"I hate the way I dont hate you not even close. not even a little bit. not even at all. "
Somtimes i cant even begin to explain what i was thinking. I really need to learn to think before i act, its really starting to take a toll on me. everything crumbling and falling apart; isn't helping either. i guess i was just meant to be alone. i miss him so much. and its so hard on me. i know that im stupid but it comes to a point in your life were you can only deal with so much, at the time it made sense...i dont know- i wasnt trying to be selfish. i thought if it would be easier i wouldnt have to worry about hurting his feelings. but i did. i hurt his feelings so bad i hurt my own. somtimes i dont even know how to react to things anymore- should i be mad and blow up like i usually do...or just let it go...i dont try and mess things up i dont try and hurt people...it just happends and i dont mean it too fate always just seems to put more shit on my pile than i can handle..and its so hard family,friends,newschool,newfriends,newpeople,schoolwork,COLLEGE?,everything a serious relationship was just scary because i didnt want it to fall apart i didnt want to get hurt and i did...i fucked it up like usual ugh.....and i cant believe i would ever do that to someone like him, who treated me so well-i guess i deserve this.
"One day your life will change and all your memories willl fade away and all you have left is the faded pictures, then your gonna realize that you have wasted all your life on nothing..."
i never thought i could relate to that quote.
