its almost all be taken away
How do you live up to everyone's expectations? School? Parents? friends? how do i keep up with what everyone wants out of me when i cant get what i want out of me. I just feel that people demand so much out of me that i dont have time to be me and live my life the way i want to. people wonder why i get depressed sometimes. its just comes down to the fact that with certain people i feel that i dish out so much more than i get back. and i know its greater to give then receive but how much love and attention am i supposed to dish out when you only get shit rubbed right back in my face. and baby this isnt about ur THE only thing in my life keeping me sane right now your the only thing that isnt repremanding me for every little thing that i do wrong instead of looking at all the things that i do right. some times i just wish that i can just take a boat jump in it and sail away just for a lil while so i can concentrate on my needs and what i want and not what everyone else wants out of me. i just feel like i am wearing down and im starting to wear very thin and sooner or later there is going to be nothing left. i want to sail away to an island and lay on the beach and drink pina coladas all day and focus on my goals and how im going to reach them rather then how everyone else wants me to live my life. i want summer to come so bad. i wanna get back to work so i can actually fill my car up with gas and fill the whole that was burned in my pocket. i wanna lay out on the beach and fill my body with sun rays. and i just wanna jump in the pool and teach my class again and just focus on the only thing that has always been there for me... swimming... and it sucks cause i cant even do that right now. I cant do nething i want i have to jump over ten barriers before i can get there and then to just have whatever i wanted taken away from me neways cause apparently i didnt work hard enough for it or im not good enough for it or i just dont deserve it because my brother should have it and it should just be handed to him or neone else and taken away at anyones say. once again bryan i am NOT talking about u. life just sucks sometimes.... i just hope someday i can swim again. i just wanna cut the damn wrist off just to stop the fucking pain. but there is still more and im supposed to sit here and wait it out.
~*Cait*~
~*Cait*~