(no subject)
The very things i avoided, deplored, and thought i convinced myself i could never want are coming back to haunt me. They slowly seduce me, slipping my mind, and self into a sense of security, and great deep understanding; understanding of those things which one cannot seem to grasp until invited into the dreamy world which we all loathe from the outside and bask in once inside.
After this came crashing down in an upheaval of mind and body two years ago i found a much easier path just standing idly by grinning with the confidence of knowing i wouldn't be caught up in such silly games again.
Now i am merely confused and standing on the brink of what could be happiness or defeat, or both, any of which could come at anytime, and the smallest variable could act as a breeze blowing my being into either direction.
I hate feelings of no control, and these very feelings were impetus enough in the past to shelter my mind and heart from any true connection.
I love 'em and leave 'em, have my fun with no attachment and say au revior when i am through, a much simpler dealing with matters of the heart--so why not now?
After this came crashing down in an upheaval of mind and body two years ago i found a much easier path just standing idly by grinning with the confidence of knowing i wouldn't be caught up in such silly games again.
Now i am merely confused and standing on the brink of what could be happiness or defeat, or both, any of which could come at anytime, and the smallest variable could act as a breeze blowing my being into either direction.
I hate feelings of no control, and these very feelings were impetus enough in the past to shelter my mind and heart from any true connection.
I love 'em and leave 'em, have my fun with no attachment and say au revior when i am through, a much simpler dealing with matters of the heart--so why not now?