Our 7 month Anniversary
I've always heard people make jokes about how exhaustion is not something you can go to the hospital for; how celebrities are always full of shit and helpless when they go to emergency for "exhaustion" or "dehydration"... They were just really fucking tired.
You know what? I could see how one would see going to the emergency room as an option. I would love to check in to the hospital, have food fed to me through an I.V., and just sleep for days and days. I need to recooperate from life. My body is exhausted. My eyes are achey, the muscles in my legs, feet and ass are shaky and weak, I haven't eaten more than 2 bags of pretzels in the past two days, the heels of my feet hurt and the balls of my feet, as well as my toes, are numb from the heels I have to wear to work. And I only work one job, 25 hours a week.
What makes it even worse is that Lonnie had two jobs. So understandably, he was doubly exhausted. Now he only has one, having been fired this evening for being "too angry to work at Denny's". We had a horrible duscussion last night, because I had an anxious breakdown/ panic attack, and he said every hurtful thing he could think of, including how if I moved back home he'd be fine without me, and how everyone he works with thinks I'm insecure and jealous. Well, at least I know most of them think I'm HOT. I wish that made me feel better, even for a second.
So I got home from work a little under two hours ago. I haven't eaten anything all day, minus the pretzel and cup of coffee I had from Coffee Plantation next door to Rampage. I'm nauseaous, and dizzy, and yet, eating doesn't appeal to me. Right now, what I eat or don't eat is the only thing I can control. Honestly, I would keep a food diary, but that wouldn't make any sense because I'm not eating anything. It would look like this:
Breakfast: enough watered down Dr. Pepper left over from last night to take 2 pills
Lunch: Nothing
Dinner: 1 pretzel (from a bag of preztels that are still sitting in my purse)
1 small soy latte with 4 Sweet n Low's
Anyone wanna know how I stay skinny? I weigh 124 lbs. Pretty SWEET for a girl who weighed 215 lbs when she graduated high school.
And yet I feel like the same scared, depressed, lonely girl inside... minus the self mutilation.
It's like a broken record.
WILL SOMEONE CHANGE THE FUCKING CD??????
You know what? I could see how one would see going to the emergency room as an option. I would love to check in to the hospital, have food fed to me through an I.V., and just sleep for days and days. I need to recooperate from life. My body is exhausted. My eyes are achey, the muscles in my legs, feet and ass are shaky and weak, I haven't eaten more than 2 bags of pretzels in the past two days, the heels of my feet hurt and the balls of my feet, as well as my toes, are numb from the heels I have to wear to work. And I only work one job, 25 hours a week.
What makes it even worse is that Lonnie had two jobs. So understandably, he was doubly exhausted. Now he only has one, having been fired this evening for being "too angry to work at Denny's". We had a horrible duscussion last night, because I had an anxious breakdown/ panic attack, and he said every hurtful thing he could think of, including how if I moved back home he'd be fine without me, and how everyone he works with thinks I'm insecure and jealous. Well, at least I know most of them think I'm HOT. I wish that made me feel better, even for a second.
So I got home from work a little under two hours ago. I haven't eaten anything all day, minus the pretzel and cup of coffee I had from Coffee Plantation next door to Rampage. I'm nauseaous, and dizzy, and yet, eating doesn't appeal to me. Right now, what I eat or don't eat is the only thing I can control. Honestly, I would keep a food diary, but that wouldn't make any sense because I'm not eating anything. It would look like this:
Breakfast: enough watered down Dr. Pepper left over from last night to take 2 pills
Lunch: Nothing
Dinner: 1 pretzel (from a bag of preztels that are still sitting in my purse)
1 small soy latte with 4 Sweet n Low's
Anyone wanna know how I stay skinny? I weigh 124 lbs. Pretty SWEET for a girl who weighed 215 lbs when she graduated high school.
And yet I feel like the same scared, depressed, lonely girl inside... minus the self mutilation.
It's like a broken record.
WILL SOMEONE CHANGE THE FUCKING CD??????