Considerations on the 5
Today was supposed to be worse than yesterday according Google weather, but when I woke up, I felt my temperature at harmony with nature's. I went through my morning routine (brushed, flossed, and rinsed my teeth, went back to bed and read fifty pages or so) and while I was feeling so good, I decided to do my dishes. I'm leaving on Monday, and I ( Read more... )
I had a similar experience last week, in the grocery store. My mom was throwing something away outside so it was my duty to get the shopping cart. As I walked in I noticed an older Hispanic man who looked like he'd been doing construction on the new bank just across the way. He stood a few feet in the store, almost in the center of the doorway. I noticed him kind of leering at me and just ignored him lest he try to talk to me or get closer. I went to pull out a shopping cart and it seemed like he'd moved a little closer to me, so I tried to get the shopping cart out without moving anymore, and ran over one of my toes as a result. I pushed the cart away from him and into the rest of the store, turning a corner so he wouldn't be able to see me (I didn't want to think that he'd been watching me walk away, either), and waited for my mom. I felt like an object, and while I know I'm not, it still made me feel dirty or bad.
Same grocery store, a week or so earlier...another construction worker and his buddy were cruising down the aisles. I was looking for some lotion and comparing different ones when I first noticed them looking at me as they came down my aisle. I ignored them, and they went on, but out of the corner of my eye I could see them turn back and look and me and say something to each other. I was still in basically the same place a couple minutes later (I don't do well with too many choices!), and one of the men comes back down the aisle towards me, looks at me and says "Hello," so I don't look up and I just say "Hi" back cause I didn't want to make him mad by not responding. Thankfully, he kept walking and I didn't see him or the other man again, because he made me very uncomfortable.
That's not to say I have something against construction workers (my ex was one a couple summers ago, though it was more of a backup job), because even more 'respectable' men will leer and make me feel uncomfortable. I don't mind being looked at appreciatively, like 'Wow, she's beautiful', but I can't stand being eyed like a cheap bon-bon...you know, that kind of hungry, I-just-want-to-look-at-you-so-I-can-remember-you-later-when-I'm-alone look. That kind of look just lowers your self-esteem, it makes you think even in a small way that maybe that's the best you'll be able to get, some skanky slimeball, even when it's not true. And it's not like you can really even say anything back to them when they look at you like that, because what if they're dangerous? I think a lot of it is a power thing, they want to feel like big, strong men and to do that they try to intimidate women.
Sorry that was so long! And I'm sorry you had such a rotten experience.
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