Five year goal: to own a submarine
Not a tethered submersible, or anything like that. I'm talking about a real, honest-to-god submarine.
I'm trying to be a bit realistic and keep this to something I can do as a five year goal, so it will most likely be conventionally powered diesel-electric. Besides the cost, there are a lot of advantages to a conventional sub. First of all, I would probably only be able to afford (and find for sale) an older nuclear sub. Remember, nuclear submarines are, like inkjet printers, sold on the "Gillette" model. You can buy an inkjet printer really cheaply, but refill ink is where they make their money. It is almost cheaper to just buy a new printer. Same with nuclear submarines. Replacing the enriched Uranium fuel is really expensive, even if you exchange your old fuel for re-processing. Plus, you always have to deal with the extremist busy-bodies. On the left, you have the NIMBY hippies whining about how their organic, free-range carrots will become irradiated. On the right, it is all, "if the terrorists get hold of your Uranium 235 and build dirty bombs and set them off in major metropolitan areas, then the terrorists have already won." Cry me a river.
So, I've been researching fairly modern diesel-electric subs. The German-designed Type 209 or Type 214 look good. You know the Germans always make good stuff. The Type 209's have a good service record, and the Type 214's are still being built at multiple shipyards, including in Greece and Korea.
But I really have my heart set on a Russian Kilo Class. They seem to be pretty liberal with who they'll sell them to: Taiwan, Iran, Romania, Algeria, India, just to name a few. List price is US$200-250 million dollars. I'll be eating ramen a bit more often, but I should be able to manage. (Maybe I'll do one of those PayPal or Amazon donation things, so that if anyone wants to contribute...hint, hint.)
Now here's the fun part: tricking out my ride. I'm going to go totally conversion van/street racer on it. Custom paint job, cold-cathode lights, everything. The obvious paint job would be dolphins and stuff, but that would be predictable and lame. I'm thinking the classic Three Wolf Moon. Also, instead of the regular dive klaxon, it could be Freebird.
On the inside, I'll have an awesome man cave where my posse can chill. Big screen TV is a given, and like, a bunch of game consoles, totally including a Wii so the gang can have Mario Kart competitions. Maybe a ping-pong table and foosball, too. Oh, and a popcorn machine, pizza oven, and a mini-fridge full of juice boxes. My one regret though, for not going nuclear is for the sound system. It is a lot quieter than the diesel for one thing, but mostly, the 26 megawatts from a GE S6G nuclear reactor would probably be enough to power the amps.
Besides taking it out to look at fish and whales and stuff, we could go tailgating at boat races. It would be totally awesome to take up the Charles for the Fourth of July Pops concert. But I don't think the Charles could safely accommodate its 6.5m draft, and that would be assuming it could navigate the locks. Oh, and I really want to surface alongside a Coast Guard Cutter and ask if they have any Grey Poupon. (Mental note: buy a cravat.)
I'll need a place to park it, so I'm going to start looking for warehouse on the ocean where I can put in an indoor dock. Drive in submerged and surface inside. I'll have the warehouse look innocuous and dull. Maybe disguise it as a candy Circus Peanuts factory or something.
for continuing operational costs I could do some work as a tramp freighter or maybe some government contracts carrying "humanitarian aid" and "personal defense" supplies to friendly democratic movements struggling against the oppressive regimes that we helped put in power in the first place. And I could help move priceless artifacts from politically unstable areas to various western interests so they can be properly looked after. Maybe I can obtain a letter of marque somewhere...eBay, perhaps. Privateering is an honest, respectable line of work for a gentleman such as myself. It's in my blood. I bet I'm related to Henry Morgan on my Mother's side.
Oh, I totally forgot to mention the best part of the Kilo Class: the 200 knot rocket-powered Shkval supercavitating torpedoes delivering 210 kg of sweet, sweet revenge.
I'm trying to be a bit realistic and keep this to something I can do as a five year goal, so it will most likely be conventionally powered diesel-electric. Besides the cost, there are a lot of advantages to a conventional sub. First of all, I would probably only be able to afford (and find for sale) an older nuclear sub. Remember, nuclear submarines are, like inkjet printers, sold on the "Gillette" model. You can buy an inkjet printer really cheaply, but refill ink is where they make their money. It is almost cheaper to just buy a new printer. Same with nuclear submarines. Replacing the enriched Uranium fuel is really expensive, even if you exchange your old fuel for re-processing. Plus, you always have to deal with the extremist busy-bodies. On the left, you have the NIMBY hippies whining about how their organic, free-range carrots will become irradiated. On the right, it is all, "if the terrorists get hold of your Uranium 235 and build dirty bombs and set them off in major metropolitan areas, then the terrorists have already won." Cry me a river.
So, I've been researching fairly modern diesel-electric subs. The German-designed Type 209 or Type 214 look good. You know the Germans always make good stuff. The Type 209's have a good service record, and the Type 214's are still being built at multiple shipyards, including in Greece and Korea.
But I really have my heart set on a Russian Kilo Class. They seem to be pretty liberal with who they'll sell them to: Taiwan, Iran, Romania, Algeria, India, just to name a few. List price is US$200-250 million dollars. I'll be eating ramen a bit more often, but I should be able to manage. (Maybe I'll do one of those PayPal or Amazon donation things, so that if anyone wants to contribute...hint, hint.)
Now here's the fun part: tricking out my ride. I'm going to go totally conversion van/street racer on it. Custom paint job, cold-cathode lights, everything. The obvious paint job would be dolphins and stuff, but that would be predictable and lame. I'm thinking the classic Three Wolf Moon. Also, instead of the regular dive klaxon, it could be Freebird.
On the inside, I'll have an awesome man cave where my posse can chill. Big screen TV is a given, and like, a bunch of game consoles, totally including a Wii so the gang can have Mario Kart competitions. Maybe a ping-pong table and foosball, too. Oh, and a popcorn machine, pizza oven, and a mini-fridge full of juice boxes. My one regret though, for not going nuclear is for the sound system. It is a lot quieter than the diesel for one thing, but mostly, the 26 megawatts from a GE S6G nuclear reactor would probably be enough to power the amps.
Besides taking it out to look at fish and whales and stuff, we could go tailgating at boat races. It would be totally awesome to take up the Charles for the Fourth of July Pops concert. But I don't think the Charles could safely accommodate its 6.5m draft, and that would be assuming it could navigate the locks. Oh, and I really want to surface alongside a Coast Guard Cutter and ask if they have any Grey Poupon. (Mental note: buy a cravat.)
I'll need a place to park it, so I'm going to start looking for warehouse on the ocean where I can put in an indoor dock. Drive in submerged and surface inside. I'll have the warehouse look innocuous and dull. Maybe disguise it as a candy Circus Peanuts factory or something.
for continuing operational costs I could do some work as a tramp freighter or maybe some government contracts carrying "humanitarian aid" and "personal defense" supplies to friendly democratic movements struggling against the oppressive regimes that we helped put in power in the first place. And I could help move priceless artifacts from politically unstable areas to various western interests so they can be properly looked after. Maybe I can obtain a letter of marque somewhere...eBay, perhaps. Privateering is an honest, respectable line of work for a gentleman such as myself. It's in my blood. I bet I'm related to Henry Morgan on my Mother's side.
Oh, I totally forgot to mention the best part of the Kilo Class: the 200 knot rocket-powered Shkval supercavitating torpedoes delivering 210 kg of sweet, sweet revenge.