M. So I did...just to realize that it's not the place for me. It's a cult I'm not a part of...and a cult i DON'T want to be a part of. When I was younger I pictued myself going away to college...in a big city...all alone and having to make new friends. I did the complete opposite. Went to a comfortable college in the middle of nowhere with all of my best friends.
Sure A&M is a good college...and sure I'm loving the time spent with my friends...I just feel like I need to get away. Grow up. Be on my own. I live 7 hours away from home...yet I still crave independence. Strange.
In all honesty, a lot of things about A&M makes me sick to my stomach...and I feel guilty bad mouthing the school I attend...but it's not like i'm actually a real "aggie". I felt like I got accepted for a reason...so I came. I'm still sitting here trying to figure out what that reason could be. Maybe so I could see how many ignorant conservative people there are in this world? Coming to A&M was surely a culture shock in that aspect. I haven't met half as many people as I'd hoped I would have met by now. It's not because I haven't tried...it's mostly because they're not my type of people. A good example comes to mind... I've told this story a couple of times and it still gets me angry every time I say it. I'm sitting in lab and I met this cool girl. I thought to myself "whoah? a cool girl here at a&m?" Towards the end of lab she starts talking about proposition two and how she's upset that she couldn't vote. Turns out she was voting for it and her reason was "I hate gay people, they need to get the hell out of texas and go to california or somethin" I can't even begin to describe how upset that got me. EEERRR. Anyway. I should really stop complaining now. I'm starting to become really bitter about my school and I'm actually starting to hate it. I want to enjoy the rest of the year here and make the best of it. I would surely hate to see it go to waste. I apologize if any "aggies" got offended by this entry. The sad part is I had to stop myself from writing more.
I'm going to apply to UT, St. Ed's, and Texas State. Let's hope for the best....because I surely need to make some changes in my life.
I went to Austin this past weekend and I loved it. I loved the atmosphere, the people, and the weirdness about it. I can definately see myself living there. At this point I don't know what my plan is or where I'll be going to school next year. I hate feeling so uncertain, but that seems to be what my life has been about recently. Uncertain about what shcool I want to go to , uncertain about what I want to major in, uncertain about some emotional feelings, and just uncertain of who I am. It surely is getting the best of me. I can never make up my mind about anything...but honestly I think it makes my life just a little more interesting. I like to take things by the moment...I guess I should start looking ahead and start making plans once in a while. The smart thing for me to have done would've been to go to SA for a year and then UT my sophomore year. But NO, i wanted to go to A&M. So I did...just to realize that it's not the place for me. It's a cult I'm not a part of...and a cult i DON'T want to be a part of. When I was younger I pictued myself going away to college...in a big city...all alone and having to make new friends. I did the complete opposite. Went to a comfortable college in the middle of nowhere with all of my best friends.
Sure A&M is a good college...and sure I'm loving the time spent with my friends...I just feel like I need to get away. Grow up. Be on my own. I live 7 hours away from home...yet I still crave independence. Strange.
In all honesty, a lot of things about A&M makes me sick to my stomach...and I feel guilty bad mouthing the school I attend...but it's not like i'm actually a real "aggie". I felt like I got accepted for a reason...so I came. I'm still sitting here trying to figure out what that reason could be. Maybe so I could see how many ignorant conservative people there are in this world? Coming to A&M was surely a culture shock in that aspect. I haven't met half as many people as I'd hoped I would have met by now. It's not because I haven't tried...it's mostly because they're not my type of people. A good example comes to mind... I've told this story a couple of times and it still gets me angry every time I say it. I'm sitting in lab and I met this cool girl. I thought to myself "whoah? a cool girl here at a&m?" Towards the end of lab she starts talking about proposition two and how she's upset that she couldn't vote. Turns out she was voting for it and her reason was "I hate gay people, they need to get the hell out of texas and go to california or somethin" I can't even begin to describe how upset that got me. EEERRR. Anyway. I should really stop complaining now. I'm starting to become really bitter about my school and I'm actually starting to hate it. I want to enjoy the rest of the year here and make the best of it. I would surely hate to see it go to waste. I apologize if any "aggies" got offended by this entry. The sad part is I had to stop myself from writing more.
I'm going to apply to UT, St. Ed's, and Texas State. Let's hope for the best....because I surely need to make some changes in my life.