wow...its been awhile
so A LOT has happened since the last post...spent the winter break in greece. my family there rocks, except for my crochety grandfather who is acting stranger and stranger. came back and was incredibly sad as well as incredibely jet lagged for the longest time. it was weird since it was the first time i've had a problem with jet lag. normally im fine. went up to delphi while i was there except the ruins were closed because we went up the day after xmas. by the way...not a big xmas fan, mostly because of the crowds of people shopping. but athens was so gorgeous in the winter, with all the lights and zaharopolis...sugartown...yummy creme brulee! got a pair of italian leather bottas and some sweatshirts from the twins...and tons of jewelry from giagia..along with some underwear that was too large for her, but she wanted me to have...hahahahahahaha...that one cracks me up! went to the equivalent of FAO schwartz and bought some authentic olympic gear for all the cousins...but couldnt get dan anything cuz the store closed...this was right after i decided i was going to get him something after all...ughhh...
came back monday before school started and slept only like three hours and was up for class at 7 am. not even kidding about how bad the jet lag was. so now my question is this...everytime i come back from greece, i suffer the most HORRIBLE homesickness ever. i have never ever experienced anything close to it at any other time..not even when i moved out and came to live with grandma in san jose. does this mean that greece is my true home because i go through such a horrible time when i leave it...or does it just make me incapable of being happy with where im at? i wish i could say for sure. i know that greece isnt this wonderful picture perfect place. there's that chauvinistic attitude and a real fear of anything out of the ordinary unless its trying to be cool. and i know that it would be so incredibily difficult for me to find a job there as a marine biologist. but i also know that i enjoy the atmosphere, the food, the rude honesty of the people. but i think the smart thing to do would be to visit for a longer time and hang out with other people my own age before i decide that im completely and hopelessly in love with greece. i would like to live there for awhile, maybe with my mom. but we'll have to see how that works.
ok...so i came back and went through the first week of school and then broke up with dan...i just couldnt handle it anymore...so goddamn needy...plus i could no longer bear the thought of him touching me in anyway...it was horrible at the airport when he came to pick me up...a very perfunctory kiss and that was it...i didnt want him anywhere near me. so i broke up with him, and he was such a baby about it...blubbering and crying all over the place..didnt want to let me go when we were done talking. ugh...what a mess, but i realized over the break that i didnt miss him at all. i also spent quite a bit of time talking it over with vangelis....i just started to feel too claustrophobic...always having to give him some sort of emotional response when he did something nice for me....like a fucking puppy looking for treats. yuck. and now it has been over a month since we broke up and its been great...except for the part where i redeveloped or unearthed my crush on J. i apologized to him one nite for the way i treated him last year, and he apologized, albeit lamely, for having made fun of me at the camping trip last year at big sur. and now all of a sudden i find myself wanting to tag after him like a lost little puppy, and worst of all, i can see myself doing it, but i cant stop it...its horrible. and i cant figure out if these feelings have popped up because im hitting that lonely spot after a break up or whether i never really stopped liking him. its a sad state of affairs when i cant figure out how i feel about someone...usually im pretty clear about whether i like them or not. and worst of all, even if these feelings are real, i cant do anything about it. cant and wont do anything. i promised myself 2 months without a guy and while it is coming up on that time limit, i will (hopefully) be leaving for Australia this summer(yeah, i got accepted to the EAP program, which brings up a whole other host of problems, but more on that later) and i dont want to start something up with him only to end it when school ends, like T did to him last year. ARGGGHHH, why is shit like this so complicated?
came back monday before school started and slept only like three hours and was up for class at 7 am. not even kidding about how bad the jet lag was. so now my question is this...everytime i come back from greece, i suffer the most HORRIBLE homesickness ever. i have never ever experienced anything close to it at any other time..not even when i moved out and came to live with grandma in san jose. does this mean that greece is my true home because i go through such a horrible time when i leave it...or does it just make me incapable of being happy with where im at? i wish i could say for sure. i know that greece isnt this wonderful picture perfect place. there's that chauvinistic attitude and a real fear of anything out of the ordinary unless its trying to be cool. and i know that it would be so incredibily difficult for me to find a job there as a marine biologist. but i also know that i enjoy the atmosphere, the food, the rude honesty of the people. but i think the smart thing to do would be to visit for a longer time and hang out with other people my own age before i decide that im completely and hopelessly in love with greece. i would like to live there for awhile, maybe with my mom. but we'll have to see how that works.
ok...so i came back and went through the first week of school and then broke up with dan...i just couldnt handle it anymore...so goddamn needy...plus i could no longer bear the thought of him touching me in anyway...it was horrible at the airport when he came to pick me up...a very perfunctory kiss and that was it...i didnt want him anywhere near me. so i broke up with him, and he was such a baby about it...blubbering and crying all over the place..didnt want to let me go when we were done talking. ugh...what a mess, but i realized over the break that i didnt miss him at all. i also spent quite a bit of time talking it over with vangelis....i just started to feel too claustrophobic...always having to give him some sort of emotional response when he did something nice for me....like a fucking puppy looking for treats. yuck. and now it has been over a month since we broke up and its been great...except for the part where i redeveloped or unearthed my crush on J. i apologized to him one nite for the way i treated him last year, and he apologized, albeit lamely, for having made fun of me at the camping trip last year at big sur. and now all of a sudden i find myself wanting to tag after him like a lost little puppy, and worst of all, i can see myself doing it, but i cant stop it...its horrible. and i cant figure out if these feelings have popped up because im hitting that lonely spot after a break up or whether i never really stopped liking him. its a sad state of affairs when i cant figure out how i feel about someone...usually im pretty clear about whether i like them or not. and worst of all, even if these feelings are real, i cant do anything about it. cant and wont do anything. i promised myself 2 months without a guy and while it is coming up on that time limit, i will (hopefully) be leaving for Australia this summer(yeah, i got accepted to the EAP program, which brings up a whole other host of problems, but more on that later) and i dont want to start something up with him only to end it when school ends, like T did to him last year. ARGGGHHH, why is shit like this so complicated?