The Desire to Numb Out
The desire to numb out is strong with this one. I don't want to feel things anymore. I don't want to feel pain, have upsets, feel anxiety so strong that it chokes me and I have chest pains even through my medication. Why can there not be a middle way between numb depression and feeling...too much?
I thought everything would be going back to the usual routine after the meeting, or close enough. I was wrong, and now everything is so much worse. I just want to give up, and go hide where I know I am safe. Safely away from people, from normal people, who are never going to accept people like me. I wish I could, but I cannot. I'm trapped in this hell that is going to meetings with normal people and that is somehow supposed to help me. I do not see how. Good Goddess, I'm totally fucked.
I thought everything would be going back to the usual routine after the meeting, or close enough. I was wrong, and now everything is so much worse. I just want to give up, and go hide where I know I am safe. Safely away from people, from normal people, who are never going to accept people like me. I wish I could, but I cannot. I'm trapped in this hell that is going to meetings with normal people and that is somehow supposed to help me. I do not see how. Good Goddess, I'm totally fucked.