(no subject)
as the night goes on i get more and more bitter about this fucking job. if i would just get off my fat lazy ass then i could probably find another job. oh well. i'll be here till 6 in the morning waiting for harley to finish his side work. whats new. thank god he isn't closing tomorrow. as a person he is great but he is slow as molases when he works. but b/c he is rusty's smoking buddy he defends everything he does. it's great that rusty is on professional when it comes to working. i get yelled at for stupid shit like chicken fingers but whenever i complain about things that really need attention, rusty rebutals everything i say. yesterday at work him and harley were extra buddy buddy. i think rusty tries to make it a point to say shit about me b/c he thinks i'm too hard on harley. what the fuck ever. last night he called harley behind the bar to help him make drinks instead of asking me who was standing there too. harley isn't suppost to be behind the bar b/c he isn't a manager or bartender. where as i am and am allowed to came help if need be even when i'm not mananging. rusty is doing this " in your face kinda bullshit " b/c he acts like he is in middle school. i really can't stant the men who work here. last week i had mule try to fuck me and now i have the rest of the treating me like a piece of shit b/c i try to do things the way the should be done. but if its one of the "special" people that the rules don't apply to then it really doesn't matter what i think. funny how most the "special" people are men. hmmm. this place is turning me into a great big feminist. i think i'll major in womens studies instead of nursing. then all the men can hate me. it's great how whenever a woman has a strong personality that she is a bitch, but when men are strong they are considered leaders. i'm really getting bitter. i need to move on with my life so i don't spend everyday pissed off. i'm getting to the point that i drink all the time and i don't want to spend my life like that. i guess i'm just so down about the way things are going that i drink all the time. i have been able to control how much i drink, so i guess thats good that i can drink in moderation. this is such bullshit.i need to stop complaining and do something about it. i'm just affraid i won't make enough money if i get another job. from now on i'm going to come to work do my job and leave. i'm not going to socialize with the people i thought were friends anymore. i'm not going to give my opinion on anything b/c i realize it doesn't count. and i'm not going to address anything that needs attention b/c that just makes me a bitch. hopefully when i start school i will feel better about my crappy life. i'm happy to have friends and family and of course bren, but when you are unhappy with yourself as a person then it kinda makes everything else not matter as much.