Looking for reasons

[stormybrendan]

From here.Brendan entered the bar and went straight through to the restroom, pushing the door to the men's open with enough force to make the two men standing at the urinal turn their heads quickly to see who had barged in. He glanced at them, a grimace turning into an attempted apology before looking down at the floor. A small smear of red gave

Comments

[patrick_koster]

He scrubbed quickly at first, making sure there wasn't an inch of his body that wasn't clean before he finally slowed down. His rushing bringing back the earlier dizzy spell he'd experienced while in the elevator, and so when he washed his hair again he took his time.

The dizziness didn't subside and though the feel of the hot water gushing over his face and chest was oddly calming, Patrick didn't particularly fancy slipping and breaking his neck. After he shut off the spray, he stepped out and slowly dried himself off. As he did he finally caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and just like that he was back in the men's room, his gaze meeting Roy's. His throat closed up, he recoiled, averting his eyes, then closing them. And that didn't help matters much, because the minute he closed his eyes, Roy's face becomes blurred, morphing into other gazes; other faces; other hands -

His hands gripped the rim of the sink with bruising force and his eyes flew open and he tried to ignore the first thought that shot through his mind: perhaps slipping and breaking his neck in the shower wouldn't have been so bad after all.

Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

When he heard the water stop in the bathroom Brendan pushed himself off the counter and walked through the lounge room to the bedroom.

"Hey," he called out, dragging his socks off after kicking his shoes into the wardrobe.

Re: Actions and reactions.

[patrick_koster]

Hearing Brendan's voice startled him a bit but did make him snap out of it, he looked away from the mirror, down at the floor where he spotted his towel; he hadn't even noticed dropping it. With one hand still gripping the sink, Patrick picked up his towel and then proceeded to brush his teeth before he realized he hadn't returned Brendan's greeting and, after spitting and rinsing his mouth repeatedly, Patrick decided to forgo drying or combing his hair. He took a deep breath and with one more quick glance in the mirror to see if he didn't look as bad as he'd been feeling the past few minutes, he opened the bathroom door and headed for the bedroom to get dressed.

"Hey," he greeted quietly when he joined Brendan in the bedroom.

Re: Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

He'd stood looking at the door as the silence had lengthened, the concern starting to etch a frown of concern into his face. He slowly stripped off, only his boxers remaining when the door finally opened and Patrick stepped out.

"How was y' walk?"

Re: Actions and reactions.

[patrick_koster]

"Long," Patrick said with a small smile, realizing he immediately felt a little better now that Brendan was there. "Are you going to bed already?" he asked, glancing at the other man as he picked up an old pair of jeans.

Re: Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

"No, just gonna have a quick tub, after the deliveries today. Gets a bit warm lugging them boxes downstairs."

Re: Actions and reactions.

[patrick_koster]

"Right." He put his jeans on and slowly zipped them up, absently wondering why he'd felt almost relieved that Brendan wasn't going to bed just yet. "You see any cigarettes around here?" He scanned the room but only found a t-shirt to wear and, even though he was fairly sure it was Brendan's, put it on. "Reckon I'll try having another drink as well - sooner or later one of them has to stay down, eh?"

Re: Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

Brendan was about to tell Patrick to have a look in the top cupboard in the bar unit in the lounge room when he made his comment about the drinks. He hesitated instead then walked across to him. "Not even gonna bother askin' if y've tried to eat something." He looked Patrick in the eye before continuing.

"Stop it. Just stop it, alright?" He shook his head. "The bastard was gone. No comments, no complaints, and Eric saw him leaving. Sounds like he knew he's the one who asked for it."

Re: Actions and reactions.

[patrick_koster]

"Stop what?" Patrick asked in a quiet voice, his brow furrowing as he searched Brendan's face, the man's words about Roy barely registering.

Re: Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

Brendan rolled his eyes at Patrick's obtuseness.

"What? Y' telling me y' stomach's playing up and not able to keep booze down cuz you've got a stomach bug, or y've suddenly developed an allergy to grog?" he asked, a little frustrated. "Y' just bloody well said y' can't keep a drink down. What else am I going to put it down to? Y' stressing y'self about what happened."

Re: Actions and reactions.

[patrick_koster]

Patrick nodded, an almost sheepish look crossing his face as he listened to Brendan. "Aye - but I don't usually have an awful lot of trouble with stressing and drinking at the same time." He gave a small shrug and then added, "I suppose I'm having a bit of trouble stopping myself from rehashing more than just what happened today."

Re: Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

"No, true. It weren't long ago it were into a drink y'd be going to drown whatever demons were chasing you down," he agreed, his expression softening a little. He jerked his head lightly toward the bathroom.

"I'll just be a moment and I'll join you for a drink," he said a little more gently. "And fix y' something t' eat. Y' stomach's probably wanting something t' absord the booze these days, since Sam's been feeding y' up."

Re: Actions and reactions.

[patrick_koster]

He looked away momentarily at Brendan's words about drowning demons and absentmindedly scratched the back of his neck. "All right - I'll just be outside having a smoke," he murmured meekly when Brendan finished talking.

Re: Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

Brendan hesitated, as if about to say something, but instead just walked into the bathroom and was soon showering. He'd almost asked Patrick to make them both something to eat, as a distraction, but though maybe that might be pushing him. As he stood beneath the hot spray he closed his eyes for a moment, recalling the haunted look in his lover's eyes the night they'd been to watch the match. He'd seen it again tonight, in the lane, and the shadow of it here, just now.

As the water washed away the day's grime he wished it would also wash away the growing concern he felt.

Re: Actions and reactions.

[patrick_koster]

Once he'd found an old pack of cigarettes, Patrick went out to the balcony. Putting both lighter and cigarettes down on the table, he sat down wearily and buried his face in his hands. Ever since he'd ran into Brendan again he'd been trying to tell himself that the things that had been bothering him before were no longer an issue.

But the mere fact that his thoughts didn't keep him up all night like they once had, and he no longer felt the need to drink until he passed out, didn't mean they weren't still there. Very much so. Perhaps now even more than ever.

He groaned softly and rubbed his face with both hands before finally reaching for a cigarette as he thought that tonight would probably be the first night in quite some time that he would get no sleep at all.

Re: Actions and reactions.

[stormybrendan]

Climbing out of the shower Brendan reached for the towel and quickly dried himself, scrubbing at his head to dry his hair as he walked out into the bedroom. He dragged on a pair of old sweatpants after tossing the towel into the hamper, and headed down the hall into the lounge. A quick glance told him Patrick was out on the balcony, the weather now a good deal more pleasant, meaning the doors could be open this late without them freezing from the cold.

"So, some eggs alright?" he asked, Patrick's face illuminated for a moment by the glow of the cigarette he was dragging on.