it's been a while so...
this is a little all over the place. let's start here:
me: hello
her: hey...
me: hey, wassup?
her: i don't wanna go to the movie with you on tuesday.
me: ok.
her: i don't think we should see each other anymore.
me: ok.
her: yeh... so... ok... uh... take care... (?)
me: k, bye.
and just like that, she was gone.
the thing is, it was bound to happen. and, quite honestly, after the phone call, i respected her more. i mean, the free sex and shit was fun (as well as the buying me stuff and free drinks at the bar), but it was about time she realized she didn't have to just wait around for me to want what she did. it souded to me like she'd been doing a lot of thinking and she's a smart chick. so she's prolly better off for it. and i'm glad about that. i haven't had anything to say to her for months now, so there really wasn't any need for an extended conversation. nice clean cut.
and now, i'm even more excited about jane. i met jane a few nights ago at Alleycats. 24, finished school (BIG!), and she's got that cute/sexy combo that's usually a killer.
lately i've been feelin' like i'm gettin' closer and closer to my authentic self. like i'm comfortable in my own skin. i find that the moments of greatest insecurity are usually the mornings after a night of smoking and drinking. i seem to lose myself in this low-energy state and end up feeling stuck. i lost a pretty important contract a couple of weeks ago and, although i've got a few more in the works, i'm not working on anything in particular right now. and that kinda haunts me when i wake up with a weed cloud in my head.
the thing is though, i'm not just being unproductive. i've made some cake and i've bought myself a little time so i've been spending it developing playground and that, i'm happy to say, is finally looking like it's going to pay off. if things go according to plan, we're in our own office in 3 months and generating real revenue. our last meeting was the first time we discussed the need for a full-time staff. meaning: ppl are quittin' their jobs and working for playground for real. i'm glad we're here now and moving in this direction.
i met another girl over the weekend and we had this super-deep conversation. she had this theory that being powerful and being authentic are the same. the world of intoxicants is pretty unreal and that explains the powerlessness of mornings-after. drugs and addictions (of various types) are a personal weakness. i've been told it's in my blood by people who would know. for a while now i've been wrestling with wanting to stop and wanting to fly to a frustrating degree. i've come to realize that, even in accepting my weakness, in accepting the unreal as a step away from my authentic self, i still have a choice. i either fail because of it or succeed in spite of it. everybody falls, everybody sucks at stuff, and nobody's perfect. but that hasn't stopped anybody that wanted spectacular from getting it.
me: hello
her: hey...
me: hey, wassup?
her: i don't wanna go to the movie with you on tuesday.
me: ok.
her: i don't think we should see each other anymore.
me: ok.
her: yeh... so... ok... uh... take care... (?)
me: k, bye.
and just like that, she was gone.
the thing is, it was bound to happen. and, quite honestly, after the phone call, i respected her more. i mean, the free sex and shit was fun (as well as the buying me stuff and free drinks at the bar), but it was about time she realized she didn't have to just wait around for me to want what she did. it souded to me like she'd been doing a lot of thinking and she's a smart chick. so she's prolly better off for it. and i'm glad about that. i haven't had anything to say to her for months now, so there really wasn't any need for an extended conversation. nice clean cut.
and now, i'm even more excited about jane. i met jane a few nights ago at Alleycats. 24, finished school (BIG!), and she's got that cute/sexy combo that's usually a killer.
lately i've been feelin' like i'm gettin' closer and closer to my authentic self. like i'm comfortable in my own skin. i find that the moments of greatest insecurity are usually the mornings after a night of smoking and drinking. i seem to lose myself in this low-energy state and end up feeling stuck. i lost a pretty important contract a couple of weeks ago and, although i've got a few more in the works, i'm not working on anything in particular right now. and that kinda haunts me when i wake up with a weed cloud in my head.
the thing is though, i'm not just being unproductive. i've made some cake and i've bought myself a little time so i've been spending it developing playground and that, i'm happy to say, is finally looking like it's going to pay off. if things go according to plan, we're in our own office in 3 months and generating real revenue. our last meeting was the first time we discussed the need for a full-time staff. meaning: ppl are quittin' their jobs and working for playground for real. i'm glad we're here now and moving in this direction.
i met another girl over the weekend and we had this super-deep conversation. she had this theory that being powerful and being authentic are the same. the world of intoxicants is pretty unreal and that explains the powerlessness of mornings-after. drugs and addictions (of various types) are a personal weakness. i've been told it's in my blood by people who would know. for a while now i've been wrestling with wanting to stop and wanting to fly to a frustrating degree. i've come to realize that, even in accepting my weakness, in accepting the unreal as a step away from my authentic self, i still have a choice. i either fail because of it or succeed in spite of it. everybody falls, everybody sucks at stuff, and nobody's perfect. but that hasn't stopped anybody that wanted spectacular from getting it.