d-i-v-o-r-c-e. find out what it means to me.
so far two thousand nine has been the worst year for me in my entire life. to kick off the new year i got arrested. then in april i get baker acted and i didn't just get baker acted;
on april twenty first two thousand nine i got baker acted because the assholes at wekiva springs thought i was homicidal. i was held imprisonment for about five hours until i decided that i was not going to deal with this stupid shit. i took a chair that was in my room and broke the window and jumped out and escaped. that part was kinda funny when i look back at it because the chair had broke and i was using the chair leg to break the window. for some reason the orderlies weren't trying to stop me and i stopped to think: if i don't get this glass broken and i escape they're going to come and put me in restraints and drug me. so i stopped for a second and remembered a scene from the shawshank redemption when the main character was making his escape from prison. i remembered what he did and i did the same. i took the chair leg, held it firmly and straight and hit the glass with the same force at the same spot. then just like that. one, two, three the glass was broken and out of the way.
i must've blacked out for a second or two because i don't remember jumping through the window. i remember being on the other side with glass on the ground and thinking it was a good idea that i didn't try to get comfortable and take off my shoes while i was there. i looked up and saw a wooden privacy fence. i quickly ran and jumped it and ran some more.
i tried my best to run as far as i could but my asthma was killing me. i tried hitching a ride but all the cars kept speeding up. so i ran into a business park and begged this woman for a ride. i scared her because i had blood all over my arms from the broken glass. she brought me inside this business building and the people there let me use the phone. i called kaycee and begged her to come and pick me up. the problem was that kaycee had no gasoline in her car so she couldn't pick me up. so she called her mom to pick me up and her mom stupidly called my cell phone which my mom had. then my mom found out where i was and called the police.
while i was sitting in that business waiting for kaycee, one of the people who worked there was like 'are you wanted by jso?'. i said no and he said 'well, there a cop right out side'. just then i knew i was fucked. there was no way that i could run then. my asthma was really acting up and i could barely breath.
so the officer came in and wrote down my information and called an ambulance for my cuts. the ambulance came by with their siren on. about five different medics came in to look at my arms that had a few small cuts on them. they took my blood pressure and put bandages on my arms and then left.
as the cop was walking me out to his patrol car my parents drove up. they were all worried instead of being pissed at me. thankfully the cop wasn't a total asshole. he was actually kind of cute and he didn't put handcuffs on me.
in the patrol car i asked the cop if he was taking me back to the mental hospital and he said he was taking me to baptist hospital for my wounds. on the ride there i asked him if he could show me my mugshot on his laptop and he did and i look horrible as a bleach blond.
at the hospital i went straight to the emergency ward. i was admitted with a little wristband and then left on a bed in a hallway. the cop stayed with me until my parents got there. apparently i was supposed to have somebody watching me to make sure i didn't run away again.
i was in the emergency room from about six in the afternoon until a little past two in the morning. they took my blood and a urine sample and gave me a tetanus shot and some medication for my asthma. since i ran away from the mental hospital i was in a perpetual asthma attack. when one of the nurses took my blood she left the needle in my arm. i wanted her to take it out not because it hurt because it didn't, i wanted it out because i couldn't move my arm and it was annoying. she and the doctor kept trying to convince me to leave it there so i could have some pain medication when they do the stitches but i didn't want any because i didn't want to deal with the side effects. i was already in pain because i was starting to feel the glass in my arm and it wasn't that bad.
around midnight they finally put me in a room so they could do the stitches. by that time my parents left to go home and sleep. so the doctor came in and cleaned my wounds and gave me five or six stitches. after that i was back out in the hallway waiting for them to take me to their psych ward.
i was escorted to the psych ward in a wheelchair by two security guards. the night shift nurses in the psych ward were pretty nice. they let me back in my street clothes and let me go to my room with a snack and a magazine. by that time i just wanted to let go and cry since i hadn't done that all day but by that time i was just way too out of it to even cry. so i sat there in my hospital bed reading a magazine with mandy moore on the cover while eating animal crackers and enjoying the lovely view of the saint john's river and the fuller warren bridge. i never went to sleep.
the next day i saw the psychiatrist who took me off half of my medications and decided to make me stay there for five days but that counted the weekend so the five days actually meant a whole week. the psychiatrist asked me if i had any family from england. i said yes and asked why and he said that i had a slight british accent. weird.
for the whole week i was there i mostly stayed in my room trying to read. the first day i was there i didn't eat anything (i didn't eat anything the previous day) so that meant i hadn't eaten anything for two days and i was starting to feel faint. the nurses allowed my boyfriend and parents to bring me food. my parents and boyfriend visited me every day. i also got a visit from james and david. i didn't go to any of the group therapies and i didn't attempt to escape. the night that i was admitted to the psych ward i told the nurse what i did and she showed me one of the windows which someone else and attempted to break. it was a double plated window that was shatter proof. plus the psych ward i was in was on the second floor so it would be quite a challenge to escape that one. i was discharged on april twenty eighth two thousand nine and was free to go home.
a couple of days later i go to meet my therapist kinga. during my visit with her she basically tells me that she's sick of my behavior and says she can no longer help me. in other words, i got dumped by my therapist of three years.
during the week on may fourth i started my first days of school at fccj. on mondays and wednesdays i go to a photography class and on thurdays i go to an elementary algebra class. so far i like the photography and hate the math.
on june twenty first two thousand nine brad finally broke up with me and this began the most worst week so far out of this year. the break up was mostly his decision but the feeling was mutual. since last august our relationship had been slowly dying and now this was as far as it would go. this will be the first time since i was fifteen that i'll be single again.
also, june twenty first was father's day. i did not wish my father a happy father's day. why? because he's really been an asshole to me lately and i didn't think he deserved a happy father's day. so that night around ten i was in my room and i just turned on some light music to listen to when suddenly my dad rushes into my room slamming the door behind him and yelling at me to turn the music down. (now this was partly my fault since my parents had just got into bed for the night and i didn't realize how loud my music was but regardless of the problem, my dad was an asshole to me for no real reason). so instead of turning the music down i just turned it off since i hate listening to music through headphones. now that i turned off my music it seemed to piss him off even more and this time he threatened to hit me because i was somehow being a smart-ass.
as soon as he leaves my room and closes the door i get up and punch the wall a few times since i'm not allowed to punch him in the face. once he hears me punching the wall he rushes back into my room. he asked me if i was punching the wall and i said no and thankfully he was stupid enough to believe my lie. so he goes outside looking for maybe a burgler that made that sound which was me punching the wall. while my dad is outside investigating i grab my purse and get the fuck out. i drove around the airport a few times until i knew that both of my parents would be asleep by the time i got back.
on june twenty second, tuesday, two thousand nine. my father was gone for the day but i stayed the night at david's house to avoid him.
on june twenty third, wednesday, two thousand nine. i woke up at david's house around noon. i would've stayed asleep longer but i didn't feel all that comfortable at david's house for some reason. james accompanied me on my way back to my house. there was an asshole-cop driving around in my neighborhood and for some reason i went off in his radar. i pulled into my driveway and he pulled in right behind me. when the asshole came up to my window i was about two seconds away from punching him in his stupid law-enforcing face. i gave him my driver's licence and other shit and he was threatening to write me up on three separate tickets: one for speeding, one for not completely stopping at a stop sign and one for a broken tail light. i was so pissed off that i started punching the steering wheel. i punched it so hard that i broke the skin on most of my knuckles. when the cop came back up to my car was way too upset to even speak to the asshole so he went to the other side and talked to james. i was so upset that the asshole-cop called in another asshole-cop to help him with nothing. one asshole-cop stood on my side of the car while the first asshole-cop talked to james. i was screaming and crying because all the horrible shit always happens to me and i was too upset to listen but somehow james talked the asshole-cop out of writing me up on any of the three tickets. the two asshole-cops left and i was free.
later that day my mom had told me that she kicked my dad out of the house for the week so she could think and breathe. i asked her if she was going to get a divorce and she said she wasn't sure. so i went inside to take a shower and change while james and my mom went to the store to get me a new tail light.
around three o'clock i went to the european street cafe in riverside to finally meet my long-time on-line-friend, matt. matt and i had been talking to each other on-line since we were in high school. he lived in orange park and i lived in jacksonville (which is basically the same town) and we had never met. so we met at the cafe and had lunch. he paid for my meal (which i didn't expect) and then we walked around in universe of superheros comic book shop and then an antique store.
after my meet up with matt i went back home. once i got home i went with my mom to get a pedicure. i didn't really want one because it's kinda pointless to get my toe nails painted because they always get fucked up and no one notices them but my kinda wanted to bond with me so i got a pedicure. i got my right foot toe nails painted florescent orange and the toe nails on my left foot florescent yellow. the asian woman who was painting my toe nails thought i was being silly but i just didn't care.
after the pedicure we drove out to game over in fernandina to check out their movie selection. they were having a buy one get one free sale and we bought the entire harry potter series, episodes one through five.
june twenty sixth, firday, two thousand nine was my twenty third birthday. i got twenty dollars from my dad and another twenty from my mom's friend. since my parents had basically bought me all of my birthday presents in advance and gave them to me earlier when i needed them i wasn't really supposed to get any real presents but my mom can never let me have a birthday with no presents so for my twenty third birthday i got a beach towel and a package of wet ones. my mom really knows how to give random presents.
on april twenty first two thousand nine i got baker acted because the assholes at wekiva springs thought i was homicidal. i was held imprisonment for about five hours until i decided that i was not going to deal with this stupid shit. i took a chair that was in my room and broke the window and jumped out and escaped. that part was kinda funny when i look back at it because the chair had broke and i was using the chair leg to break the window. for some reason the orderlies weren't trying to stop me and i stopped to think: if i don't get this glass broken and i escape they're going to come and put me in restraints and drug me. so i stopped for a second and remembered a scene from the shawshank redemption when the main character was making his escape from prison. i remembered what he did and i did the same. i took the chair leg, held it firmly and straight and hit the glass with the same force at the same spot. then just like that. one, two, three the glass was broken and out of the way.
i must've blacked out for a second or two because i don't remember jumping through the window. i remember being on the other side with glass on the ground and thinking it was a good idea that i didn't try to get comfortable and take off my shoes while i was there. i looked up and saw a wooden privacy fence. i quickly ran and jumped it and ran some more.
i tried my best to run as far as i could but my asthma was killing me. i tried hitching a ride but all the cars kept speeding up. so i ran into a business park and begged this woman for a ride. i scared her because i had blood all over my arms from the broken glass. she brought me inside this business building and the people there let me use the phone. i called kaycee and begged her to come and pick me up. the problem was that kaycee had no gasoline in her car so she couldn't pick me up. so she called her mom to pick me up and her mom stupidly called my cell phone which my mom had. then my mom found out where i was and called the police.
while i was sitting in that business waiting for kaycee, one of the people who worked there was like 'are you wanted by jso?'. i said no and he said 'well, there a cop right out side'. just then i knew i was fucked. there was no way that i could run then. my asthma was really acting up and i could barely breath.
so the officer came in and wrote down my information and called an ambulance for my cuts. the ambulance came by with their siren on. about five different medics came in to look at my arms that had a few small cuts on them. they took my blood pressure and put bandages on my arms and then left.
as the cop was walking me out to his patrol car my parents drove up. they were all worried instead of being pissed at me. thankfully the cop wasn't a total asshole. he was actually kind of cute and he didn't put handcuffs on me.
in the patrol car i asked the cop if he was taking me back to the mental hospital and he said he was taking me to baptist hospital for my wounds. on the ride there i asked him if he could show me my mugshot on his laptop and he did and i look horrible as a bleach blond.
at the hospital i went straight to the emergency ward. i was admitted with a little wristband and then left on a bed in a hallway. the cop stayed with me until my parents got there. apparently i was supposed to have somebody watching me to make sure i didn't run away again.
i was in the emergency room from about six in the afternoon until a little past two in the morning. they took my blood and a urine sample and gave me a tetanus shot and some medication for my asthma. since i ran away from the mental hospital i was in a perpetual asthma attack. when one of the nurses took my blood she left the needle in my arm. i wanted her to take it out not because it hurt because it didn't, i wanted it out because i couldn't move my arm and it was annoying. she and the doctor kept trying to convince me to leave it there so i could have some pain medication when they do the stitches but i didn't want any because i didn't want to deal with the side effects. i was already in pain because i was starting to feel the glass in my arm and it wasn't that bad.
around midnight they finally put me in a room so they could do the stitches. by that time my parents left to go home and sleep. so the doctor came in and cleaned my wounds and gave me five or six stitches. after that i was back out in the hallway waiting for them to take me to their psych ward.
i was escorted to the psych ward in a wheelchair by two security guards. the night shift nurses in the psych ward were pretty nice. they let me back in my street clothes and let me go to my room with a snack and a magazine. by that time i just wanted to let go and cry since i hadn't done that all day but by that time i was just way too out of it to even cry. so i sat there in my hospital bed reading a magazine with mandy moore on the cover while eating animal crackers and enjoying the lovely view of the saint john's river and the fuller warren bridge. i never went to sleep.
the next day i saw the psychiatrist who took me off half of my medications and decided to make me stay there for five days but that counted the weekend so the five days actually meant a whole week. the psychiatrist asked me if i had any family from england. i said yes and asked why and he said that i had a slight british accent. weird.
for the whole week i was there i mostly stayed in my room trying to read. the first day i was there i didn't eat anything (i didn't eat anything the previous day) so that meant i hadn't eaten anything for two days and i was starting to feel faint. the nurses allowed my boyfriend and parents to bring me food. my parents and boyfriend visited me every day. i also got a visit from james and david. i didn't go to any of the group therapies and i didn't attempt to escape. the night that i was admitted to the psych ward i told the nurse what i did and she showed me one of the windows which someone else and attempted to break. it was a double plated window that was shatter proof. plus the psych ward i was in was on the second floor so it would be quite a challenge to escape that one. i was discharged on april twenty eighth two thousand nine and was free to go home.
a couple of days later i go to meet my therapist kinga. during my visit with her she basically tells me that she's sick of my behavior and says she can no longer help me. in other words, i got dumped by my therapist of three years.
during the week on may fourth i started my first days of school at fccj. on mondays and wednesdays i go to a photography class and on thurdays i go to an elementary algebra class. so far i like the photography and hate the math.
on june twenty first two thousand nine brad finally broke up with me and this began the most worst week so far out of this year. the break up was mostly his decision but the feeling was mutual. since last august our relationship had been slowly dying and now this was as far as it would go. this will be the first time since i was fifteen that i'll be single again.
also, june twenty first was father's day. i did not wish my father a happy father's day. why? because he's really been an asshole to me lately and i didn't think he deserved a happy father's day. so that night around ten i was in my room and i just turned on some light music to listen to when suddenly my dad rushes into my room slamming the door behind him and yelling at me to turn the music down. (now this was partly my fault since my parents had just got into bed for the night and i didn't realize how loud my music was but regardless of the problem, my dad was an asshole to me for no real reason). so instead of turning the music down i just turned it off since i hate listening to music through headphones. now that i turned off my music it seemed to piss him off even more and this time he threatened to hit me because i was somehow being a smart-ass.
as soon as he leaves my room and closes the door i get up and punch the wall a few times since i'm not allowed to punch him in the face. once he hears me punching the wall he rushes back into my room. he asked me if i was punching the wall and i said no and thankfully he was stupid enough to believe my lie. so he goes outside looking for maybe a burgler that made that sound which was me punching the wall. while my dad is outside investigating i grab my purse and get the fuck out. i drove around the airport a few times until i knew that both of my parents would be asleep by the time i got back.
on june twenty second, tuesday, two thousand nine. my father was gone for the day but i stayed the night at david's house to avoid him.
on june twenty third, wednesday, two thousand nine. i woke up at david's house around noon. i would've stayed asleep longer but i didn't feel all that comfortable at david's house for some reason. james accompanied me on my way back to my house. there was an asshole-cop driving around in my neighborhood and for some reason i went off in his radar. i pulled into my driveway and he pulled in right behind me. when the asshole came up to my window i was about two seconds away from punching him in his stupid law-enforcing face. i gave him my driver's licence and other shit and he was threatening to write me up on three separate tickets: one for speeding, one for not completely stopping at a stop sign and one for a broken tail light. i was so pissed off that i started punching the steering wheel. i punched it so hard that i broke the skin on most of my knuckles. when the cop came back up to my car was way too upset to even speak to the asshole so he went to the other side and talked to james. i was so upset that the asshole-cop called in another asshole-cop to help him with nothing. one asshole-cop stood on my side of the car while the first asshole-cop talked to james. i was screaming and crying because all the horrible shit always happens to me and i was too upset to listen but somehow james talked the asshole-cop out of writing me up on any of the three tickets. the two asshole-cops left and i was free.
later that day my mom had told me that she kicked my dad out of the house for the week so she could think and breathe. i asked her if she was going to get a divorce and she said she wasn't sure. so i went inside to take a shower and change while james and my mom went to the store to get me a new tail light.
around three o'clock i went to the european street cafe in riverside to finally meet my long-time on-line-friend, matt. matt and i had been talking to each other on-line since we were in high school. he lived in orange park and i lived in jacksonville (which is basically the same town) and we had never met. so we met at the cafe and had lunch. he paid for my meal (which i didn't expect) and then we walked around in universe of superheros comic book shop and then an antique store.
after my meet up with matt i went back home. once i got home i went with my mom to get a pedicure. i didn't really want one because it's kinda pointless to get my toe nails painted because they always get fucked up and no one notices them but my kinda wanted to bond with me so i got a pedicure. i got my right foot toe nails painted florescent orange and the toe nails on my left foot florescent yellow. the asian woman who was painting my toe nails thought i was being silly but i just didn't care.
after the pedicure we drove out to game over in fernandina to check out their movie selection. they were having a buy one get one free sale and we bought the entire harry potter series, episodes one through five.
june twenty sixth, firday, two thousand nine was my twenty third birthday. i got twenty dollars from my dad and another twenty from my mom's friend. since my parents had basically bought me all of my birthday presents in advance and gave them to me earlier when i needed them i wasn't really supposed to get any real presents but my mom can never let me have a birthday with no presents so for my twenty third birthday i got a beach towel and a package of wet ones. my mom really knows how to give random presents.