All in the Day's Work - an Urban Legends short.
Because I have some time to write today, I decided to jot down another idea that's been bouncing in my head. It's set in the same continuity as the other "Urban Legends" stories. And, as always, comments and criticism are very much encouraged.
All in the Day's Work
You think you have a stressful job? You think you have bad deadlines? You have no idea. You have no idea at all.
It goes like this. Most of the day, I get paid to sit around and goof off. But at least once a week, I get a call from the Office of Special Events. That's code for guys and girls the City of Chicago sends in whenever something magical happens. As soon as I get the call, I get off my ass and rush to the special room in the Cook County Morgue and wait until the body comes in.
Sumitra Malik, my boss and one of the most powerful combat mages in the whole city, explained it like this. Magic is about overpowering reality with belief. So if, say, enough people believe in vampires, people can become vampires. They become living manifestations of that collective belief. They can do all the vampire-stye things. So he can, for example, bite a person and drink blood. But once the vampire walks away, the conduit isn't there anymore, and the reality rushes in to "correct" itself. Since vampires can't really exist, all the signs that they were there vanish. Bite marks become scratches or animal bites. If a vampire gets staked, same deal - the pointy teeth, blood in the stomach and all the other signs of vampirism vanish. By the time the body gets to the regular morgue, even the best mortician wouldn't notice anything supernatural.
This is where I come on. When OSE needs to process evidence, they need to process it fast. So when the body comes in, you bet your sweet ass I'm ready to do the autopsy.
I know about magic, so I can slow the reality down - a little. And that's assuming that there's only one body. If they have two, or, God forbid, more than free, than I have to prioritize. I pick a body, work on it as fast as I can and move on to the next one.
Sometimes, I am not fast enough. Sometimes, evidence vanishes before I can get anything useful. Sumitra is never happy to hear it, but she doesn't blame me. That's just how magic works.
I used to have an assistant. Pretty young thing - pretty, but clever. She lived for this magic stuff. But when the economy went down the crapper, everybody's budget got cut. You'd think that the Daley's pet program would be spared, but no. Everybody has to make sacrifices - even the shmucks who have to deal with Things That Go Bump In the Night.
I do my best. I work my ass off. Reality may not give me enough time, but I'd be damned if I waste a second.
When reality reasserts itself, I pass the body on to the regular morgue. The guys upstairs write their own reports about how the stiff died of natural causes, perfectly explainable natural causes. They'll have plenty of evidence to back it up.
All I have is Sumitra's mumbled thanks.
It's a thankless job. I don't mind. Somebody has to do it.
But if I hear another asshole on the 'L' complaining about how they have it so hard, I swear to God - I will hurt somebody.
2011 (c) strannik01
All in the Day's Work
You think you have a stressful job? You think you have bad deadlines? You have no idea. You have no idea at all.
It goes like this. Most of the day, I get paid to sit around and goof off. But at least once a week, I get a call from the Office of Special Events. That's code for guys and girls the City of Chicago sends in whenever something magical happens. As soon as I get the call, I get off my ass and rush to the special room in the Cook County Morgue and wait until the body comes in.
Sumitra Malik, my boss and one of the most powerful combat mages in the whole city, explained it like this. Magic is about overpowering reality with belief. So if, say, enough people believe in vampires, people can become vampires. They become living manifestations of that collective belief. They can do all the vampire-stye things. So he can, for example, bite a person and drink blood. But once the vampire walks away, the conduit isn't there anymore, and the reality rushes in to "correct" itself. Since vampires can't really exist, all the signs that they were there vanish. Bite marks become scratches or animal bites. If a vampire gets staked, same deal - the pointy teeth, blood in the stomach and all the other signs of vampirism vanish. By the time the body gets to the regular morgue, even the best mortician wouldn't notice anything supernatural.
This is where I come on. When OSE needs to process evidence, they need to process it fast. So when the body comes in, you bet your sweet ass I'm ready to do the autopsy.
I know about magic, so I can slow the reality down - a little. And that's assuming that there's only one body. If they have two, or, God forbid, more than free, than I have to prioritize. I pick a body, work on it as fast as I can and move on to the next one.
Sometimes, I am not fast enough. Sometimes, evidence vanishes before I can get anything useful. Sumitra is never happy to hear it, but she doesn't blame me. That's just how magic works.
I used to have an assistant. Pretty young thing - pretty, but clever. She lived for this magic stuff. But when the economy went down the crapper, everybody's budget got cut. You'd think that the Daley's pet program would be spared, but no. Everybody has to make sacrifices - even the shmucks who have to deal with Things That Go Bump In the Night.
I do my best. I work my ass off. Reality may not give me enough time, but I'd be damned if I waste a second.
When reality reasserts itself, I pass the body on to the regular morgue. The guys upstairs write their own reports about how the stiff died of natural causes, perfectly explainable natural causes. They'll have plenty of evidence to back it up.
All I have is Sumitra's mumbled thanks.
It's a thankless job. I don't mind. Somebody has to do it.
But if I hear another asshole on the 'L' complaining about how they have it so hard, I swear to God - I will hurt somebody.
2011 (c) strannik01